dink (double/dual Income No Kids) Couples

I would say that is something that should be discussed early on and definitely before you would get engaged. Most people know if they ever want to have children. If one person does and the other doesn't the relationship usually doesn't last because the two individuals have two very different ideas of what they want in the future.

We had the conversation before we ever got engaged. If FH didn’t want kids it would’ve been a deal breaker for me. Luckily we agreed the ideal number is 2, if we are so blessed.

Yes. I've known I don't want kids since I was about 12. I told my fiancé a few months into the relationship. (He comes from a family where everyone marries young and has three or more kids, so I made it clear to him that we won't be doing that)

Ideally the conversation should happen before getting engaged, but definitely before marriage. Whether or not to have kids is oftentimes a deal breaker for people, so it’s only fair both parties entering a marriage are clear on how their partner feels on the subject.

It would be a deal breaker for me. I discuss the important issues early on in dating so I don’t waste my time.

I think marriage and kids is something you should definitely discuss early on. You don't want to wait till you guys been together for years and then realize that you both want different things. My fiance and I discussed this after being together for a month. That may have been to early but we both knew we didn't want to waste time with the wrong person. For me no kids isn't a deal breaker, I've never had a strong desire to have kids and always said it would be a decision that my future husband can make, for me it is if I have them great if I don't great. For my fiance it was definitely a deal breaker, he always wanted to be a dad.

I went into our relationship not really wanting kids and fiancé definitely wanted kids. We talked about it for a long time and around 2 years in finally decided I needed to make a decision on whether I'd actually want to have them because that was a dealbreaker for him. So I guess now I'm a soft yes, but it wouldn't hurt my feelings if one day he decided he didn't want them lol (that won't happen). We've been together over 5 years now and he's probably the only person I could've seen myself agreeing to that with.

I think it's important to talk about those things sooner rather than later, and before you're engaged if possible.

In my personal opinion, kids should be discussed as early as possible so no one wastes their time. I don't think there is a "too early." If I were dating, I'd likely make it clear on the first date that I was not going to have children, ever.

Children are life-defining. As they should be - you are raising tiny humans that require every fraction of your being for many years.

And I don't believe compromise can be found here. There are things you can compromise on about children - how many, what religion they are raised in, and so on - but whether or not you have them at all is not one of them. There may be people who are not completely decided and so they can work it out together, but if you are firmly in one camp or the other, there is no bargaining. "Just one" is not a compromise for someone who wants zero, and "zero" is not a compromise for someone who wants one or more.

Luckily my husband and I are on the same page, and in twenty years it hasn't changed.

We discussed it early on. I was a bit on the fence about it, meaning that if I found a partner super into the idea of kids I could probably be swayed and also be super into the idea, but otherwise I was content without kids. And, we were both a bit older when we met so a bit outside of the window when most people have kids (but not impossible). No regrets. Our friend group is almost exclusively without children so we don't really feel like it is out of the norm, but definitely agree it is best to get on the same page about that before getting too serious!

I think it’s important to discuss early and often. We started dating in our early/mid 20’s. At that point I absolutely did not want children ever. He had always imagined himself with kids. We both knew where each other stood. As the years went on, he has become more open to not having kids and I have become more open to potentially having them. We’re now married and in our early 30s. We both know we do not want to have kids in the next 5 years, but maybe we will want one someday. We will be looking into freezing my eggs soon so that we do have that option when we are older, if we so choose.

I went into the relationship knowing I didn’t want kids. A partner who does is a huge deal breaker for me, so I was very upfront with my now fiancé when we first started dating. Fortunately, we are on the exact same page. It’s not worth my time or fair to the other person to date someone knowing you are on different wavelengths on a major, life changing issue.

I already have one child from a previous relationship and he's 14 now, so I made it clear very early on that I didn't know if I would want to have more, because I'm past the dependency phase and I don't know that I want to go through that again. As time went on, I have opened up more to the possibility and it's a conversation we've had several times throughout the course of our relationship. I think there's no such thing as "too soon" or "too often"

I also think that's something to discuss early on too.

we don't want to have kids for a while. i've been married for 2 years now but we are in no rush at all to try haha. we also aren't 100% into the idea of having kids yet.

My husband and I have no mutual children. Our children are all older (middle school plus). Having additional children was discussed probably within the first week of knowing each other. It's a really important conversation to have early on! At this time we both know the logistical challenges of having a mutual child is just not practical (I had a hysterectomy 11 years ago) and deciding to leave the possibility open in the future if it does become practical wasn't a deal breaker. We're both content with being almost empty nesters lol.

I agree that it's a discussion to have very early. Pretty much as soon as FH and I became 'serious' we had that discussion.

I have a daughter from a previous relationship, and he knew about her pretty much right from the start. He's wonderful with her, and has gotten her into a lot of the same interests as him, but for the most part he's team no kid.

For me, I never wanted kids in the first place, and don't feel any need to have more.

There's days FH thinks he'd like to have kids (especially when around babies or when he sees especially cute baby videos), but he almost always switches right back to not wanting them. I've made it clear to him that I'm ambivalent to the idea and if he wants one we can try for it, but we wouldn't go to extreme measures to have one of our own. If it wasn't destined to be but we wanted a baby we'd look at fostering or adopting to fulfill our needs.

It’s never to early to have the conversation and in my opinion it’s better to get it out of the way early so you don’t end up trapped in something you don’t want

My FH knew from a young age he didn't want kids and that was only reaffirmed when his sisters had kids. He brought it up with the first 2 months of us dating. We agreed that since I wanted kids and he did not that we would both reconsider the idea with an open mind and he would hold off on getting a vasectomy until after I was 35. I went into that agreement being okay with the idea of not having them if he still didn't want to by the time I was 35.



Since then, both of us have come around to the other's way of thinking somewhat. Currently, we both agree that we don't want kids but my FH is now not completely against having them either.

We discussed this very early on. Maybe on the 3rd or 4th date? It was definitely something we made sure to discuss at least 2 full years before living together, and another 2 years before we got married. I would not have continued to date someone who didn't also want to have kids and eventually start a family.

Very early on for me. I dated a fellow who was all about having kids one day, while I was leaning toward not. I let him know that, and he told me I would probably change my mind. Instead I ended the dating. No sense in me wasting his time. I discussed early on with my SO that I was on the fence, and so was he. That was OK since it meant it was something to discuss. We've finally decided it isn't for us - DINK life fits us best.

I was born knowing I didn't want kids and have always been completely open about it. I honestly don't remember when my then-boyfriend and I first discussed it, but it was certainly early on in our relationship. He was probably not as vocal about it (because there is far less societal pressure on men to procreate), but he was absolutely certain about not wanting children.

It would have been a dealbreaker for me if he had wanted children. I agree with most others here that there really isn't a "too soon" to discuss it. There's no possible way to compromise on this topic.