Deployment cancelled my third wedding date (covid bride)

I am so sorry you’re dealing with this. It’s not at all “fair” . Unfortunately, the longer time goes on, the less excited people are to celebrate. It sucks but it’s not unusual.


Is there any way to funnel your deposits into a celebration that’s not a wedding reception that you’d be equally excited for? My BFF (who granted, did get to have a 25 person reception) got pregnant between getting married in late 2020 and her rescheduled vow renewal in December 2021. She and her husband decided to put the venue, flowers, etc. money into an epic Christening for their baby next summer.
I am not at all saying you don’t deserve to celebrate getting married! But with this much distance between getting legally married and a celebration, it might help to reframe things?

View Quoted Comment I can't really imagine getting excited about the same venue and vendors and everything for another event (not sure what it would be-- even if I got pregnant the moment he got back that would push the event out even further than having it as a wedding reception, and would lose money on some of the vendors). Also the thought of just never getting to do our cake cutting or dance to our song or any of the other wedding things just crushes me to be honest.

Could you potentially plan a wedding celebration before he leaves? While it would be difficult to get a date that is a Saturday, surely your vendors would have another day of the week available.

View Quoted Comment I wish. It was so last minute, he is already gone.

View Quoted Comment I’m so sorry, but I have to agree- the longer the celebration gets pushed out after you’re already married, the less “excitement” people have for it. This happened to my cousin too- rescheduled once for Covid then again due to a deployment.
Instead of trying to recreate a reception for a wedding that’s already happened, maybe you could plan a 5 year anniversary party/vow renewal instead. Then you can repeat your vows in front of your family and friends, wear your dress, have your cake, etc. And people may be more excited to celebrate this whole new event, rather than having the mindset that they are supposed to celebrate a “wedding” of a couple that already got married.

Welcome to the joys of military life. I’ve had to cancel plenty of events and trips due to last minute deployments and underways. I am hoping hubby will be able to come home for our vow renewal next year.


I’m sorry this is happening to you. Would you be willing to reschedule or replan as a vow renewal? I think what some of the posters said may be true about the timeframe and excitement. A lot of vendors have been pretty flexible with reworking things since the pandemic started.

I would just try to get as much money back as you can at this point and move on. If the venders are not willing to do that, you could try to "sell" your day to someone else. You can always have a 5 yr anniversary party or something else! I know its not the same but as PPs have said, you've been married a while, a reception isn't really accurate.

View Quoted Comment Well sure, it would have been a vow renewal for our anniversary the whole time. We are already married. So if we plan the same event (because we have the same vendors and venue and we have already paid wedding prices) but put "vow renewal" on the invite instead of a "wedding celebration", then we are somehow more deserving of celebration by our guests? I get it if we had already had a smaller wedding reception but legit we walked out of the church, took some pictures, and went home because of a deadly virus. We had takeout for our wedding dinner because restaurants were not even open, and honestly it was lucky they were doing that at the time. To say to just move on is actually pretty cruel, how would you like it if someone told you to just forget the wedding you're planning?

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You just seem super stressed by the whole thing, and the logical solution to that would be to move on and live your life. Calm er down there sister.

View Quoted Comment I don’t think Samantha was trying to be cruel in any way; nor was she insinuating that you are somehow not “deserving of celebration by your guests”. I think she was merely picking up on the fact that you are incredibly stressed out and upset by this entire process, and it keeps dragging on… so perhaps it would be better for your stress levels and mental health to just move on and enjoy your life and marriage, instead of dedicating more years of your life to your idea of your ideal wedding that never happened. Not wanting to put words in her mouth- that is just how I interpreted her response. I know it’s not what you wanted to hear, but it IS an honest opinion from an outsider looking in- which is what you asked for.
I know it’s not fair that you didn’t get to have your dream wedding on your first date. Covid ruined SO many weddings (We are actually on our third date now because of it!). Unfortunately, 2020 couples were forced to choose between having their “dream wedding” at a later date, or getting married at the courthouse (or, if they were lucky, a very small wedding). If you’ve been on the forums for awhile, i’m sure you’ve seen countless posts about this. And your current situation is exactly why so many couples decided not to marry on their original wedding day, but rather postpone until they could have the wedding they envisioned. Choosing to marry on your original date, unfortunately, meant potentially sacrificing some of the elements of your original wedding vision- guest excitement being one of the main ones. I know it’s a huge bummer, but a lot of guests just won’t keep up that excitement for a wedding celebration after a couple has been married for years. That doesn’t mean you can’t have the celebration though! It just means you may need to reign in your expectations for it- people may not be as “excited”, you may have a much smaller guest count than you would have originally had, you may not receive as many gifts, etc. But if having this celebration is important to you, then you should have it! The suggestion of titling it an anniversary party rather than a wedding reception or celebration of marriage is simply a way of re-branding your event in a way that may make your guests more excited to attend. From a guest perspective, attending a wedding reception or celebration of marriage years after the couple have already been married may seem silly or pointless. They may be more excited to celebrate your 5 year anniversary. It is really just a trick with wording- you can still plan everything you’ve been envisioning.
I’m so sorry you are having to go through this. I watched my cousin struggle with the same thing and ultimately not get the result she was wanting. When we are planning our weddings, we expect them to be one of the happiest days of our lives… and us Covid brides definitely have not gotten the experience brides before and after us get! Since you have a lot of time now to decide on how to proceed, it may be a good idea for you to take a break from any sort of planning, rescheduling, even just thinking about the celebration. Give yourself a break from all things wedding, then come back to it down the road when you are less stressed and can enjoy the process again.

I'm so sorry this happened to you!! I am in a similar boat (not because of a deployment, and thank you and your husband very much for your service and sacrifices - I know you are making a lot of sacrifices yourself). But the similarity comes in due to having to postpone once (from 5/30/20 to 6/5/21) and then we cancelled the original event (and postponed the vendors until Sept 2022, holding out hope that we can have some type of celebration). Like you guys, we also got legally married in a tiny ceremony, but didn't do much of the traditional stuff (I didn't wear my dress, we didn't do a first dance, we didn't have friends or any non-immediate family members present, etc). I didn't immediately realize (and, definitely, as you said, a first-world problem) how many deep emotions / anticipations / expectations / etc were tied up in a wedding celebration?? Ya know, like how many times I had dreamt (especially during the planning process) of our first dance and wondering what his suit would look like? To say our vows in front of the most important people in our lives? How fun it would be to get ready and get dressed up with family and close friends? To have both sides of the family/friends community meet (for the first time, in some instances) and celebrate and dance the night away? I received many supportive / encouraging comments, but also a cringe-worthy number of dismissive / toxic positivity-esque comments too. While many people *think* they may know how you feel, they don't unless they're going through the exact same thing - and even I don't know exactly how you feel because our situations aren't identical. Some of the things that have helped me (and it's very much a process/journey, not an immediate fix) have been straight-up, flat-out feeling my feelings....going THROUGH them, not around them....and then also therapy, acupuncture, running (always helps me clear my head), making sure I'm getting enough nutrients/vitamins (esp. vitamin D with the winter weather), and getting enough sleep. I sincerely hope that something in my message helps you, even if just a bit. I truly feel for you, and I'm sorry that your wedding dreams have played out like this. You definitely deserve to be celebrated (!!!!) and in a big way!!! I truly hope that your family and friends recognize that, and I do believe that the hugs will be stronger and the smiles will be bigger when you finally get your celebration!! And if anyone is less than 1,000% enthusiastic and happy to be invited and attend and celebrate, well then, they can stay home and miss out!!!

View Quoted Comment This is really, really good advice. Look—no one here is being cruel or trying to be insensitive. 2020 was an awful year and really “unfair” things happened to a lot of people, including brides like you. But there comes a time when you need to step back and look at the situation—you want to start a family. Do you want to delay that for a party that likely won’t be your original vision with guests whose hearts aren’t in it? Or do you want to reframe your situation, purposefully plan something that can exist for what it is (i.e. 1 year old birthday party, 5 year vow renewal that doesn’t pretend to be a wedding, etc.) OR cancel altogether and stop stressing about an event that will never be? It’s okay to mourn your lost wedding, ritual events like bachelorettes, etc. But it’s best for your mental health to take a realistic stock of the situation and move forward.

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I agree with all of this. You have a lot of things to be sad for, OP. Be sad. Be angry. But then you need to come up with a plan for living your life that includes all of the things you want and can realistically achieve. We all have to make compromises and sacrifices and decisions (and new decisions when the situation changes) every day. If you are feeling stuck looking backwards and can't look forwards, I recommend seeing a counselor for guidance.

And one final thing: You can't control how other people feel about things, so I would stop trying to plan things around how you wish/hope/want other people to react. If you still genuinely want a celebration party at a time that makes sense for you and your husband to have one, throw your party and enjoy! But only do so if you can set aside any expectations of how "celebretory" other people act and feel. Basing your happiness or enjoyment of your event on other people's reactions is setting yourself up for disappointment.

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Exactly the point I was trying to make, thank you! I am not good with words a lot of times, my FH says bluntness is going to get me in trouble someday lol

I think you should do what makes you happy as far as the reception and whoever wants to celebrate you will be there. Don't feel stupid, you deserve a celebration and I recommend wedding insurance, it covers deployment in some of the policies.