Divorce S/O: Anyone have any worries?

Lora, I don't think Jessesgirl was saying all 22 year olds are too young to get married. Just that perhaps she was..,

A marriage lasting has got nothing to do with age. I think it's a combination of working hard at it, having fun with it and a whole lotta luck

I didn't either, I just knew my post would come up right after hers and didn't want to offend so I added a disclaimer lol

Yes, disclaimers are good. So hard to read tone in writing sometimes!

My parents have been together for 35 years, my husbands parents have been together for 41 years. Neither of us have direct experience with divorce, I think we are blessed to see what goes into a successful marriage and what makes it last. I never would have married Ben if I had a single doubt that we might get a divorce.

@Champagne, you are right. I was very young at 22... much more immature than I am now. I have never been the party type, so that's not the immature I mean. I mean that I never went through anything much that was difficult. I had a wonderful life ... went to private school, got a scholarship to attend my first choice university, had a GREAT time in college... so I didn't understand the things that I should have been looking for. I saw things before we got married, but foolishly thought that he would never treat me the way he treated others. And that just isn't so. The way a man treats everyone else will be the way he treats you. After four years of praying and hoping and trying, I just couldn't take it anymore. I decided to walk away. There have been times where I would question that decision because it is SO hard. BUT, there are ALWAYS times when he does or says something and I'm like, "yep, that's why we are divorced" lol.

Plus my psychic told me I would never get divorced.

Having been divorced once already I wouldn't be getting married again if this time wasn't different. I don't ever want to go through that again or put my kids through it again and even though FH isn't their father, two of the three are very close to him and I know it would tear them up.

My parents divorced when I was 23, 7 months after my daughter was born, 33 years of marriage. In my entire life, though, I have only ever heard them fight once. It ended up being an extremely bitter divorce on both ends, so this has taught me if you plan on ending a good thing, be amicable about it for the kids at least.

Fh and I decided to live by the humorous, but (I think) very insightful saying that goes something like this (don't have the exact words):

Sometimes my wife and I fight so bad that we consider murder, but never did divorce cross our minds.

Both our parents are divorced and that, for the most part, was because they were both bey irrisponsible and childlike when they got married. Fh and I will be young when we get married, but a lot of the time it also has to do with mental age as well. There's a lot to consider when entering marriage and a lot of things to work out prior in order to have a successful lasting marriage. We've really talked about many aspects that could tear apart a union and resolved the way we will handle lots of things before they even happen (inlaws, kids, moving for jobs,etc)

@Champagne I hope my psychic wasn't right because she told me FH and I wouldn't end up together (that was right after we first started dating 4 years ago) lol. My parents are divorced and FH's parents are still together and very happy. They have been such wonderful parents to FH and have given him real role models as far as family goes. I think he's seen that it takes hard work to make marriages work so I'm hoping that'll keep him from running when times get tough. I actively try NOT to act like my mother when it comes to issues with our relationship because I know she did not always handle things in a healthy way.

I had a psychic tell me that my time for heartache is over and that Jesse is the one for me. And that I will be the mother of 2... yay!

Both DH's and my parents have been married for over 35 years, though they have both separated at one time, though come back together. Beyond that, I don't have anyone close to me who has been divorced or separated. But in seeing other peoples long term marriages and how the work I have learned that you need to respect yourself, respect your partner, and don't fight/argue/put down the other person in front of the children.

Jesse, exactly!

Sometimes we try hard and it just wasn't meant to be, good on you for realizing that and finding your happiness.

It's very hard to leave a long term relationship, let alone a marriage!!!

I mean I've seen some crazy psychics, but I believe the ones who tell me what I want to hear.

Yes...yes, I know...and I don't care!!

Well, he told me some other things I didn't want to hear though... I knew he was real. But that's another whole post, lol.

My family has all stayed married so I don't have any DIRECT experience with it. I have seen a few of my friends' parents get divorced and I didn't see any dramatic differences in the partners that any of my friends of divorced parents chose though. Maybe it depends on how "ugly" the divorce was for them.

I do have a set of relatives who just fell out of love with each other or something like that, but since they had a daughter, they decided not to get divorced and all they did was just have separate bedrooms, but they never dated anyone else and they still went along as a functional family. Sometimes a few years later, they magically fell in love again and so now they have the same bedroom and happiness all over again.

I'm not sure if the statistics are the best way to go as everyone has different circumstances. So, lets say, 60% of marriages end in divorce...how many of those were marriages of people who were REALLY ready? There are too many factors that come into play.

When I was 16 my mom kicked my dad out because he was dealing with an addiction that my mom ignored for almost 20 years. They spent several years in counseling and trying to work it out and he wasn't putting in his share of effort. But moving out opened his eyes, he went to counseling, kicked the habit and moved back in when I was 17. Their relationship only grew stronger. They just celebrated their 32nd anniversary.

It's not the answer for everyone and not every story turns out the way theirs did. But it worked for them and it taught me to work for your relationship.

In the very back of my mind, I'm a little afraid that we will grow apart and won't know how to fix it.

This is big. Its HUGE! I'm committing myself to someone else for life! We've grown so much since being together. More than anything, we've learned how to communicate with each other and love each other in a way that works for us. I know we have fought for our relationship...I know we want to make it work and are willing to work through hard times...I know we both take promises seriously....and I know we really love each other. But I DON'T know the future! I can't predict who we will be and what will happen. All I know is that I'm committed and so is he. I'm not worried....but dang it I am a bit scared!

I learned a lot from my previous marriage and the divorce I went through. I hope that I can apply these things to my future marriage because I have told him that I am NEVER getting divorced again. He has very strict views on divorce, so I hope that we can overcome any hurdles that we might encounter throughout our life. However, when I got married the first time, I never thought that it would end in divorce…. and after 8 years of marriage it did come. We never know what will happen but I have learned to let go, to not hold grudges, to let the man be the man (because oh my.. I am definitely toooo independent for some men, lol) and to never forget why you are marrying the person. The little things are important and I hope that when I am 80 years old I will still write my FH little love notes, and he will still have my coffee waiting for me when I wake up.

My parents and my husbands parents have been married 30+ years. There is no divorce in his family and I have a couple of cousins that have divorced. Our parents don't have perfect relationships and neither do we but we both agree marriage is for life. We went thru a HUGE life changing situation about 6 years ago tahg we are still dealing with. If we can get thru that we can get thru anything. Divorce will never be an option for us.