Did he downgrade with me?

Men sometimes do not think but regardless of what he says does not mean he thinks he downgraded with you. If anything remember you are the one he put a ring on so if he thought you were a downgrade he would not have proposed. I think it was a meaningless comment you may be reading into. Do not he loves you for you and did not downgrade.

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I understand, but it almost sounds like he is willing to accept not being super attracted to me, but is with me cause I treat him right. I' just afraid in the future if he finds that attractive women, he will leave me.

Men are very visual and I don’t think he’d be with you if he didn’t find you attractive. My husband’s ex was a freaking six foot model (she was also on drugs and cheated on him) and we had a big fight one day and I had to tell him not to bring up his exes anymore. It just leads to comparing and drama and hurt feelings. This isn’t a burden you should have to carry with you. If he brings it up again or if you feel it’s good timing I would tell him it makes you uncomfortable to hear about his exes and to stop comparing.

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I am sorry if this sounds up front but is your wedding near and you are stressed? It seems like this fear is caused by other anxiety. If we are going to be realistic any spouse could cheat but does not mean that they will. I would say tell him how you feel but honestly there is always going to be temptation but you two should trust each other enough to enter the marriage knowing that you will be faithful. If you have a reason to feel he is unfaithful then I would reconsider your relationship but if he has not given you a reason why worry about the what ifs and drive yourself crazy because you could decide to leave him too right? I would not stress about this.

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I do find it uncomfortable. I rarely mention how good looking my ex was, but I do it to counteract what he says. His ex also cheated on him. My ex treated me like crap and was always commenting on how hot other women were. I will definitely tell him not to bring it up again. I really don't know why he needs to bring it up. I don't, unless he does.

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No wedding stress, we already got married. He hasn't given me anything to worry about. Just a lot of insecurity.

View Quoted Comment Right. I never bring up my exes. I only told him things he specifically asked me or that were essential for beginning an intimate relationship. But after we had the no more exes conversation, things got a lot better and I started to feel more secure and happier.

Don’t stress it, girl. I think men often don’t realize how things like this sound. Telling you he got the whole package means you have the brain and beauty. I would take that as him realizing only going after beauty is a bad decision. Don’t compare exes to each other, that’s a recipe to disaster. It doesn’t matter who either of you were with before, those relationships didn’t last, and now you’re married. Cheating isn’t about being with someone “hot”, it’s about fulfilling some inner insecurity. My ex cheated on me multiple times, and none of the women were “hot.” Just talk to him and say when he and his friends say things like that it bothers you. Hopefully he stops, and tells his friends to not make dumb comments about his exes as well. That is so disrespectful to you. Men will talk, and ya women too, but they can do it amongst themselves.

I don’t get it. If he calls you the hottest woman he’s been with and that he got the whole package, that sounds like a fantastic compliment! You’ve got it all.

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Yes this!!! I would be so happy if my H ever told me that!

Men honestly don't think that much about what they say or how they say it. He does sounds like he actually does care for you and loves you dearly! I know exes can put a strain on the relationship so I think you should have a sit down and discuss how that makes you feel so that way moving forward this wont cause issues!! Its 100% understandable to feel that way, I think you should have a talk and see where it goes after that!!!

I'd go to premarital counseling to discuss this.

UGH. I hate these thoughts. My thing is that men are always visual and most men would not want to marry or be physical with someone that they couldn't look at. All people are visual IMO. lol. I think the "looks arent everything " is blahhh because the first thing you know about a person is how they look.

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That's so true! Everyone is visual. I wouldn't be able marry someone I wasn't attracted to. In my opinion looks shouldn't be the only thing people consider.

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Yes I agree! they shouldn't be the only thing, but it sure is the first thing lol

OK I'm trying to understand what the concern is. if his ex was HOT and he's marrying you then that means you are his total package like he said. he must not be a shallow guy who just wants looks. He wants u because you have it all. Beauty and Brains so why are you questioning that?

Maybe have a talk with him about your feelings or a therapist so it doesn't manifest into you being self conscious and looking for signs that aren't there or giving your self anxiety.

If you guys are already married, and you have no reason to suspect him of anything underhanded, then I suggest talking to a counselor to work on your internal filter. It is really easy to take innocently meant comments or observations and twist them into something completely different through a filter of insecurity. And I'm saying this from experience of doing just that myself, so this is not a dig at you at all.

Talking to an independent third party, a professional counselor, can help you sort reality and facts that really need action (ie, talking calmly to your spouse about something he said or did that hurt you) from fears your inner critic twists reality into because of your own insecurity. And a professional can help you overcome your insecurities so you aren't upsetting yourself out of all proportion to reality.