Destination wedding invite timeline

First off, B listing which is what you want to do is considered rude. Second, guests can't accurately let you know 3 months in advance if they are able to attend an event so you will end up with some people saying they can attend then end up backing out or others who way they can't and end up realizing they can attend. My advice is only to invite those that you can actually afford to host rather than B listing guests.

I don’t think this is going to work out the way you want it to. What will you do if people on your initial list can’t RSVP that far in advance?

View Quoted Comment B listing is rude? How? If I can only hold a certain amount at my venue, only invite that amount, and then get No’s back, why wouldn’t I invite other people? Not sure how that’s rude....

View Quoted Comment I figured that would happen, but at least some people would know and I can continue rolling out invites as I get No’s back. I figured if I gave a deadline or not that would happen

View Quoted Comment It might, but it’s way more likely that people won’t get back to you 3-6 months ahead than it would be if you sent invites on a more regular timeline (say 8-12 weeks out for destination wedding). You can also send save the dates 10-12 months in advance so guests know their invitations are coming.

View Quoted Comment It is rude because you are essentially saying that those are the B list are second best since they didn't make the original cut. If guests find out they were B listed, they could be very offended.

View Quoted Comment Ok thanks for the advice!!

View Quoted Comment I would think being able to potentially get an invite rather than not sending one at all is better. I can’t control the venue only allowing a certain amount of people. If I get No’s I’m just suppose to not fill spots I’ve paid for? Makes no sense

View Quoted Comment I totally get that you can't control how many they allow and I'm not trying to upset since I saw your post that you felt bullied just because I don't agree with B listing and that wasn't my intention at all so I'm sorry you felt that way.
Anyways, you normally don't pay for spots until you actually have your final headcount which is normally due 30 days prior to your wedding. If they made you pay in advance for a certain number of guests then that's very unusual and I definitely would've questioned them about this practice.

View Quoted Comment I’m always opened to different opinions and perspectives. I can respect and understand not agreeing with it, just seems a little harsh to call someone rude over it. Creating a guest list of who can or can’t come is stressful enough. But I appreciate the input and apology. Thank you.

Our wedding planner advised us to send invites in July for our December wedding (5 months) since we didn’t send save the dates and are a destination wedding for all of our guests. However, we aren’t asking for RSVP answers until a month out.


I don’t think many guests will RSVP that early for your wedding unless they definitely know they will not be able to come due to monetary or other reasons. As declines come back you could send invites out to other people you didn’t initially invite?

Traditionally invitations are send 6-8 weeks before the wedding. For a destination wedding, I would send them 8-10 weeks in advance. Sending save the dates is also a good idea when planning a destination wedding.

I would stick with one guest list and not do a B list. That might offend guests when they realize they are only being invited because someone else said no.

View Quoted Comment Agree with this. There is never any reason to send invites earlier because people will forget or lose them and most can’t give a definitive yes or no before 4 weeks.


People do know when they are asked to fill seats rather than being asked because you truly want them there. Most people on B lists would rather not be invited at all.

View Quoted Comment

Veronica never called you rude? She said that B-listing is rude. And she is absolutely correct: the practice of B listing is very rude! How do you think the B-list guests (aka second tier guests) will react when they find out they weren't good enough to make the initial cut? I'd recommend having one invite list.

For our destination wedding, we sent out our save the dates with the url to our wedding website 11 months out. We plan to send our wedding invitations a month before the rsvp deadline which is 2 months before our wedding. We made sure our wedding website had all of the key event, travel and weekend info on it before sending out our save the dates.

I would start with sending out a save the date about a year to 11 months out, and gauge the response from that. Also have a wedding website with all of the info set up, and put the wedding website on the save the date. 6 months is still too early for RSVPs, but 4 or 3 months would be alright.

Don't do the secondary list. It's rude to both groups.

I also did my Save the Dates 11 months in advance, with the wedding website up at that time. I was going for a year actually, just because the wedding is in Spain so not exactly a long weekend kind of trip, but I wasn't on the ball enough lol.

I'm sending invitations out on July 1st for a September 25th wedding, with RSVPs by August 15 (caterer needs a month notice.) I know almost three months is long but since the last official correspondence they had about the wedding was in November 2020, I want them to have literature in hand sooner than 2 months out. Especially with all the uncertainty.

I totally get your point about the B list when there are space or budget constraints, and for a destination wedding, and especially during covid (when traveling is still an uncertainty for some). We had to give our venue an estimated guest count to get a quote and contract with them. We sent save the dates on May 1 (our wedding is March 2022) and I’ve already received responses. Now I have a good idea of who definitely cannot attend, which leaves room for additional guests or plus ones when we send invitations out in September. So I guess the Save The Dates was kind of our unintentional “a list”. Hope that helps!!

I have never done lists A and B. But, unfortunately, people find out pretty easy like, "Hey, I got the invite for "Jame's wedding," are you going?, but the other person didn't get an invite because it was on the B list.

We sent the invites to save the date ten months ahead, we have a destination wedding, and we are sending the formal invitations out six months ahead. No, because we want an RSVP right away, but because our families already got the plane tickets and prices are skyrocketing, we don't want our guests to overpay or feel overwhelmed and have enough time to find somebody to take care of their kids, pets or garden. In my case, having an office job, I have to give enough notice to put my vacations and more for a destination wedding where you are traveling for more than 3-4 days.

When it comes to a destination wedding, people know they will or will not attend right after sending out the save the date. We have people right away telling us they can't make it because they want to have a baby, have other things to do, or they don't have any more days off. So my advice is that each wedding is different, you know your people, and if you think you need to send them out soon, go ahead.