Disinterested Parents

Do you know what the root of the issue is? Is it perhaps the cost of that kind of wedding? Or it's just not the type of wedding they'd want for you especially if they're paying for it? Or they want you to wait longer?

View Quoted Comment The money isn’t the issue, the cost of a cruise wedding with the amount of people we want would be actually under our budget. So instead of my wedding being one night, it can be three. So it actually makes more sense cost wise. It’s definitely more the ‘not the type of wedding they want especially if they’re paying’

I want to be respectful but this is how I dream of starting my marriage.

Honestly just give them time to come around, if they’re paying for the whole thing then they need to be on the same page as you, maybe they’d want you to have a more traditional wedding 🤷🏽‍♀️.. talk to them and see what would be a compromise or solution??

Hopefully, they just need time. Maybe they wanted the whole church thing. My mom would be soooo excited about a cruise wedding. I think it sounds like a blast. I saw someone’s pics here who did that and everything was beautiful and guests had a blast. I’m trying to talk my future sister-in-law into it but her kids would be never go on a cruise. 😫

View Quoted Comment I’ll try to speak to them this weekend again and see where we can move forward so that we are all happy. Regardless I’m going to have to be engaged for close to two years which is longer than I anticipated. I wish they would understand the booking concept of cruise weddings :/

View Quoted Comment My wedding wasn’t going to be in any religious setting, as I grew up pretty unreligious until the holidays came around then we got into the spirit. The envisioned their daughter getting married in Manhattan or a country club, but this isn’t what I want. And in fact they are pushing me away more and more during this process.

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Ah yes. Then your vision is a lot different than theirs. I think yours sounds like a lot more fun (and better value). But it only matters what YOU want. However, are they paying for a lot of the wedding? They might get a say. I would still rather have the wedding of my dreams with only 10 guests if that's all I could afford rather than using someone else's money for a wedding day that is not me at all. Follow your heart.

If they're footing the bill they should really decide what they're comfortable with. If you really want the cruise wedding I say foot the bill yourself and go for it. Less drama, more efficient, they'll get over it.

View Quoted Comment While I respect and value their opinions, this isn’t their start to a marriage. This is how we decided to start ours, so we may very well secretly elope behind their backs. It’s sad it had to come down to that but it’s what we want. I’m going to try to compromise and see how we can work things out but at this rate I’ll be engaged for two years now

My mother reacts similarly to what you're describing when she's hurt and offended by something. She just shuts down and out of a conversation. You can't control her or her behavior. Nor do I suggest waiting around for her to come to your point of view. She may very well understand, but it's not breaking through her own hurt. Since the cruise wedding and timeline is so vital to you, I suggest trying to find a way for you to pay for it yourself.

You can also try to talk to your mom about having something small so she can celebrate with you. That way she can feel like she's a part of it - while still getting your dream event. Two of my friends who eloped did this - his mother hosted an engagement party.

That being said, I love your idea. It really will make the wedding so special and perfect for the two of you.

Were they expecting to pay 40K and be able to invite close friends and family? If it is not their vision, you should pay for this yourselves.

I can totally understand them feeling cheated that they offer to pay for a wedding and you expect them to pay for a full holiday. Maybe with the breakdown ask them to pay for the wedding day and cover the rest of the cruise yourselves? Even if you think they'll eventually come around to footing the whole bill, it'd show that you're trying to understand and work with their concerns.

View Quoted Comment It’s my marriage, not theirs. Everybody that they are close with is on the list, friends AND family. And it would still be under the budget they set out for me. I never asked for anything, so to have it thrown in my face is uncalled for as you don’t know my life. If they or you can’t see that a whole vacation and wedding can be cheaper than the budget and include every single family and friend in our lives, then I may as well get eloped.

View Quoted Comment I just wish that the two of us can communicate so that we can reach in the middle and come up with some compromise. It’s discouraging to reach out multiple times and I get no response. I’m open to all options but at the same time this is my wedding. So if we elope on one of our cruises we have already planned in December, we can do whatever they are comfortable with, within reason. Happy to know I am not the only one that goes through this with their parents-
specifically a mother

View Quoted Comment I’m definitely valuing their opinion, if I didn’t then I would’ve booked the wedding with very close friends yesterday. If I do end up getting what I’d prefer for my marriage, then I’m engaged for longer than we wanted. I just wished they would answer my calls so we can move forward

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Maybe I do not understand, but would your guests still have to pay money to get on the cruise and/or fly to the city where the cruise leaves from? You may think this is a great vacation, but others may not. They may be limited in vacation days, and even though you may think it is only one vacation day, they may need travel time.

Tell her you will pay and she can host a reception back home.

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Arg. I hope it all works for you!

Such a major decisions as whether to have a conventional six hour or whatever ceremony and reception on land, simply part of of one day or evening for all, or a 3 day plus for all on a ship, is entirely their choice to make, if you expect them to pay $40,000 to host it. You are of course, entitled to have the wedding exactly as you want, on a cruise, provided you come up with the $40,000 yourselves. . . . Pretty simple. People seem to forget, that it is up to the giver, to decide what gift to give. Not up to the person to require they get something different. And this is a huge amount of money. Whether to compromise or not is their choice. Yes, you may end up eloping , marrying on board ship, just the 2 of you. Whether or not to fund a reception when you return is up to them. And up to your family and friends, whether they have 4_5 days to dedicate to your wedding, plus the costs, which are high unless you are planning to pay the entire fare for guests, which I doubt would fit under the $40,000 budget. There is no one other than core family I would every spend more than $1,000 all expenses ( air fare, travel to and from airport or docks, or cruise or hotel and food costs, clothes, gift, together must be under that.) Or give 4 or more days for. Certainly not more than 2 friends in my life. Because it is totally unnecessary. If it is not a place or thing I would ever want for a vacation, no. Your family and friends may think differently. But you are not ENTITLED to it. And you need to work with them and not ask them to pay so much for something they are so totally against. Meanwhile, perhaps a second job, so you can pay for what you want, would mean having what you want. Check it out, and see if you can do a financial plan for a cruise wedding, yourselves. If you can make a plan to earn the money, great, have what you want.

View Quoted Comment I don’t know if you read, but a cruise wedding is a fraction of the cost of what a one day wedding would be. Every single thing covered. I don’t understand why so many comments won’t realize that it costs less than what they wanted for me, and you also get a vacation as well with your closest friends and family. The only thing people need to pay is airfare which from New York to Florida is less than 300 dollars. I asked for advice on how to deal with disinterested parents, not a financial plan.

View Quoted Comment It’s in 2021, nobody’s vacation days will be used yet, and it goes from a Friday and you get off the ship on Monday morning. It’s two days minimum that you have to take off. And people fly to destination weddings all the time or even pay for a hotel room. The cost of a plane ticket from New York to Florida is around 300 or even less if you buy in advance. I said this in another comment, I’m not asking for a financial plan, I’m asking for advice on how to cope with a mother, and sometimes father, that doesn’t speak to their daughter (even before this happened)