Destination wedding gift etiquette

Yes I did personally reach out to each BM after the wedding, thanked them again, sent them pictures, said I had fun and hope they did too! I am letting it go now - not going to say anything to them. I guess some people are different with etiquette. Actually yes, every groomsman, including the disorganized single groomsmen, all gave gifts! LOL They even planned his entire Vegas bachelor party and paid for it all and really showered him! Yes, they should have declined if it was too much for them. Some good friends actually did decline attendance due to Zika and cost, which I understand.

I understand how you feel. Cards are so meaningful that it hurts when you don't get one from people close to you.

I haven't had my wedding yet, but I have a similar feeling with some of my bridesmaids right now. I've really hyped up and done a lot of some of their weddings and the same hasn't been returned for me. I totally understand that not everyone is going to be as excited for your wedding as you are, but you still expect a little something from your closest friends so it hurts when it doesn't happen. Such is life

Cards, like many other things, are more meaningful to some people than to others. My cards get displayed for about a week, then donated to a local volunteer group that leads crafting sessions.

Yes, we are all entitled to our feelings. They help us to process things that happen in our life. But, we have to remember that not everyone feels the same way. They may think they have gone above and beyond for you, simply by attending your destination wedding.

I'm happy for you that your MOH sent a registry item. Maybe that will lessen the hurt.

Did your bridesmaids throw you a shower or bachelorette? There are additional costs for a BM besides the wedding attire (which is looks like you covered). Even though I would give a smaller gift in this case (which I am in a position where I am financially able to), personally, I think when someone is spending over 1K to attend a wedding (esp in a DW) presence is enough of a present. Even though your friends are excited for you and are smiling when they are there, the truth of the matter is a lot of them would have rather used that 1K for their own vacation or personal spending (that is a lot of money to attend someone elses wedding). I know a lot of people say, "I was surprised I didnt even get a card", but be honest, if someone would have just gotten you a card with no money/gift attached would you have really been ok with that? I think most of the people complaining about not receiving gifts from people would be pretty upset by just receiving a card from someone (whether they admit it or not). Also, some people may feel awkward just giving a card with no gift attached (like they are embarrassed they couldn't afford anything else after spending thousands to attend a friends wedding). People that have a DW and expect friends/family to fly somewhere that cost them a mortgage payment, should never be upset when someone cant bring a gift to their wedding.

Also, while you spent money on an excursion for them, that was above and beyond in my opinion. You shouldn't expect a gift from them just because you spent more money on them (people having a destination wedding should throw more events than the wedding in my opinion, due to the commitment of attending one).

Is it really worth getting this upset about? I can understand your feelings being hurt but if these are your really close friends, would you want this to strain your relationships because someone did not send you a thank you card? Your friends/family took time out of their lives to celebrate your wedding, I don't understand why you expect another congratulations/thank you from them.

DW's are a huge ask of your guests. I've never been to one and I know that I would at least give a card and probably a small cash gift, but seriously I don't think you have the right to be upset if some didn't. It sounds like you had a wonderful time. Be thankful so many took the time and effort to be there instead of focusing on what you didn't get.

I think it's a bit strange to say to someone they have no right to be upset or feel hurt. It's basically saying they have no right to have feelings...

I personally always bring a gift to weddings (whether it's a DW or not) and I totally understand your feelings. Like my FI always say, we don't know the full story as we only got your version but I do hope you can move on from there. I wish you all the best

I am going to give the you the other side of this so you can possibly see things from your BM's - My best friend got married in the DR last March and it cost us an arm and a leg to go there, we would not have chosen to vacation there if it were not for her wedding. We had to fly out, find dog sitters, take time from work- we got our dresses and attire - the location she chose was expensive and it was during a high travel time which inflated all of the prices. No big deal, I love her and that's why I wanted to stand beside her. We threw her bacherlorette in Boston (she paid for nothing) & we threw her an amazing shower where each of us put in approx 1k each. I realize your's did not and there were other factors here that you did for yours, that ours did not do for us, however every situation is different & you chose to do those things for your BM's. What you feel is proper etiquette might not be everyone's. None of us gave them a wedding gift, the bride and groom, kept telling us our presence was all they wanted & they meant it. I don't expect a gift from anyone especially my bridal party, I am not having a DW, but they are putting a lot of time and effort into my bridal process & I believe that truly all I want from them is to be there that day to enjoy the best day of my life.

I get why you are salty but at the end of the day, do gifts really matter? You married the love of your life with everyone you loved surrounding you, in the location you chose.

I would be sad. Because I am super into notes and cards, so any little post-it note would be greatly appreciated if left by a guest. We are having a DW too and while I don't expect people to leave us any monetary amount I would love to have a card from them. If it didn't happen I would certainly feel sad but there is nothing we can do about it. I have a motto I live by, I cannot make anyone feel the way I want them to feel. So if people don't think that it is important to thank you in a certain way, nothing you can say will make them change that, it is within the person and their ways of doing things. Like you can see here, a lot of people consider that their presence is enough and you should be happy with that. Another thing I always have in mind, especially regarding DW: people will be on vacation mode! Many of them probably even forgot the card and who wants to leave the beach to go search for a last minute card? Think about that. Mos weddings we go I grab a card the day of, usually on my way to the ceremony - we always bring one but we never seem to remember to buy ahead of time - so I would certainly be, as a guest, one of those who forgot to bring one with me to vacation. Be thankful for what you had and let go

I think a personal CONGRATULATIONS could most definitely be expected, weather in a card or in person. Attendance could be the gift however; while a token gift, card, or personal congratulations could be expected, as a destination wedding an additional gift should not be expected or offense taken if not given. I am perplexed about the THANK YOU, however. YOU are expecting a thank you FROM your guests for getting the privilege of being invited to your wedding? That isn’t how it would work for any wedding, destination or not. They should be congratulating you for your union, and YOU should be thanking THEM for attending and celebrating your special day with you. I can understand being a little hurt if they didn’t express a congratulations or acknowledgement (by card or in person), but their presence was a gift, and—more importantly—their presence, especially at a more difficult to attend destination wedding, imply their support and congrats even if it wasn’t explicitly stated. So I wouldn’t overly worry about that. Just make sure to send out your thank you notes to them for either their gift and attendance or their gift of attendance. If I were you, I would be more disappointed in any close friends who didn’t attend the wedding but didn’t send a gift or congratulations, as etiquette dictates a gift and congratulations should be sent for the invite even if one doesn’t attend (for close friends and relatives).

No, etiquette absolutely does not dictate that a wedding invitation means a gift and congratulations should be send even if one doesn't attend, for close friends and relatives or anyone else. An invitation does not obligate anything at all, including attendance. All it does is invite someone to an event.