Disinterested Parents

And just to provide a little more info, we dated for two years before getting engaged and they know my FH very well, so I don't understand the disconnect.

Seriously, my parents didn't gaf till like 8weeks out. Approach it again then. It might not seem real to them yet.

Could be they are trying to be low key about it all so as not to stress you out? I'm sure they will gain interest at some point, just like ItsGoodToBeKing said

I'm on the opposite side. My future in laws doesn't seem thrilled about our wedding. The funny thing is they have approved of me and loved me from the get-go! My mom IS ecstatic about my wedding and she was against my fw for the first year or 2 we were together! My mom came over today looking at wedding gowns, and mother of the bride dresses! I'm really shocked how much more excited my mom is than hers!

Hm, do you already live with FH? Maybe they're quite traditional or something??? Dad's I can understand sort of (they're guys!), but I'd think your mom would be excited..?

@ItsGoodToBeKing thanks, you're right. We're still a year out so they have plenty of time to get excited. Sometimes it doesn't feel quite "real" to me either

@LyssaKay that's a good sentiment, but it's not really their style. Both of them are rather high strung, so I assumed they would be the same - if not worse - for their daughter's wedding. But yeah, I'll wait a little longer before calling them out on it

@Angie So you understand how it is! It's funny how the tables turned when you guys got engaged I'm glad your mom is excited!

@LadyMonk we do live together, yes. I get what you're saying. I'm kind of giving my dad a pass for this one because he's not super involved with our family, but yeah I would have thought my mom would be thrilled. Oh well... I'll give it time, as the others suggested.

I'm sorry that your parents seem so stand offish... maybe they're trying to see what their place is supposed to be in the wedding, and not wanting to cause any drama? I agree with itsgoodtobeking that it probably doesn't seem real to them.

My father is so hot and cold when it comes to the wedding. Some days he's like... calm down it doesn't need to be done now, chill out and doesn't care. Other days he tries to take over all the planning and invite all 200 of his drinking buddies at the bar he frequents.

BTW-I'm at work and it took forever to type this, so I just read all your responses to suggestions similar to mine... oops!

FMIL just recently got interested in the wedding....... Is kind of hurt I planned almost everything already. Um you should have cared 10 months ago when we started. My father is kind of laid back and doesn't know what he should feel or do. He is happy for me, and offered to help pay for my dress, but is fighting his own battle with cancer. He is doing great now though. My mom passed away when I was 11 and my Aunt is excited like a mom, wanting to put her input in everything. Makes me crazy some days.

I'm sort of in the same boat. My parents are just not interested in the wedding. They actually told us that they thought we should just get married at the court and save our money. They got married at the court so I can see where they are coming from though. They are more worried about all the money that we are going to spend on the wedding. I have to drag my mom with me to look at wedding stuff. Luckily I have other family members and friends who are interested and helping me. I'm hoping that they become more interested as the wedding date gets closer.

FHs parents have very little interest. Meh. Whatever. As long as they don't get into a throw down fight (bitter divorce), I'll consider that enough!

I was upset at first, but I've realized I just don't care enough. If I care now, I'm in for a lifetime of being disappointed by their lack of enthusiasm towards my and FHs milestones

My FIL's have not mentioned the wedding once or even asked how things were going - UNLESS it is as a means of comparing our wedding to my FSIL's wedding that took place two years ago. The bad thing about it is that I cannot even get addresses for FH's extended family out of them - and yet we are *expected* to invite all these people from his side. It is annoying.

I know it sucks, but I know EXACTLY what you are saying. Like... exactly.

My parents seriously did not give a SHIT until about a month or a month and a half ago. It made me so sad and I felt like they did not care. They live in Texas and I am in Minnesota and I felt like they never wanted to check in and see how things were going, planning was going, etc. FH's parents were more excited, but still not super duper excited.

However, the past 2 months or so it has been like a total switch. My mom cam to visit for a whole week to do wedding stuff. This is NOT like her at all. Dress shopping for her, rehearsal dinner venue hunting, wanting to go see where we are getting married, wanting to do arts and crafts, etc. It was like "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU and what did you do with my mom!?" My dad even got excited to go suit shopping, and FH's parents text or call me every. single. day. to ask what they can do.

So, while it sucks now- and I know this is not the answer you want to hear- just wait... For people who are not you and FH, the wedding wont seem real till it is a month or two away. And then they will be all up in your face wanting to help more than you probably want them to

My parents are the same way. I will mention the wedding and they will listen but they don't ask. My FH's parents ask whenever I talk to them but not my parents. I figure my parents don't ask because they see the tradition of the bride's parents paying and they can't afford to pay. That being said, FH and I asked both sets of parents if there was anyone they wanted us to invite and outside of family there was no one. As my FMIL said she was sure we didn't want people we don't know at our wedding.

@Joanne, my dad said the same exact thing! He suggested that we get married at city hall because it is "cheaper and faster." Um... this isn't a shotgun wedding.

@Future_Mrs_D Thank you so much! After reading all these responses it seems like this is a pretty common issue. I'll wait it out and enjoy the hassle-free planning in the meantime

@Theresa Well that was nice of your FMIL to consider! I guess it just bothered me because I know both of my parents have huge circles of friends, but maybe they have the same mentality and don't want a bunch of people I don't know at my wedding.

As an older gal, I can tell you weddings have become these tiresome, expensive extravaganzas that are a chance to show off for about a year. That could be how your parents view it. their feeling might be like mine, "All right, already. Get it done and shut up about it. Criminy."

@Molly lol I sure hope that's not what they're thinking, but it would make sense if it is. We don't speak often but when we do it is usually wedding-related, so maybe I'll pull back for a bit and let them settle.

Perhaps it just hasn't hit them yet. Maybe try re-engaging them again in certain things as they come up (i.e. would your mom want to go dress shopping with you?).

My parents weren't super excited at first. They also did not have a wedding though (just a ceremony as did everyone else in my family) so they didn't know what to do or say. But they came around and are really excited now. FH's parents could care less really and I don't see that changing, but we expected this. They do like me, but his parents just aren't as close to him as they are to his sister. Just hang in the. Until they get excited about it, I'd say just to keep those who are excited close to you. You can't change other people's feelings unfortunately. Just hang in there!

Both sides look like they dont give a flying fuck. We all get along perfectly well and knowing them I think it's a ploy so they can avoid a money convo.