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RaylaSan
Expert February 2021

Did you give your bridesmaids and groomsmen specific jobs?

RaylaSan, on September 23, 2020 at 4:08 PM

Posted in Community Conversations 26

I understand quite well that the MOH and Best Man have duties and jobs they have to carry, but my fiancee and I made the decision that we were not going to have any sort of "Best Man" or "Maid of Honor" when it came to wedding planning as we felt it could cause unnecessary drama. Instead, what my...

I understand quite well that the MOH and Best Man have duties and jobs they have to carry, but my fiancee and I made the decision that we were not going to have any sort of "Best Man" or "Maid of Honor" when it came to wedding planning as we felt it could cause unnecessary drama.

Instead, what my fiancee and I decided to do was have each bridesmaid and groomsman do some sort of job. For example, we put one groomsman to be in charge of collecting cards and gifts after the wedding, and dropping the off at our apartment. As such we even had one specific bridesmaid and groomsman that we felt we were close enough to, to do the typical MOH and Best Man speeches.


Quite a while ago, I remember hearing from my bridesmaid, that her mom and her sisters were talking about how "weird" and "terrible" it was for me to assign bridesmaids and groomsmen jobs for the wedding. When for their weddings, the only thing they had their bridal party do was wear the proper attire.


I can understand where they're coming from, but for me, being a bridesmaid and groomsmen is an honor, and therefore, I don't think I should be labeled as being "terrible" just because I relegated some tasks for each of them to do.

26 Comments

  • RaylaSan
    Expert February 2021
    RaylaSan ·
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    It's nice to see someone actually understand the point I'm getting on. I honestly don't think it's too much to ask someone in the bridal party to handle cards and gifts, like, who do I go to for that situation? I can't ask my family to do it, they're already paying for a lot of the wedding, and I can't ask a guest to do it. Should the bride and groom do it? Like what do they want me to do? I didn't know asking your bridal party members to do stuff was such a terrible thing. Christ, I'm sorry I don't have the money to pay someone to do every little task. @_@

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  • RaylaSan
    Expert February 2021
    RaylaSan ·
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    Dang Karla you don't beat around the bush.

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  • RaylaSan
    Expert February 2021
    RaylaSan ·
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    In places where there's a professional needed, such as photographer, DJ, and bartender. I've already hired them. But I don't think there's such a thing as a professional "Take the gifts to the couple's home" job. It's not a task I can really pass onto my family who've paid for a good portion of the wedding, and it's not a task I feel comfortable giving a guest. Also, I don't have a coordinator, but I don't think their job description includes: taking cards and gifts to the couple's home.

    I'm not having any of my bridesmaids or groomsman make centerpieces, pass out programs, or guard a guestbook. I am also most certainly NOT having any of the bridal party members perform jobs during the reception.

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  • Karla
    Super February 2020
    Karla ·
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    ::shrug::


    My husband and I went into planning our wedding with the mindset that as much as it was for us, it was also for our loved ones/guests. A thank you— our love letter— to them for all their support and love throughout the years. We wanted to make sure our parents, family and friends didn’t have any tasks or duties to stress out about during the planning process and especially during the day/night of the wedding. We wanted them to fully enjoy the weekend. That meant we paid for their attire, hair and makeup, golfing, meals, etc. Literally all we asked of them was to spend our last day of being single by getting ready and having brunch with us, then take photos, walk down the aisle, and stand there at the altar.
    My husband and I are in our early 30s and pretty advanced in our careers that we were able to financially afford to do this and we were able to hire a month-of coordinator (who to be honest was completely useless since I basically planned my wedding and everything she was in charge of, she didn’t do or she did incorrectly). However, even if we didn’t I don’t think I would have delegated duties to our bridesmaids/groomsmen unless they asked if they could help.
    My bridesmaids, especially my MOH, were very supportive and constantly asking me what they could help with and constantly checking in on my wedding planning which I did appreciate.
    Here’s the thing— you chose people who love you to be by you and support you. Their natural instinct that day is to take care of you. I know that’s how I am with my friends on their big day and that’s how my crew was with me. My MOH literally was tweezing my underarms the morning of making sure they were completely hair-free. (She saw me struggling. Lol.) My other bridesmaid made sure I always had a drink in my hand. One constantly made sure my makeup was touched up throughout the night and that my bouquet was in water right after we got back to our hotel so that they would keep fresh. One made sure my cousin didn’t get too drunk and make a scene. Another made sure no one touched our dessert table during cocktail hour.
    I’m sure your friends want to help you. However, when you start dishing out tasks to them like they’re obligated to do so just because you decided to throw a wedding (hate to say it, but no one forced you to have this wedding so no one is obligated to alleviate any of the stress. This is coming from a bride who has been there and done that), then their instinct will naturally be to not want to do it. Most people don’t like being told what to do.
    I see you’re worried about your card box— We had planned on taking the card box back with us that night. We provided transportation for all our guests so we were all riding to the same place (our hotel where we had our afterparty) with them anyway. My bridesmaid actually had her husband swoop it up before we could and he carried it back for us. Smiley smile
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  • L
    Expert September 2020
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    I think posters in these comments overreacted since it seems like you just meant what they could do during the reception/bridal shower etc. i would just be cautious to not make them feel like it is an extra job on top of the many responsibilities they already have in their own lives. But normally the bridesmaids will help you open gifts, write down who gave what, and help you get dressed on your wedding day. And may volunteer to help plan events
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  • C
    Dedicated October 2021
    Cherie ·
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    I agree a little with both sides. What is funny is on the Wedding Wire list of things to do is... Assign task to wedding party. 😂😂 I always helped out but I don't think I would like to told to help out.
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