Difficult Families

I'm sure this has nothing to do with you personally. But you are both babies. Finishing school and then getting married is probably an excellent idea. They want what's best for you, but they're just showing it in a manner that is not the politest.

View Quoted Comment I have to agree with Mandi here. What's the rush? If you're right for each other, waiting another 1-3 years isn't going to change anything. My husband and I were together for 6 years when we got married at 29. We knew each other in high school, and the people we were as teenagers and at 20 was very different from who we are now. Biologically speaking, people's brains are usually not fully developed until around 23-25.


It sounds like you two are mature and responsible. However, it seems like his family has some reservations about you guys getting married so young. I wonder if you can step back and have a conversation with them to hear out their concerns. It sounds like they are going about it in a terrible way, but they are coming from a place of concern for your futures.

First congrats on your engagement!! And I'm going to have to agree with the first two posts. I think waiting until after graduation is the best thing to do. His family is definitely out of control but maybe after graduation they'll calm down. Best wishes!

Do what you want to do that makes you guys happy! If it feels right to get married right now, do it! It doesn’t matter what other people say or think, it’s your happiness. There’s not much that you can do but try to involve them. If they don’t want to be involved than that’s on them. They’ll regret it later on, but at least you will have known that you did everything that you could. Try not to stress or worry about what his family wants to say. Enjoy this engagement!

I say do what makes you happy. I’m 19, my FH is 27. We are both going to school full-time and we work 50+ hours weekly. We support ourselves, own our own house, own our cars, etc


I don’t think you’re rushing at all. If you want to get married now, do it!! I won’t lie. It’ll be stressful, trying to do all of it once but it’s absolutely doable and if your FH family isn’t going to join in on the fun, then so be it. They will regret it later on since that’s their only child. Get married and have fun!!! Don’t let anyone tell you you are rushing and to wait

If this is something you really want then go for it! I'm currently in a masters program, work full time and still wedding plan! Everyone has opinions, but overall your happiness matters. You cant please everyone lol. But as long as you and your FH are on the same page then you are good!

Its possible that his family is trying to offer you both good advice but just going about it the wrong way. It's inappropriate for the comments they are making, but maybe take a step back with FH and your family and see if maybe there is some reasoning for them behaving this way.

First of all, congratulations on the engagement! That being said, I would suggest waiting until after you graduate college. I say this for a few reasons:
1) the moment you sign that marriage license, your financial aid for school changes drastically. You could lose some, if not all, financial aid

2) The job market in many places is very competitive, and people with degrees are finding it very difficult to find gainful employment with sufficient pay. Hopefully, best case scenario, you both graduate and find great jobs. But, it would be wise to plan for the worst. If you or your FH (or both) cannot find a job right out of college, you may need to depend on family. If you get married before graduating, it sounds like his family will not help if you guys need it
3) You should take the time to enjoy being engaged! We get to carry the title “fiancé” for such a short time... enjoy it for awhile!
4) wedding planning should be fun! Trying to plan your wedding while in school and working is going to be super stressful. School should be your priority. Don’t add the distraction & stress of a wedding on top of it. And the fact that your future in-laws are obviously incredibly against this union prior to graduation (and not afraid to vocalize it!) is going to steal a lot of the joy out of it. I feel like you are going to be robbed of a happy experience if you try to force it now. Just wait til you graduate and then enjoy the planning experience. If you 2 are planning on committing the rest of your lives to being together, then there should be no rush

So, instead of a "family nightmare," I'm going to give you a parent's perspective on a situation similar to yours. Our daughter and now SIL met when they were 14/15, and became an "exclusive couple" when they were 15/16. They are both smart, hard-working, and highly motivated young people. By the time they graduated from high school at 18, they were pretty certain they would be "together forever," but knew they needed to complete their college degrees in order to be prepared to pursue their career goals. The first two years, they went to colleges about a hundred miles apart. Daughter was miserable, and came home/visited her then bf every single weekend. She transferred for her junior year, and they finished college together. By that time they were absolutely certain they would eventually get married, but also knew they needed to finish school and get established in their careers. They decided to move in to an apartment together at the start of their senior year, with both sets of parents' blessing. They learned a lot that year about what it means to live together full-time, how to manage joint expenses, share housework, etc. They graduated -- daughter summa cum laude and bf's grades were also quite good. Throughout all four years of college they both worked, sometimes multiple jobs. SIL needed to complete a graduate certification to pursue his career, so he had to go to grad school. They got engaged shortly after graduating with their BAs, and planned on an 18-month engagement. Daughter found her first career position and worked full-time while fiance went to school/student taught full-time, and they planned their wedding. SIL finished his certification, got a full-time job and their wedding was about 8 months later. They've been married a little over a year now, and are doing wonderfully. We've loved our now SIL pretty much since we first met him when he was 15; however, we would have been extremely unhappy if they had chosen to get married before they both finished college and were established in their careers. They have both grown up and matured a LOT, especially throughout college and the beginning of their careers. When they got married, they'd been an exclusive couple for 8 years -- one-third of their lives -- but from the beginning, they knew they had a lot to accomplish to make sure they had the sturdy foundation they wanted to build the rest of their lives on. They also knew that if they were truly meant to be together, another couple years before the wedding certainly wouldn't be a bad thing. I don't know you and your fiance, or your situation, but as a parent, I can tell you we were thrilled when they got engaged following college graduation. They were still quite young -- daughter was barely 22, and didn't turn 24 till after the wedding. I agree with pp who encouraged you to talk with FH's parents and really listen to their thoughts and concerns. Regardless of the situation, marriage is challenging, all the more so if you don't have family support. Good luck to you!

1st of all congrats and do whatever you and your partner wants!! It is your life, and while people may be upset, in the end if you approach it with kindness and are well intentioned it will work out. You and your partner know your situation the best so take the advice with a grain of salt.


Quick story...I was engaged real young (18) with a guy in the military (typical story). We were together all through high school and my first year of college. We thought we knew everything and that marriage is what we wanted. Well.. It didn't work out for us and we didn't follow through. (Not saying you two wont work, my point is coming LOL) None of my family wanted the wedding to happen (at that time anyways). It was very stressful going against my family and not having everyone cheering for us. They helped and were around, but I could feel the tension. It was a real bummer. Fast forward Idk 10 years later...I am now engaged to my now fiancee. We've been together 3 years. I am wrapping up my grad school program in May and we are getting married in December. Our families are over joyed and very active in our planning. Honestly this experience is a 180 from the last and I love it. It is a different experience when everyone is behind you 100%!
Maybe take some time to sit and listen to their points of view? Not saying you have to listen but maybe a chat would smooth things over. I very much rejected the philosophy my grandma always said, what you want at 18 isn't what you want at 21, and what you want at 21 isn't what you'll want at 25.. But now swear by it. Again, not saying you won't make it, but so much growth and changes occure in your 20s. Take your time and grow together! Maybe plan a wedding for after you graduate ?? Save up and have a great event!
Best wishes to you both!