Difficult father of the bride situation

Basically, you'll need to invite him, unless you are sure you want him out of your life for good. (Not inviting a parent to your wedding is going to strain your relationship with him pretty much forever.) But you can ignore the rest of his demands. He doesn't have to be allowed to walk you down the aisle, have a father-daughter dance, or give a speech. It might be easier on your mother if he isn't constantly being celebrated at the wedding, particularly if she (who has been far more supportive) is not receiving similar honors.

If he comes to the wedding, in spite of not getting these honors, you'll just need to seat him well away from your mother.

Been there done that got the t-shirt. My dad was not supportive of us because we lived together before we got married - the scandal of it all! - so we ended up only talking to him sparingly and with me gritting my teeth. It got so bad that he planned a whole weekend of being in Dallas, only to ask us to dinner, and me and my FH were both prepared to just get through dinner and see him off. But he was trying to offer an olive branch, of sorts. I let him into my life in the sense that he is welcome to the wedding - not a popular opinion because of the messy divorce my mom still isn't over 13 years later- and he is walking me down the aisle. Best advice I can give is it's your day. He can throw a fit, but he's not paying. So let him throw tantrums - you said what you wanted and it should be your way within reason. Stay strong girl. I agree with toast at the rehearsal dinner - we did the same thing with my dad. And hell, you threw him the father daughter dance. I am digging in my heels on giving him that because I don't want to deal with it.

Also yes, we're sitting my dad in the back corner, and they're sitting in the first row of the ceremony but as far away from each other without us renting the next room as possible. My mom STILL pitched a fit but is getting over it.

My father in law didn’t show up to our wedding because my mother in law was (obviously) there. They’ve been divorced over 20 years. There’s really nothing you can do except be the bigger person and be nice and let him have his own regrets.

His presence sounds very toxic to you. I would draw a hard line, he can attend as a guest but that's it. Don't let him throw a tantrum to force you to give him what he wants. If he chooses not to go that's sad, but ultimately better for you.

Wow I agree with the PP. I would invite him as a guest only. With that type of behavior I wouldn’t want him to give a speech or walk me down the aisle. I would have my mom walk me if she’s been the one there for you or just walk by yourself. If you keep giving him what he wants he will keep throwing tantrums to get it.

Your father sounds controlling and emotionally abusive. I would have him attend as a guest and nothing else. He has crossed too many lines. His behavior isn't just toxic. He is engaging in abuse, control, and manipulation. He did it to your mom, now he's doing it to you. This is not normal or healthy.

I'm so sorry. I agree with pps that if you want him at the wedding, you should invite him, but I would say "no" to any and all other demands you are even slightly uncomfortable with. (Honestly, given his history of outbursts and verbally abusive behavior, there is NO WAY he'd be giving a speech at the wedding. I would make sure the DJ and anyone else knows that -- no matter what happens, no one gives him a microphone.) I understand it has to be very difficult to be the adult child between your feuding parents, but it sounds like his behavior may well be aimed at making things even harder for your mom. I'd draw a line; he is welcome if he will keep his mouth shut and be civil, if not -- don't come. I would seat them as far apart as possible, and if there are other strong men in your life/family (an uncle or grandfather) enlist their help in keeping him in line or escorting him out. Good luck to you! You deserve to have a happy, stress-free wedding!

Wow! Not to sound harsh, but your father is very immature. I personally wouldn’t invite him, just to keep the drama out of your day. If he isn’t contributing, then don’t bother listening to what he has to say. This is you and your future husband’s day, not his! I know he’s your father, but he shouldn’t be acting this way. He’s putting more pressure on you. If he’s not supporting you in any way, even by not attending the rehearsal dinner, don’t waste your time with him. If you want your day to run smoothly, don’t invite him. So sorry for your frustrations!

If he is invited/attends, there's no way I'd let him near a microphone. It doesn't sound like you can be sure he won't try to stir things up.

Jeez, any chance you guys can try family therapy to set boundaries for the wedding day? I worry about how his past verbal abuse will affect your mom and I wonder if a neutral party is the best way to help your dad recognize the damage he's doing to his relationships.