Devastated - not a Bridesmaid for my former moh

It sounds as if you still have a warm relationship so despite not being entitled to a BM role I can understand feeling disappointment given your sentiments and the long history. Reading between the lines I wonder if 1) she felt she couldn't have a larger party without making the exclusion of her own sister even more obvious than it already is 2) due to your family commitments she inappropriately figured you wouldn't be as available or willing to host elaborate parties, show up at multiple events, travel, DIY or spend the kind of money she expects her BMs to spend on her or 3) she's one of those people who incorrectly thinks that the sides have to match and the FI has 2 groomsmen.

Absolutely your feelings are valid. I'm sorry you're going through this, but it seems like you handled it like a true friend.

Is it possible that she thought, with four kids, you wouldn't have time for MOH duties?

Maybe use this as motivation to find new friends who are at a similar stage of life -- people you might have more in common with right now?

I do think that the friend's comment that asking the two other women to be bridesmaids "just felt right" was both insensitive and hurtful. It's not polite to imply, or essentially tell someone that they weren't asked because it didn't feel right. In fact, it's not polite to tell people why they were not invited to do something at all or why others were in lieu of you. Nevertheless, you behaved very graciously.

We don't know this, but if she did choose with an attitude of who could do more for her at this stage then she's really not behaving like a very good friend IMO. Being asked to be a bridesmaid is an honor not a job. There are no obligations to host or attend parties, especially the kind that too many brides seem to think they are entitled to.

I'm sorry. I was heartbroken when my sister didn't ask me to be her MOH, especially because I had already asked her to be mine (I was engaged first, she married first). Our cousin was her MOH and a lifelong friend, but I was still jealous. As time goes on though, I realized that our cousin was the best choice for my sister's MOH. Your friend might not have articulated it well, but she probably put thought into her wedding party and didn't choose you for reasons that make sense to her. I would suggest finding a time to talk to her privately about the feelings you expressed here.

I agree with you and would not say anything to her. We can guess what some of her possible reasons may be but she's not obligated to justify her choices. There's nothing constructive I can see that will come from confronting her with your feelings. And if it's because she feels closest to her two other friends then what exactly is she supposed to say?

I was in her bridal party. My sister wanted a bachelorette and other activities that cost money. She was also really close to our cousin. We all wanted those things for her, but I was not in a financial position to make it happen and our cousin was.

Feeling unloved by your friend is a big deal. I would think that if she cares about you, it wouldn't drive a wedge in the relationship. Personally I would ask her out to coffee or something and let her know I wanted to talk about something important to me. Although take advice from strangers on the internet with a grain of salt.