diy Dinner Opinions

View Quoted Comment Contract is already signed, paid & locked. It was the only venue we liked that was affordable & central to mostly everyone. Anything else in our price range was a hour or 2 out of the way & most didn't have proper kitchens or licenses.

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It's kind of odd that the venue with a full kitchen serves such a limited variety of food.

At that point it might be easier to order in a bunch of pizza, salad and wings. I'd have a lot of wet wipes around though. Do they have heat lamps to keep pizza and wings warm?

View Quoted Comment It's a clubhouse with a pub they run Attached to it. They've got a few different halls of various sizes available for rent, but the hall we booked shares the large kitchen with the pub. I think the limited selections are due to staffing for them & they provide what's easiest for them to make/serve is large batches. They've got 2 different soups, 2 different basic salads, perogies, various platters of Antipasto, cheese/deli meat/breads, fruit, vegetables, deconstructed pulled pork sandwiches, shrimp, deviled eggs & 6 different types of potato sides.

View Quoted Comment OK, so from what you are describing, it sounds as though the venue is a very casual place. Is that fair to say? If so, then your guests will probably understand that this a casual affair. I think it’s confusing starting at 8:00 PM though. Late evening weddings are typically quite formal and lavish. So I would be very explicit with them that this is a casual wedding. Make sure you indicate a casual dress code, so expectations are managed. The items you listed available at the venue in terms of catering can provide a casual meal. Are you planning on having a cocktail hour before dinner? If so, the fruits, veggies and antipasta would work fine for that. Then for the meal it sounds like there is the option of a soup or salad first course. Then sandwiches and potato salad for the “main” (you could also offer the deviled eggs and pierogies for those who don’t like potato salad). Then your dessert table.

View Quoted Comment Yes, it's a fairly casual event. On the invites we're were going to say to dress in cocktail attire, and specify finger foods somehow.


It's starting late because 1) we are both creatures of the night lol 2) it's a Friday and 3) it gives us plenty of time for set up & photos etc beforehand. There will only be about 20-30 minutes between the ceremony until our 1st dance, which kicks off the reception, but we're having the small plates brought out to the tables then. So there will be no "appetizers" because there is no time. Just the small plates/salad and I guess the soup (or maybe stew) once we have completed our 1st dance
My fiancée's family are mostly bar enthusiasts, as well as the 2 of us met while working in a karaoke bar together, so we were going for more that type of atmosphere. That's why we wanted finger foods and have interest in a sit down multicourse meal. There won't be a "cocktail hour" or "dinner time" portion of the night. Right after our dance will kick into DJ music and karaoke, with a few breaks for some hocky wedding games. We figure the bit of time in-between for us to change will most likely be used by our guests to go outside to smoke, get a drink at the bar or chat with people.
I don't know why everyone on here just assumed some stuffy black tie event was being planned considering my description in my original post. We're not having a wedding cake, bouquet/garter toss, no dances for the wedding party or the parents, just us with about 60 of our family members having fun to celebrate our marriage.

**NO interest in a sit down multicourse meal

View Quoted Comment I don’t think anyone assumed this would be a “stuffy black tie event” (and not for nothing, but some of the most fun, "party vibe" weddings I've been to have been black tie), but the fact it is being held late in the evening usually does indicate it will be a formal event, which was likely very confusing. Which is why I mentioned being very straightforward with your guests about the type of event you will be having, because most people being invited to an 8:00 PM ceremony are going to expect something formal and they are going to expect to be fed a full meal. As I guest, if I were invited to an 8:00 PM ceremony and told to wear cocktail attire, that is certainly what I would be expecting. I would be pretty confused (and if I’m being honest, pretty annoyed) if I showed up to find a laid-back karaoke vibe with a few finger foods and desserts. I would probably stay long enough to see the ceremony and the first dance, then leave to get some actual food.
You asked peoples’ opinions, and across the board everyone has basically said the same thing. It doesn’t sound like you’re really open to receiving it though. So at this point, I would just suggest being very explicit with your guests about what type of event they are attending (ie, extremely casual with no meal being served), so they can plan accordingly.

View Quoted Comment As stated in my original post, we are having open bar, and although we want finger foods, we will be providing enough to make sure everyone is full. A "cocktail reception" does not have a traditional sit down dinner or a "cocktail hour" a cocktail reception will also often run about 3 hours, to which our actual reception is running for. I was asking for help with finger foods for a cocktail reception, not to be told that my reception is expected to be lavish and requires a sit down 3 course meal.

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I would be incredibly upset with this type of reception, especially if you expected me to get dressed up on a Friday evening, after a day at work, then fed me a sub sandwich.

Your menu is fine for a Saturday lunch reception, a more casual event. Not a Friday evening.

So in NY, cocktail-style wedding receptions are very popular and we discuss this on WW, hence maybe difference in expectations. A "cocktail reception" looks like cocktail or formal attire, evening, heavy- Heavy hors d'oeuvres, chef stations, servers with hors d'oeuvres and champagne, open bar all night, music, dancing optional. Think super indulgence because there's no sit-down dinner, but lots of mingling. So while the food is technically miniature, the costs are more than a sit-down meal because of the labor to produce minis on a mass scale. That is why your caterer quoted you high costs per item.

I think you want all your guests to enjoy and have reasonable expectations and to eat dinner beforehand. I suggest adding to invites "casual attire" and if you care, "men, no jeans or shorts please". Also include "light refreshments and karaoke to follow". Good luck.

View Quoted Comment Yeah, when I was reading my statement over later about "cocktail attire" I was questioning if that or business casual was the correct term of phrase I was looking for.


We were planning on providing a generous amount of food, and weren't happy with just finger sandwiches and chips which was why i bit the bullet and actually made my 1st post on here. But yes, we were planning on making it clear that it was not a full dinner. We are planning on having a larger dessert buffet then savory foods, as most of our guests by then would have definitely eaten. I also don't know why someone used a 9-5 example as to when people will be getting off from work. I literally don't know anyone with that schedule because it barely exists anymore.
Our venue is very central to a good majority of our guest list, with a handful having to drive a hour from the next city over, but most of those people are also retired and drive. My fiancée's cousin had a huge 12 long wedding on Wednesday and her family just booked the day off with no concerns, so it's safe to say that 2/3 of our guest list (her family) will most likely just book the day or half day off. We were more concerned about the location because a good portion of our guests are relying on public transit.
We had every intention on being very clear that it was not a sit down dinner. The main reason why were quoted so much by outside caterers was because of their 100 person minimum, when were only having 50-60 guests. Paying about $7000+ for just finger foods, not including dessert or anything else is completely out of our budget, considering that's $1000 over budget for our open bar, non-alcoholics, desserts and finger foods.
Although I am liking the idea of serving a soup or stew after our 1st dance, since our wedding will be taking place in the early fall. The list we got from our venue doesn't have much detail to it, so we'll have to speak with them about it, along with them accommodating the small plates instead of the tacky large platters. I'm sure there will be a upcharge for them doing do....I just hope they're willing to do it, or we'll still be stuck replating everything ourselves.

So your venue does allow outside catering? Do they limit you to specific vendors? If not it seems hard to believe there are no caterers or restaurants in any surrounding area that are unwilling to provide food for 50-60 people with no minimum.


In your place I’d consider limiting alcohol to wine served to tables or a signature drink, doing away with the open bar and rethinking a “cocktail party” with your timing. Then I’d put that part of your budget toward serving a dinner. It doesn’t have to be expensive.
Unless there are venue requirements or you’re having a formal affair, traditional etiquette does not approve imposing a dress code. The idea is that your guests are adults who know how to dress themselves and their children.

I'd put semiformal or dressy casual instead of business casual which reminds me of work. As many guests resort to cocktail attire for weddings, I wouldn't mind if you specified it was one-step down from suits.

Thomas, if your venue allows outside catering, I think you're just going to have to abandon the concept of finger foods and small plates. Reason being I doubt your guests will eat dinner beforehand. Friday workdays are drudgery; Friday afternoon traffic, the worst. If I ate before going out, I'd fall asleep for the night because I'm already moving slow. If your guests are dressing up, taking public transit, paying for taxi/ Uber, or driving an hour (the retired), they will wait to really eat at your event. Opt for a more relaxed buffet and rent chafing dishes with sternos for warm foods. Many couples serve Italian pastas, meatballs, risotto, tacos, carne asada, fried chicken, pizza, pasta salads. Family style catering will eliminate cutting up unfinished sandwiches and plating small plates. It's still fun while serving a heartier meal. You can still serve cold soup in shot glasses as an Appetizer which are always a hit.

If your ceremony is at 8 p.m., I would just do a dessert bar and some drinks. Your guests can eat their dinner before the ceremony.

View Quoted Comment See that's what we were thinking, but we wanted to provide some finger foods for people who weren't too keen on sweets or who didn't have a chance to eat or eat a lot before coming out. The part of my family that would be driving out usually eat dinner at 5pm and are retired so they have no job to worry about.


To be honest, most (if not all) of the local guests that work would most likely just book the entire day off either way (talking from experience with many past events/social gatherings in the past), and the other portion don't work and live very close. We haven't figured out the exact way we were going to make stuff clear (either on invitations or website). In fact, many of my fiancée's families weddings, family reunions, etc are all potlucks, but we really didn't want to go THAT route.
The open bar is just carrying the basics, but it's costing us the same if we're providing that or just beer and wine, and most of our guests (including us) don't drink either, so why bother if it's not saving us anything. Really the bar is not costing us much ($30 per person + our table wine). Even without the open bar or large dessert buffet, with what caterers are quoting us we can't manage it. We even entertained looking into plated meals and caterer in our area had a minimum of 100 people....I think 1 said 80, but started at $200 a head.
We also aren't interested in any of the traditional stuff, which to my fiancée's family isn't even traditional. Even in our area, plated meals at weddings are not the norm, and only extremely high end events have them; which is probably why we were getting such high quotes for plated meals. I also have a cousin who is deathly allergic to peanuts and no caterer could guarantee no cross contamination, or insisted on up charging to do so. We have no Costco or Sam's club anywhere in reasonable driving distance from us....we just wanted some ideas of finger foods to go along with our desserts to supply something savory and instead are being told that it's rude and that we are expected to supply a full meal despite it starting late in the evening and running about 4 hours from start to finish (5 if things take longer than planned).