Destination Wedding rsvp Frustration

After you have made a second attempt to reach out I would say mark them as not going. And alleviate that stress off of you

You just have to call back one more time and say "I need a definitive answer by X date, or I'm unfortunately going to have to mark you as a no".

I would reach out one more time and let them know a deadline date.

Is there a 100% deadline for the travel agent? I would give your friend until that day and tell them its now or never. "I understand its hard to get time off from work but I have to have an answer today. I have to let my agent know by 4pm the total. I COMPLETELY understand if you cant come but I do have to have an answer today."

Don't just keep telling them that you need a response. They know that already and they didn't respond. Give them one final date and tell them if they don't respond by then, your understanding will be that they can't make it and you will miss them at the wedding.

It sounds like your first friend really does want to come. Unfortunately some work places just don't approve time off that far in advance and they have no control over that.

Reach out to all of them again and let them know that if you haven't heard from them by x date that you'll have to mark them as a no. I'd make the deadline as late as possible before you have to give numbers to give them the best chance of being able to attend

Ok, great. Thanks guys!!

When do you have to give the numbers to your coordinator?

We're having a DW too, and I know a lot of people get excited and are like "ohh a reason to vacation!" Then they realize it's planned around your calendar, not theirs, the costs, etc. and they realize it's harder to commit to. You asked for more than 3 months notice, while not unreasonable is hard to get a hard yes or no sometimes.

I'd mark the unresponsive people as no for now. The one that is still figuring it out i would just be honest you needto tell your coordinator on x date or else she's a no. It's out of your hands.

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My wedding coordinator actually wanted to know the first week of March! Which I thought was way too soon considering I hadn't even sent invitations out yet. As soon as she said she needed to know I asked for a little bit more time and sent the invites out.

I would mark them as declined invitations if they have not responded to either the formal invitation of your personal follow up.

View Quoted Comment Oh wow. Mine is 3 weeks before the wedding for final numbers.

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Wow, thats awesome. Where are you getting married? In Jamaica?

I have decided when it comes time to the deadline, if I reach out and you can't give an answer, it's automatically no. I just can't when I have other stuff going on. My STDs will be sent out months in advance and my rsvps won't be due until 5 weeks before the wedding. Which gives me one week to reach out. If you don't know by a month before, then sorry if you can't make it

View Quoted Comment No, Florida. We're in Virginia, so it's far but not too far to travel.

Obviously our coordinators do things differently, but I'd be kinda pissed if I needed a final count 5 months in advance. I'm 6 months now and I have people going back and forth on me. A lot can happen in 5 months.

Maybe talk to your coordinator? Ask her advice for these 2 people that want to come but can't get approval for their job just yet.

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Yeah, I sent my STD's 18 months in advance so my guests had plenty of time to consider coming.

Honestly the problem seems to be more the coordinator than the friend. 3 months away is still a long time. I would talk to her and see what can be done about a “maybe” . Has she explained exactly why she needs the numbers so early? See how it would work to add or subtract a person later.

And definitely gove the friend a little more time, since you just spoke to her and she just said her husband doesn’t know yet. He probably still won’t know tomorrow. I’d your rsvp deadline was the end of April, you’re currently only 3 days past that. If I were your friend and you asked me again after I just let you know my situation, I’d just go ahead and skip it even if I had been working on figuring out arrangements to attend. I really don’t response well to that kind of pressure AND I wouldn’t be able to wrap my head around the coordinator needing the info that early. There has to be a way to amend the numbers closer to your wedding date...I’d figure out which is easier (adding on a late responder versus subtracting a late responder) and then mark her as that and update your coordinator once she figured it out. (...I mean, within a reasonable period of time. I’m not suggesting you give your friend like, until the week of. That of course is unreasonable and unfair. But if she can get things sorted in a couple of weeks, I’d go out of my way to make sure she is still able to be included)


For reference, most venues I’ve heard of need their headcount closer to 30 days out. This kind of timeline is probably what your friend is used to from her own wedding. That said, I know even after my numbers are due, I can add on guests up until 2 days before the event. I guess I could theoretically subtract guests, but at that point I would still be responsible for paying for them

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I change my original reply to co-sign this. But if it gets down to the 30 days or 2 weeks, then you say you need an answer by x date or you’ll have to mark them as a no.

Did you ever get an answer OP?

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Yes, I did...well sorta! lol

I texted my friends and told them that they had to get back to me by 5pm on Monday. I had given them Thursday, Friday and that weekend to figure it out.

One friend got back to me telling me that him and his wife were planning on coming, but that his mother was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and she will be having surgery this Summer, therefore won't be able to watch the baby they just had in December.

My other friend told me that she was waiting til Friday to give me a response because her husband has been diagnosed with diabetes and has to have surgery for a gastric bypass because they cannot get his sugar under control. I told her I totally understand, but Monday came and went and I never heard back and didn't feel it was appropriate to constantly keep reaching out to get a response. So I took her non-response as a decline.

When I texted my 3rd friend for the 2nd attempted contact, she told me that she would give me a response by Saturday as her husband needed to find out if he could get the time off from work. Saturday came and went and no response. The deadline on Monday came and went and no response. So I took it as a decline.