Demoting bridesmaids when it's my sisters???

Asking not to have to "dance in" is totally reasonable - they shared their discomfort and you rightly told them it was ok not to participate. No one should be forced to do anything they don't want to. Could they just suck it up and get over it? Probably - but they gave you very honest feedback and unless it was disrespectful or cruel, I don't see an issue here.

Not coming to the Bachelorette party - their loss! Celebrate with those who can be there. Again, could they just suck it up and show up for a little while? Probably, but if they are that socially averse, do you really want them there?

Not wanting to pass out favors - whether you remove them from your wedding party or not, you're still going to have to find a volunteer to help with this. Telling them they can no longer be bridesmaids will have longer term implications, and you're still going to have the same problem, but now new problems as well that might get more of the family involved. Can you just put your favors on a table and let guests take one as they leave? If you insist they be passed out, can they do it earlier in the night, like during dinner?

If you truly have less than a month until your wedding I would just let it be and not focus on them. Bringing this up now will likely cause issues in your relationships with them. Also, while I totally understand that having two people constantly picking at things and not agreeing is annoying, I don't really think that your "heavy hitters" are that bad. There's nothing wrong with them not being comfortable with a dance entrance or with them choosing to skip the bachelorette, especially when they still made your shower. Why is your bridal party passing out favors at your wedding? Why can't people just pick them up?

Ultimately, besides wearing a dress you choose and standing with you they don't have to do anything else. It's not "letting it slide" it's their choice. I don't think you're being a bridezilla, but I do think you're over thinking this. As long as they wear their dress and stand next to you on your wedding day, nothing else is required of them.

View Quoted Comment Yea so with the favors it’s more the fact that they were planning to leave my wedding early without telling me. I found out due to the favors because I asked them to pass it out. So yes I can ask anyone else to do that, it’s more the leaving early without ever planning to let me know is just rude and hurtful that someone can’t sacrifice 30 mins of sleep to be present for the entirety of their sisters wedding

View Quoted Comment Yea I get what you’re saying, if I knew that was the case I wouldn’t have even picked them. I thought it was standard that bridesmaids support you, or at the very least, not cause more work for you. I’ll probly just make them guests of honor and they can still where the dress but ultimately, I choose who is standing up there with me

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Are they missing anything by leaving 30 minutes early? I understand what you're getting at, but if they do actually need to work that's completely valid. A wedding day is super long and exhausting, 30 more minutes of sleep actually would be nice. If they are missing important things that's a little different, but I was just in a wedding where I left 45 minutes early immediately after their sparkler "exit" photos so we could drive 2 hours home for our dog. People leave weddings early. I think you're putting too much energy into this right now and would let it go to lessen some stress before the big day.

View Quoted Comment Correct it is up to you who you stand with. But it could be very bad for your relationship with them. Even if you don't hang out all the time (like you stated). Just weigh that potential consequences when you make the choice to demote them or make them guests of honor.


I had people I wish I removed from my wedding party, they were rude and not supportive. But I wasn't willing to make such a large statement as kicking them out. I just stopped speaking to them after the wedding. They're his family, so I wasn't trying to cause a big problem.
You have every right to choose who is standing with you. But they have every right to be hurt.

By the title alone, I’d say this is a terrible idea that will have long last damage in your family.

If you do this it will be very hurtful and will likely damage your relationship with them. They may choose to not even attend at all. Nothing you've mentioned here is a problem. They shouldn't be forced to do things they're uncomfortable with, and extra parties like bachelorette and showers are always optional. No one should be required to pass out favors, only those who volunteer or are paid to do so. Can you set the favors out at the place settings before hand instead? Many people leave weddings early, no guest (bridal party included) has to stay until the very end of the night. Once the ceremony and pictures during cocktail hour are over the wedding party is free to do as they wish. Maybe they have a long drive after the wedding, have family obligations, or have to work the next day?

Hey guys good news!! I just talked to my sisters and they were super understanding of how I felt, basically I apologized for not being upfront about my expectations from the beginning and they apologized for causing unnecessary stress and drama in my bridal party.

So I discussed both options with them but we decided together that they'll remain with having the title and I'll do a better job of communicating expectations (which again, I haven't and won't be asking for anything wild)

I'm seeing this idea was contrary to what many of you mentioned, but I guess situations like this just depends on this person. I guess in this case, I just knew my sisters well enough to know how to talk to them.

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Yes thanks for the advice! We worked out a mutual compromise, I think it was more a pattern of disregard for the day (drama in bridal party, refusing to be announced into the reception etc) than it was the logistics, so I told them they can leave the 30 mins early and they agreed to communicate issues rather than demanding things

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Thanks for the advice! It actually hasn't damaged the relationship, I think the *way* you say something is often more important than what you say because I didn't come at them like "you're ruining my wedding and I need you out" it was more like "I can tell that some things in the wedding are becoming a burden for you, are you uncomfortable with being a bridesmaid?"

I apologized for not communicating expectations and they apologized for making demands rather than communicating any issues. So we all agreed together that they'll remain bridesmaids, communicate issues in a healthy way and now we're sitting on the couch eating ice cream together I don't get the sense anyone feels hurt

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Totally agree, it's sort of a picking your battles type of thing. I ultimately decided to let them stay, but yea I'm 100% aware that my sisters will likely just be people that I hang out with when I'm at home and on holidays, nothing more. I'll always forgive them (just cause I'm not going to walk around harboring ill feelings towards people, too much energy lol) but I'll keep in the back of my mind that I shouldn't expect much from them in the future.

I’m glad you were able to work things out with your sisters! My sister decided to drop out of my wedding 2 weeks before and pull 3 of nieces out as well. She chose to do this because she’s upset with my parents and don’t want to see them. Which ultimately hurts me & has no impact on them. She also decided to discuss this with her friend, which is also my hair/makeup artist & she texted me 12 days before the wedding saying she wasn’t going to be doing my hair or makeup. I truly wish my sister would understand that her decision isn’t a downfall on our parents, but on me. I’m glad your sisters were understanding and chose to be good sisters!!