I am not expecting anyone to actually read this essay of a discussion. It feels good to write it down and clear my head.
I wasn't sure if it was a good idea to post my story on here, but I need some genuine advice and support. I am having friend issues recently and I don't know if its just me and Im not sure how to feel about it all.
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I live in the UK and the wedding will be in Las Vegas with 25 of our closest friends and family. We are spending 5 days in Vegas so our Bachelor and Bachelorette will be on on of those nights.
Tom (my gay MOH) booked a 2 night weekend for 5 of us girls in amsterdam a couple of weeks ago as a mini bachelorette party. I was excited although I was a little worried as Tom can be quite extravagant whereas Im more of a chill at a bar person but I knew I had to keep an open mind and go with it.
The first day we arrived, Tom had booked a river cruise with lunch afterwards which worked out great as we couldn't check in to our apartment until after 3pm. When we checked in we emptied our bags as we had bought some spirits to share in the airport and most of us brought a little something for the weekend:
Sarah had purchased a little hangover kit for me and brought fairy lights, Photo Booth props and some games.
Poppy has found old pictures of me and of me and her, printed them and put them up all around the apartment
Tom had bought us all personalised t-shirts, prosecco pong and facemasks for that night
I brought some mini gins and chocolates for each girl
The only person who didn't bring anything or contribute was Beth. This didn't bother me as I didn't expect what was brought anyway - Such a treat!
Later that evening we were going to go for an early tea around 6ish but Poppy fell ill (she had only had a baby 5 weeks before by C section). She took tablets but needed to wait for them to kick in before we could continue our night which was no problem. I stayed with poppy in our bedroom for an hour or so until she felt better whilst sarah and beth started/continued drinking.
By this time it was 8pm and we were ready to go for some pizza. Sarah had drank a 70cl bottle of rum to herself by this point (which is normal ...we are welsh after all!) and beth was half way through her bottle of gin. The two of them suggested we didn't need to go for food lets just go straight to a bar. Myself Tom and Poppy said its not a good idea poppy should have some food so lets go. At the restaurant sarah said lets just share 2 pizzas between 5 of us, tom said no 3 will be fine if there are left overs we can take them home for later when we are drunk. We ordered 3 pizzas to share and although sarah and beth didn't want any food they demolished their share and a few extra slices.
Once we left sarah and beth were obviously ready to party, so we went into a bar a few shops down for a beer. Sarah pulled out her dare cards and started handing them out. Mine was to stand on the table and dance. I was sober and it was a tiny bar with about 10 old men in there. I said not yet let me drink some more first and we will go to a lively bar then Ill do it. Poppy said no to her dare as she was sober and Toms dare was to kiss the next guy who walks in - this wasn't appropriate he may have gotten hit in the face as these men were in their 50s+.
Beth and sarah tossed their eyes at poppy - this is the first time they have met poppy so she felt uncomfortable. They complained and said there isn't any point playing and put the cards away. I said I will when I catch up with you two. Sarah and beth then decided they wanted to find somewhere to dance. Tom suggested a jazz bar by out apartment so they could dance and the 3 of us could chill with some beers. As if was by our apartment I suggested to sarah and beth, if they are ready to party, why don't they go to the Jazz bar, us 3 will go to the apartment down a few drinks then 20/30 mins later we will catch you up. They said no its ok we don't want to split up which is fine. We all walked back to the apartment. On the way me and poppy were walking and talking together about 10 steps behind the others. We thought nothing of it.
Once we got to the apartment it was like a twilight zone. Both started trying to argue with me as I sat there trying to catch up on my drinks. It was out of the blue I didn't know what was wrong. Sarah didn't say anything as I think she wanted beth as a drinking buddy. Poppy tried saying to beth look tell us whats wrong and we can sort it but beth was just off on one. Beth arguing (not really with anyone) lasted around 2 hours. In-between this point poppy said Im going for a smoke downstairs as she felt awkward as she didn't know anyone. Tom said he would make sure she is ok as she was outside by the bar (there was a bar below our apartment) which then left me with beth and sarah. I wasn't going to waste my time arguing with drunk people. So I kept my cool and listened and listened it was like a non stop dog yapping. At one point whilst beth was shouting at me sarah chipped in and said Im not making an effort this flipped a switch and I cursed at her (as in what do you mean Im not making an effort not actually to leave) I said I can't deal with being attacked by 2 people enough is enough. Sarah went outside to have a smoke on the balcony upset as to what I said...I think she took it literally. I was annoyed by her comment as thats all Id done that night is worry that no-one will have a good time until Im as drunk/ on the same level as them which is ridiculous! Not that I told anyone this. I didn't understand where this stuff was coming from. I apologise to sarah when she walked back in the room saying I shouldn't have said that and didn't mean it in that way its because you said i wasn't making an effort...before I could finish she started shouting saying she never said that. I was sober as anything so Im not sure if it because she had drank the bottle of rum that she forgot what she said no idea but thats what caused me to quickly get hot headed and say that. Beth kept joining sarah on the balcony for a smoke then coming back in and starting again. It felt that Beth would wind sarah up to say things. Sarah was drunk she was all over the place, one minute she would be shouting with beth, the next she would be acting as if nothing had happened. I don't really know why I sat there. I pretty much just ignored her. It turned out Beth had told sarah I huffed at a comment sarah made on the way back to the apartment. I said this is why your trying to argue with me? I didn't even realise I had huffed at a comment of sarahs as me and Poppy were walking a little way behind them. I tried to defuse the argument but nope. It was like beth was a little yappy dog She started getting personal saying Ive had it in for her for years and that Ill e leaving this bachelorette party with no friends. She then turned around and said she agreed with what sarah said how Im not making an effort on this bachelorette party ...if you knew she had said that why didn't you say so as she kicked off about how she didn't say it. Anyway I kept quiet.
By the end of it I was cool as a cucumber (I have no idea how) and I was like ok if thats your opinion. This annoyed her more. Anyway, sarah and beth then decided they had had enough and left to go to a bar by themselves.
By this point as I was sat alone, reality set in and I saw my fiancé was still awake and had messaged me so I called him. I sobbed my heart out and told him what had happened. I have never in the 10 years we have been together heard him so angry ever. He was saying how dare they on your weekend - this is when it hit me that actually my friends were supposed to be here for me but not once did I want to say that to them as I know each person had paid equally to be here so I though of it as "our" trip.
Tom and poppy returned and he said it was wrong of them to kick off. Tom and Poppy don't really know the other two. It felt that they were annoyed that no-one else was in "party mode" or as drunk as them but they took it out on me not the other two as they don't know Poppy or Tom. I sort of feel Tom or Poppy should have said enough is enough we are here for Chez's bachelorette there is a time and place. I understand they felt uncomfortable, but if an outsider had said that beth may have actually stopped and realised. If I had said it she would have assumed Im arguing back.
Tom offered to come with me and get a flight home the next morning. I knew that if I left, I would be the bad guy - I had to stay. We went to bed after a cup of tea and 3.30 in the morning I woke up to mine and Poppys bedroom door being slammed 3 times. I lifted my head to see what was going on and sarah and beth grabbed their luggage and took it into the living room and slammed the bedroom door again. I heard them complain about us 3 not waiting up for them and how the door was locked and no-one let them in (there is only 1 key and you can't lock the door from the inside without the key) I thought jeez you are grown ass women I am not your parent why would I wait up for you? I obviously knew better than to say anything - I went back to sleep.
The next day, as I was doing my make up in the kitchen, beth walked past me, looked at me and walked to the bathroom, then walked back to bed without saying a word. Awkward!! I got myself ready and went for a browse around the shops to clear my head before anyone else was awake and to speak to my dad for advice on what to do. I was still really upset but I didn't want to ruin the weekend for everyone.
Poppy and Tom met me for coffee around 11am and we all had an escape room (of all the things!) booked for 1.30pm. They agreed that to move forward, beth and Sarah need to put their hands up admit they were a tad drunk and shouldn't have said those things then all would be fine and we would have a good weekend. Sarah and Beth finally joined us for coffee and a bite to eat at 12.45. Sarah acted as though nothing has happened and she was hunky dory. Beth on the other hand didn't speak. We finished at the cafe to head over to the escape room. On the way Poppy said to me quietly is anyone going to address the elephant in the room. I knew it had to be me.
Once we arrived outside the escape room I said guys before we go and get locked in a room together (in a break the ice sort of way) shouldn't we address what happened last night? Sarah put her hands up and said I'm not doing this then walked away, beth on the other hand kicked off again. So much for sorting things out. I turned to sarah and beth and said look I apologise if you thought I had huffed at the comment sarah made but I wasn't aware I had or of her comment and I also apologise for what I said (although I explained it wasn't in that way ... more of a OMG shut up I can't believe it way) I said Beth you said some hurtful things last night I just think lets clear the air and have an awesome rest of the weekend. She was having none of it. I turned around and said look Beth, this argument started because you made up a story last night about me huffing at a comment I didn't even know what said (as I was walking 10 steps behind them with Poppy) She wouldn't listen. I said beth what are you actually here for? If you don't want a nice weekend of celebrations then why are you here? She shouted and stomped back to the apartment. I messaged her and said just come back we are waiting for you for the escape room. She didnt reply before we had to go in and leave our phones in the locker.
The escape room was absolutely amazing. Its funny how the dynamic of the group changed without Beth being there. Sarah still hadn't addressed her part in the night before but she was making and effort and not giving the silent treatment.
Once we got out of the escape room I saw a message from Beth on my phone, not apologising but admitting she is argumentative in drink - at this point I was going to take any sort of reaching out from her as a sort of peace offering. When we got back to the apartment she was in bed reading. Its funny how she complained the day before multiple times how she didn't pay to come here and stick in the apartment yet she is the one who was too hungover to actually join in with shopping etc after the escape room.
After this everyone was fine and the rest of the weekend was so much fun!!
We went to the red light district and the ice bar and got back at the apartment 2am.
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The issue I have now is, its still upset me that the 2 girls haven't addressed that night, but I also understand that I can't control people and to not expect an apology. I don't want to mention that night as it will leave a bad taste in their mouths and the weekend will forever be remembered for that one negative night. We left on such a good note that its not worth ruining that.
I have since messaged beth and sarah as I normally would beth seems normal with me. Sarah on the other hand has seemed off since. I asked her if she wanted to do something with our other friend to watch the game last weekend and she replied a 3 word answer "Im at Zumba" which isnt like her. I also know her zumba is an hour in the morning, where as the game was in the afternoon. I feel that she is avoiding me.
I feel upset about how my friends acted and I am now worried about the wedding. I can't not invite them - sarah is my finances bestmans girlfriend and beth Ive known for 10 years. I want them apart of my day, but if they treat me that way on my own weekend they obviously won't care about getting that drunk at the wedding.
My mum was so angry and keeps saying they are not attending the las vegas bachelorette. I told her thats not an option. I can't not invite them as they have paid a lot of money for this overseas trip to be there for mine and my fiancés wedding and the days leading up to it.
Im trying to be mature and get past this but Im still so disappointed despite the awesome second night.
Long long story - I had to vent. Congrats if you actually read it all!
If anyone has read this and has had a similar experience - how did you deal with it?
