Divorce S/O: Anyone have any worries?

My mother has been divorced three times, and I would like to say I chose better than she did, (though to be fair, one marriage fell apart because of her in laws and my father just decided to up and leave so that wasnt her fault).

I also saw her get taken for everything she had. So while I hope and have faith that my marriage wont fall apart, I take precautions to make sure if anything is to happen, I wont be the one screwed over. Not happening.

My parents separated when I was 13. I learned that you can't force someone to stay in a relationship if things aren't working. I learned the value of a dollar with my mom working 2 jobs to support my sister and I. Also, when a relationship is toxic, you have to let it go (mom's ex-bf). Cut to I'm 32 and my parents finally being on the same page in their own lives. They are back together (though not actually living together) and it's been almost a year. That saying about letting something go, if it comes back it was really yours is true. I saw it with my own two eyes.

If I wasn't absolutely certain about DH I wouldn't have married him.

I learned a lot in my first marriage and subsequent divorce, and that's all there is to say about that.

It's in my vows. "I vow never to forget who you are"...because I think that really lies at the heart of the troubles I've seen from divorced parents. They forgot what they already knew about each other. What had been confirmed through daily acts for years. They forgot the kindness, the teachability, the passion, the sweetness and the fun that they had with each other and focused on the failings...and that's what turns a crack into a fault line.

MY mom and dad have been split ever since I was a baby, but they always remaind really good friends and I have never dealt with them talking bad about one another.

My FH parents are the opposite. His dad talks nothing but trash on his mom..He had it really rough growing up.

I see a lot of divorces through people I know and things get NASTY...I always told myself and my FH that if for whatever reason we end up getting divorced I deff don't want a long strung out process. People argue over material things, the way I see it, what was yours before marriage is still yours, what was mine is mine and what we accumulated together is ours to sell/split/whatever and my FH agrees with that.

My parents split when I was little and my son's father and I split when he was barely over a year. While he and I never married, it was still like a divorce in that we have this child to raise, regardless of our situation personally.

FH is going to school for marriage and family councelling and his parents are still together. The great thing about us is that FH and I love to just be silent together. We don't always have to be doing something. We still giggle and laugh all the time. When we fight, and all couples do, we refuse to go to bed until we can work it out.

So, while divorce is always a possibility, I don't think, for us, that it will be a probability. But... we're still having a prenup.

I've been divorced once. My parents have been married for almost 30 yrs,. It was difficult for me to accept that my 10yr marriage was over just simply because he had fallen out of love with me.

It was unfair for our 2 kids and myself, but I depended on nobody, supported myself and my kids with no ones help and thats when i realized i was a lot stronger then i thought.

Now in my second marriage, I hope for the best and love him more then Ive ever loved... but realisticallyI know things can change. U just never know. No matter what, I will do my part on being the best wife I can be.

In June my parents will be married 44 years. I wouldn't by any means say their marriage is perfect but I do know they try hard to make it work.

I went through hell with my first marriage. I would be lying if I said in the back of my mind I wasn't just a little scared of this marriage failing too. I do know that I love FH and he loves me. I know what works and what doesn't. I've learned a lot since my last marriage and I hope I've grown from that. FH has grown from his first marriage also.

I honestly don't have much experience with it at all. No one in my family has gone through it, neither has Jamie's. Even with my friends, only one of their parents got separated and that was when we were adults (and they are still very amicable). It's such a foreign concept to me, that a lot of times I don't know how to react/give advice.

I certainly hope no future brides here actually think they may end up divorcing their FHs; if that's the case, why get married at all? FH and I are in our 30s so we both have done (most of) our growing up by now. I think we are both at the point where we know who we are and what we want. I look forward to a lifetime of happiness with him.

I've heard/read many stories from divorcees saying that they had niggling doubts which they ignored when they got married, but in hindsight they realise that they should have listened to their gut instinct and not ignored those doubts. I don't know how true that is, but I guess if anyone has doubts then they really need to look into those before they get married.

I do wonder however how many people 'settle' for their partner. Over the past 10 years I've had a bit of pressure to settle for people who deep down I knew weren't right for me (mainly from my mum who desperately wants grandkids!) - telling me that I'm too picky, that no ones perfect, that all I need is someone who is good to me and has a good job etc. However I know that if I had settled for any of them then I'm likely to have divorced them.

My parents split when just before my 19th birthday. I always knew the relationship was going to end and at times wished it would but whenever there was a big fight I would immediately regret it and just hope that everything would go back to normal. My father was a very bad alcoholic to the point where last fall he passed away from cirrhosis of the liver. He was verbally abusive to my mother, sister, and I. It tore our family apart when the divorce happened and my brothers are just now starting to rebuild a relationship with my mom and only because dad died.

I know I will not let my family go down this path. We had our first child about a year ago and now that he is here I can't even begin to imagine our family not together. I know I will not allow either of us to drink unless it is socially which is why we don't drink now and I have yet to drink since turning 21. No matter what happens I will fight to keep my family together even if it takes outside help.

I'm getting married because I think it's gonna be forever...

However, I'm not naive enough to know that people grow apart, people make mistakes and get angry or hurt or sad and have to walk away.

So I'm happy divorce is an option but I'm giving it all I've got so it won't be an option for me.

My parents divorced when I was 2. And 7 years ago, my dad got divorced for the second time. Through this I have learned a lot of what TO DO and what NOT TO DO...I also rely heavily on my faith and the trust between my FH and myself to endure regardless.....needless to say we don't take the vows lightly - it's for life that we choose to be actively involved in our marriage.

ETA: Divorce is not an option...

This time around, divorce is not an option. I told FH there's only one way out of this marriage if he chooses that route, lol.

I've been divorced before and I would never do it again. As I said in my last post, divorce is not a solution to a problem, it is choosing a different set of problems. It is almost the hardest thing I've ever been through. I don't recommend it.

I know all the stats and to be honest they stress me out.

I'm a child or divorce and FH is not, but fh's family is far more religious than mine.

I wouldn't be going through all of this trouble if I thought ever that we would get divorce. We joke about it all the time. When we first started dating I was at my sisters house and her husband jokingly said "God! I can't wait until we get divorced!!!"

so it has become a joke for fh and I, whenever something is stressful or hard or were having a small disagreement to proclaim "I WANT A DIVORCE!!!" in a joking term, it always makes the situation a little lighter somehow.

In my head divorce isn't an option, unless he cheats or I cheat (never say never!)

Anything else can be worked through and talked about even if it needs outside help.

I'm fully prepared and ready to spend the next 80 years with this man and I know he is ready to spend that much time with me.

By the way, I didn't get married last time to get a divorce either. I always said divorce wasn't an option. You just never know where life will bring you. I was just as in love at my first wedding as I am this time. I am much more mature this time and it's a different kind of love though. I'm not 22, I am 32. I have lived through so much that I see with a different set of eyes that I did at 22.

My parents just divorced last year. They had been with each other since they were teenagers and never even dated anyone else. But after 24 years of marriage and over 30 years of being together, it fell apart. I won't go into details but let's just say, even as a teen, I was advising my mom to get out of there. The father I once knew didn't exist anymore. And now, he has disrespected me to the point that I refuse to speak to him.

So I've definitely learnt a lot from their mistakes and am comfortable enough to say that Kev is an amazing fit for me. And even if something should turn for the worst, I will not regret giving him so many of my firsts. He is my perfect match and if one day that changes, at least I'll be able to know that he still gave me the best years I could ever ask for.

Jesse's girl - please note that I am not bashing you AT ALL I totally agree that people change and things change and you don't ever plan to get divorced. I also understand entirely that your post has nothing to do with me. But I get flack for getting married at 22 often so I'm going to defend myself a little on WW where I can vent a little rather than ruin friendships in real life.

I want to grow that set of eyes with FH. I want life experiences with him. I want to build a life and a family and a strong lasting marriage with him. I want us to grow into "real people" together, and FH agrees. I don't mind marrying "so young" because I know I've found the person that I want to fight for.

Exactly how i feel @Jesse's Girl. No one marries thinking divorce is an option, at least no one in their right mind. But u just never know. I was a good wife and mother.. nothing ever seemed wrong. We rarely argued. we had great communication. We owned a a home by the time we were 26 and had our kids. I honestly dont know what went wrong and never will.