Divorced after only 2 years :(

Dang. I was the maid of honor for my friend a few summers ago. She lives several states away, I paid for flights and meals and bachelorette party and wedding gifts, and it was a great wedding. He cheated a few months later, they were separated within the year. It's crazy when I hear things like this. They had been together for two years prior. I just don't get it!

See Edwina's comment . . . its true, people grow up long after they become legal adults at 18. Some know what they want right away but most don't. And expecting a man (or woman) to change for the better is not living in reality! Its odd when people ar together for so long and then get married but it does happen.

That said, I'm sorry about your friend, I hope she ends up OK eventually.

Women (I'm not a man so I can only speak for women) change IMMENSELY between the ages of 18 and 25, it's incredible. That's the time where you find your true self and experiment with your likes and dislikes. I wish young girls would realize that, but I'm sure if someone told me that when I was 18 I wouldn't believe them.

The reason this happens is because people don't realize that you have to work at relationships. Very few just come naturally.

Wow your post scared me too! Yeah a friend/former co-worker of mine had a huge big expensive wedding a couples years ago and officially filed their divorce papers like 2 weeks before Xmas! And they had been together a looong time before getting married. 6-7 years I think.

Also, I was at the wedding of my friend's older sister 10 years or so ago. She had a stroke and she is only in her 30s! This was a couple years ago. She has fully recovered but she moved back in with her parents during her recovery and basically never moved back out! Just didn't want to be with her husband anymore! I feel bad for the ex husband. He was totally there for her during the stroke and she just didn't want to be with him anymore. And they seemed fine before that. But of course I don't know all the details. Even my friend, her sister, doesn't understand it. She says the way her sister acts now it's like she's regressed back to a teenager. Don't know if it's cause of the stroke or not.

I think a lot of people get married knowing they have problems and feel that marriage will solve these problems. That is a huge no no. Marriage will not solve anything it will only amplify it.

Sounds like your friend has been distracted from her marriage. If he is not motivated now, he probably wasn't motivated 2 years ago. Matter of fact he probably wasn't at least 3 years before that. She was just willing to overlook it then. I think your friend is abiout to make a big mistake.

I didn't read all the posts but it sounds like maybe she is perhaps not happy overall with him and this may have been her good reason to leave (or at least a reason that sounds good as an excuse).

I know my MIL's cousin was married to a man (but this may be a different story) who she got married to and even though he is an engineer he didn't work for the five years that they were married. He had gotten some money after his previous wife had died and he used some of that for himself but he never paid any bills while he and his new wife were married. He would go an play golf pretty regularly and didn't cook/clean and so she finally got tired of working and paying all the bills and left him. After that he got a job!!

Oh and they are good friends now, go out and shop/eat together from time to time and when she was going through chemo treatment he even bought her a wig and came and took care of her (imagine that)!

I forget where I was reading this but it talked about how you need to have "the talk" where you and your significant other really need to sit down and communicate about what you expect to change after you get married, etc, etc, etc. It was a scary conversation to start but it seems like something that would save a lot of people heartache and money And I think Brian C hit it on the head.