Disappointment with Mom.

Yes, I think you should go to the appointment without her--whether or not she blows you off. This is a very exciting time for you and FH. Who knows what is causing her lack of enthusiasm, but you don't need that kind of negativity at a time like this. And if you take her dress shopping, you run the risk of her saying rude/hurtful things to you, and ruining the whole day. I was so lucky to have women with me who support me, and are genuinely excited about this process. So, take the ones who are excited to go, not a debbie downer, even if she is your mother.

I'm sorry you feel that way. Honestly, the best thing to do going forward is not involve her in anything wedding related. Involve your fiance, his family, your bridesmaids, or anyone who shows support. I would also invite someone else to the appointment in case she bails, and go regardless if she does or not.

BTW, I'm so sorry she isn't more excited for you. A mom should be. If my mom was alive, she would be over the moon, and excited about every step.

Because she doesn't want "the added stress of dealing with a wedding" take it off her plate. Don't discuss any more wedding details with her, and just do what you want, including only those that are truly excited for you.

Thank goodness for your dad!!

I totally understand that! My mom wants a Type A guy for me (like outgoing and etc) but my fiance is type B. He's just more on the shy and quiet side, but he's still very sweet! My mom thinks his family is kinda pretentious because they're just a bit more shy and quiet, and she isnt really on board with me marrying him. She makes side comments like that and it can be a bit discouraging, but I'm hoping once we're married she can get over it, because my fiance has been my best friend for over 4 years already and such a supportive guy.

I would invite her but also just give her some time and maybe limit how much shes involved in the wedding. But I would definitely talk to her about it if she gets angry or makes more comments

Ugh I'm sorry your mom is being like that. I would focus on bringing those who are excited and want to be there. If you put it off hoping she'll come she sounds like she'll just be a huge downer anyways.

You can borrow my mom. She was way over excited and wanted in on everything and I'm the opposite of you. I didn't want her opinion on anything at all lol

My mom also is not not excited :/ she was out of town when my FH proposed and I called her right away because I was excited. Her reponse was, "I need a shot" and hung up. It hurt, but I moved on and the rest of my family was very excited. Even now we don't talk about the wedding, anytime i bring it up she says she needs a drink and will either end the call or change the subject. I took my future SIL's and future MIL wedding dress shopping. It was a great time as they are all super excited about the wedding, but deep down it still kinda hurts that mom won't participate in any way.
I say go to the appointment with people who are excited, she can't be mad if shes the one blowing you off.

Two things:

1. Not everyone is interested in weddings. I notice that you're okay with your father not being involved in things like dress shopping, but just contributing financially, while you expect your mother to be involved. That's really unrealistic and unfair to your mother. Your gender doesn't determine whether weddings interest you.

2. If your mother hasn't shown enthusiasm for anything in your life, why would you expect her to start now? People don't suddenly change when you have a wedding.

Right now, you need to let go of some fairy tale version of how people in your life are going to act, and work with what you've got. Go dress shopping with those who are excited about dress shopping. Be grateful for the financial support from your father. Don't involve your mother unless she expresses some desire to be involved.

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Hi 2d Bride. I guess it's hard to explain every little detail about my relationship with my mom so that others can understand without writing an entire novel on a forum post. I will do my best to further explain the situation to address your two thoughts.

1. I completely understand that not everyone is interested in weddings and I completely agree. I'm not sure how you can say that you noticed that I'm okay with my father not being involved in things like dress shopping. Although I did not mention him and the wedding dress shopping, If I asked him, he would excitingly go. My best friend who is a male would also excitingly go. I'm not sure what pointing out gender has to do with this post at all. It has to do with my mother and my relationship with her. My dad has shown excitement for the wedding, beyond just helping financially. I just don't think it's acceptable at all to blow someone off. If you don't want to be a part of the wedding planning, fine. I will bring others who are. My issue with her really is that she would be upset if I went without her, yet she keeps making up excuses to not go. You either want to be a part of it or you don't.

2. I agree. I shouldn't expect her to start showing enthusiasm just because it's a wedding. The reason I have a "fairy tale version" of how people in my life are going to act is because my half sister got married, and my mom went dress shopping with her and basically helped her plan her wedding in three months. She was enthusiastic about it at that time. This was many years ago, however, I still had an expectation that maybe she would be excited for mine. I would consider my mom and I closer than the relationship that my half sister has with her, which is why it's left me a little hurt and confused.

Thank you for your thoughts and advice!

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Thank you for your advice Cristy. I agree, her negativity is definitely not helping, lol! and I am a very sensitive person so it's hard. I'm trying to not let it get to me!

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Thank you so much, I think I will definitely make an effort to involve FH/his family/bridesmaids etc. I also think it's a good idea to limit her involvement with anything wedding related.

View Quoted Comment Thank you Katie. I'm so sorry you're going through that. Your mom should be happy as long as YOU'RE HAPPY...no matter who your FH is. Comments like that can be so hurtful. I hope that your situation gets better. Thank you for your advice, I think that I will limit how much she's involved...so I can avoid the negativity lol.

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Lol Thank you MrsV! Yes, can I borrow your mom for the weekend? Lol! She sounds so sweet.

Thank you for your advice. I agree, I think I should just focus on bringing those who are excited and want to be there! It will make the experience much more positive + exciting!

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I agree. This goes for her & anyone else not supportive in your life.

View Quoted Comment That's very true!!!! Thank you

View Quoted Comment Bonnie, I am so sorry to hear this. That makes me very sad to hear how your mom acted when you called her and told her about your proposal. Similarly, my mom didn't have much to say. No "congratulations!", "I'm excited!", nothing. Which you can't expect everyone to jump over the moon with joy but honestly, when it's your mom, it hurts. I don't care what anyone says, it still hurts. I'm so glad you took your FSIL/FMIL with you shopping and had a great time! I think I should follow everyone's advice and leave my mom out of most of the planning. I don't think I'll even talk about anything wedding related to her.

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This is good advice, I agree.

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Thank you Danielle! I think so too.

View Quoted Comment I wish you all the best too!!! Good luck!!

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Thank you Katie! By the way...we are almost wedding twins lol. Mine is October 12th!

View Quoted Comment Haha!! Lmost same situation and almost same date lololol

I wish October would just come sooner!! Lol