Did you ever consider not having a bachelorette party?

We aren't sure if anyone is throwing us bachelor/bachelorette parties yet, but we are both 100% against having strippers. Everyone is certainly entitled to their own opinion, but to FH and I, there is absolutely nothing okay with having another naked man/woman touching all over them. I don't care if it's their job or if they have their own SO's, it's disrespectful and completely unnecessary. I think it's sad that people about to get married feel the need for that "last night of freedom" (when you aren't even single) with another naked person before marrying the person who is supposed to be the love of their life. If we do have parties, we'll have a great time without a naked dancer.

My husband didn't have strippers at his bachelor party. Some of them opted to go to a strip club (about half, the other half went back to the house because it was 2AM and they had to be at the marina at 4 AM to go fishing). I didn't say "no strippers" though or have any feelings either way, my husband just didn't want to go and ended up not going with his best man, two other groomsmen, and my brother. About 5 of the guys did end up going but I think they told all their wives/girlfriends anyway.

For both of us, we absolutely wanted a bach/bachelor party. We just had guidelines of what was appropriate and what wasn't. Like my husband's main reason for his bachelor party was a full day of deep sea fishing. They obviously went out to bars & stuff too, but the main reason was something not stripper related. I can't imagine if he genuinely told his groomsmen & best man he 100% wanted nothing to do with a stripper, they would still do it?

I would just sit down with your fiance and discuss the idea of having ones, but doing things that are appropriate. Maybe he could go to a paintball facility during the day with all his friends? Or to a football game?

So you convinced your FH not to have a bachelor party because you don't trust him not to have strippers, but now you want to change your mind because you want a bachelorette party? Seems odd. I would revisit these trust issues before the big day. It's totally okay to have boundaries, but you should be able to discuss those boundaries with your FS and trust that they will respect them. You shouldn't have to forbid your FS from having a celebration just to make sure that they respect you.

Why don't you guys look at having a joint party? As in everyone goes out and has a great time. I feel like that would be a good compromise and everyone gets to have fun too.

Considering bachelor/ette parties are basically just parties with one's friends, I can't imagine regretting not having one in the future. Miss hanging out with your friends at any time? Invite them to hang out. So, I definitely wouldn't use FOMO as a reason to have party you don't want in the first place.

That said, if you change your mind and do want a party, invite your friends to do something inexpensive and low key that everyone enjoys, on a date that most are available. And there you go! Bachelor/ette party!

My FH does not like going to strip clubs, nor doing the "stripper thing" under any circumstances. He just finds the whole thing "gross."

But he does like to party and have fun. His buddies will most likely turn his bachelor party into a golf game, then dinner, then drinking. They are talking about renting one of those party buses, so they can all drink but not have to drive. I think that's a great idea!!

What if you had a Jack and Jill?
Maybe do some pampering with and lunch with your girls during the day, the guys can do whatever manly things they choose, and meet up for a dinner all together and a night out as a whole group?

Bachelor parties do not need to involve strippers at all. Actually many guys I know - my FH included - would be absolutely horrified if strippers were a part of their bachelor party. Most of the bachelor parties he has been to have centered around playing paintball, getting a cabin and having a guys weekend in the woods, outdoorsy activities like white water rafting or mountain biking, pub crawls and brewery tours, or a trip to a casino or some sort of game room type environment. There are plenty of guy bonding activities that don't involve naked women at all.

I'm most likely not having a bachelorette due to the timing of my wedding and the fact that my MOH lives four hours away, so I think scheduling what I would want to do before my wedding would be challenging. I'm totally fine with not having a bachelorette if it comes to it. It's not something I've ever found myself dreaming about, so I don't feel like I would miss out if it didn't happen, and I can always have a girls weekend after I am married if I want to. If the only reason you want a bachelorette is because you don't actually care but you are worried that you will care in the future, then you don't need a bachelorette.

I think bachelor parties are more prevalent in media more of a part of a guy's social identity than bachelorettes are for women, so my FH however has always assumed/envisioned he would have a bachelor party and would likely be bummed if he didn't have one. I want him to have one, and it doesn't matter to me if he has a bachelor party and I don't have a bachelorette. I do think if you've both agreed to not have a party, and then you ask to have a party, it would be really unfair to not allow him to do the same. Telling him he can't have a bachelor party because you don't trust his friends not to involve strippers, but that you are going to have a bachelorette party because of fear of missing out is a recipe for resentment. If he doesn't want one, that's one thing, but if you are going to have one you really need to afford him the same option.

Also keep in mind that dudes generally don't get showers or anything, so if you are having a bridal shower (even if it is Jack and Jill style), you are already having a party that is centered around you.