Difficult Situation

So the question is, is she or isn’t she YOUR friend? And what does her infidelity have to do with your wedding? Did she cheat or hurt you? No, she cheated on her husband, right, wrong or indifferent- you have no idea what happened behind their closed doors. Cheating isn’t right, but again unless she did something directly to you, why do you want to punish her for her failed marriage? That’s between her estranged husband and her.


It honestly sounds like because of her infidelity you no longer want her as a friend, and if that’s the case - then demote her. But it is definitely a friendship killer.

Yikes! Are you really close to this bridesmaid? Know that if you kick her out of the wedding it could be detrimental to your relationship with her, so if she’s important to you that’s something important to think about. I try not judge people’s decisions, especially from the outside looking in and not knowing everything that goes on in someone else’s marriage. But her wanting to bring the person she cheated with would be a hard no for me.

I think at the end of the day you need to decide if you want to keep her as a friend.

If you're close enough to her, maybe you could communicate with her and figure out what happened to have her make a choice like that. If the reason behind it doesn't matter to you, and you feel like this is a friendship-ender, then you can tell her that you're uncomfortable with the whole thing and prefer to not have her in the wedding. Though as others mentioned, you should be 100% sure when going that route because there isn't really any going back from demoting her.

If you do decide to keep her in the party, I think it's reasonable to tell her you're feeling conflicted and uncomfortable having her bring the person she cheated with. If she's your actual friend, you guys should have a dialogue.

What happened in your friend’s marriage has nothing to do with your friendship with her. I would say if you are contemplating kicking her out of your wedding party because of this, you may want to take stock of how close a friend she really is to you (or, how good of a friend you really are to her!). If I were and your situation, I would not even hesitate having one of my closest friends still stand with me. As far as the new boyfriend attending... that would depend on my relationship with the bridesmaid’s husband. If I were close to the husband, I would probably not feel comfortable with her bringing her new flame.

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I agree with all this here. Her relationship has nothing to do with yours or your wedding. You can personally decide that your marriage will be different. However in regards to bringing the new guy. That is a tricky one. I mean if her ex will not be there I would not sweat it but will it be awkward? Yes. I mean you do not want to deny her a plus one. I feel that what is going on in her life is her business and you have every right to not agree with it but you should not base your friends love lives on your relationship with them. If you remove her over something like this it will most likely end the friendship so if you are okay with that then go for it.

View Quoted Comment Agree with all of this.

I agree with the above comments, and I would take a step back and check in with how good of a friend you’re being in this situation. Do you know the whole story? Is it your place to place judgment?

This is a huge issue. Nobody really knows what goes on behind closed doors. Who are you closer to?

What she did in her marriage has no weight on yours. Are you all of a sudden no longer her friend due to her having an affair? That’s her life to live.... stay focused on your own

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She is my friend, but I forgot to mention in my original post that her husband is actually my fiancé's step-brother which makes matters more complicated.

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She is my friend, but her husband is also my fiancé's step-brother which I now realize I forgot to include in the original post.

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What's hard is that she's married to my fiancé's step-brother. I actually met my fiancé because of her.

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I forgot to mention in my original post that she's married to my fiancé's step-brother.

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She is married to my fiancé's step-brother.

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She is one of my closest friends. She introduced my fiancé and I. She is married to my fiance's step-brother.

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She is one of my best friends which is why she is supposed to be in our wedding. However, I forgot to mention she is married to my fiancé's step-brother. What I know is that she lost a bunch of weight last year which is what my fiancé and I think contributed to her cheating. His step-brother hasn't said anything about the divorce which is why she is the one that told me rather than him telling any of us.

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She is one of my best friends, but her husband is my fiancé's step-brother. I forgot to include that in the original post.

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I forgot to mention she is married to my fiancé's step-brother which is why this situation is more difficult.

View Quoted Comment Either way you need to talk to her. In this case, family comes 1st (in my opinion). If it was me, I would explain that this is an extremely difficult situation but since he’s family, she & her new man cannot come to the wedding.

View Quoted Comment I would really talk to your FH and see what his feelings are for his step brother. Is his step brother still planning to attend the wedding? This is certainly a difficult situation. I would say absolutely no to bringing her new beau if her husband is attending wedding and I would assume he is. If FH feels her being at the wedding will keep him from attending then you guys need to decide who is more important to you as a couple.
While I agree with everyone else that her marriage has nothing to do with yours and you should just be her friend, it does get a lot more complicated knowing that her husband is family.