Divorced Parents with Ultimatums

WHY do parents play tug of war with their children?? <shaking head sadly>

You have two options - pay for the wedding yourself and let your parents duke it out, OR ELOPE. I know the second option may be sucky, but man I would "leave the drama behind". You could do a lovely destination elopement and then come home for a nice celebration dinner.

Whatever you choose, I hope it makes you and your FH happy and stress free.

I think there are just way too many potential complications by accepting either parent's proposal.

Plan the wedding that you and your fiance want and then leave it up to your parents to decide if they want to come. If they can't put aside their differences for one day to see you get married, that's on them, not you.

OOF. Yeah, like others have said, this is messy and I wouldn't accept either of their money. Do what is best for you and FH. That might mean picking one to walk you down, or walking alone (what I'm doing) or doing a courthouse ceremony and just hosting a reception.

At the end of the day, they are both clearly a part of your life. If you are important to them, they will be grown ups and just avoid each other at the wedding. If one decides they wont come because the other is there then that is their choice and it is absolutely not your responsibility to accommodate them in any way.

I am so sorry to hear you're going through this. Divorced parents can definitely be a tricky thing to handle. I think you have a few options here, most of which have already been mentioned:

You definitely have the option to pay for your own wedding. Everything will get to be exactly the way you want it with no strings attached and you can have whoever you want there. This can be in the form of an elopement/micro-wedding, or in the form of a larger celebration.

You could also pick a parent at the risk of alienating the other one, which is less than ideal to be sure.

The hardest option might be giving your own ultimatum right back. Telling them that this day is about you, their child, that they once loved each other enough to create together and if they can't get over themselves for one day to love and celebrate you, then you don't need their toxic energy there. Often that kind of threat can be enough to make them see things a little more clearly? Obviously I'm not familiar with your exact scenario, but I know that worked for a friend of mine in the past.

Whatever you choose, I wish you the best of luck and wish you and your FH a happy marriage 💛