Do bridesmaids really care about the bachelorette party?

The bride should not be planning her own party. Not everyone is into bachelorette parties, just like many openly question the point of showers. They are all optional. If someone chooses not to attend, that is their choice. You really only need one party. Not everyone wants to do the destination trips due to any number of reasons: finances, not comfortable in close quarters for a few days with strangers. But they would jump at the option of attending something local.


Can you plan the destination trip for another time, not related to the wedding? Just a girls’ vacation trip after your honeymoon without any pressure to attend and everyone pays their own way.

1. I disagree with Michelle, there is absolutely nothing wrong with planning your own bachelorette. I can appreciate that with bridal showers because it involves gift it could come across as particularly ‘gift grabby’ if the bride plans it but I don’t think this should apply to bachelorette parties. I am planning mine and no one has batted an eyelid about it.

2. Are your bridesmaids unable to attend because it’s a destination bachelorette? For me, if I financially could not attend a bachelorette party (local or destination) I definitely would not be going regardless of if I were in the bridal party or not (of course after politely telling the bride this). I’m not sure what your bridesmaids told you but destination bachelorettes just like any ‘destination’ event can be very expensive so I question if it is that your bridesmaids ‘don’t care’ or if they just can’t justify the expense of it.

I never went to the ones i was invited to and i told my friends/family i didnt want one either. I wanted to just celebrate being married : hence the wedding/reception

View Quoted Comment I agree! I was just helping plan since it was a destination and I wanted to be in the loop of it all. Decoration wise and stuff my MoH was going to plan, plus she’s not familiar with planning a party let alone one out of state so I was helping with ideas and stuff. The two bridesmaids that can’t go was more so they had some previous plans and work would not allow them to go away for a weekend.

View Quoted Comment Same! I’ve never been big in to attending bachelorette parties so I’m not very familiar with them.

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Given what you have just said, I do not think it is that they don’t care but rather just simply can’t make it. I wouldn’t host a second bachelorette locally though – the reality of the matter is that you will never be able to fully accommodate everyone and if you had a local bachelorette as well (in addition to the destination bachelorette), your bridal party may reach a breaking point re the cost of attending all these events.

Don't do a second party. That's burdensome on your bridal party. If you want to spend time with them, you can do so without the label and obligation of a prewedding event.

I imagine it depends on the bridesmaids.
It sounds like you have a couple who don’t want to go. It also sounds like you are looking forward to a fun party celebrating your upcoming engagement - TOTALLY normal of you!

I’m very introverted and my friends know that I rarely go to parties, so they aren’t insulted when aI decline. But I do compromise and if I know it’s important to a friend that I go, I’ll go and make time the next day to to recharge my batteries.
Have a talk with them. Let them know you are excited about it and brainstorm something that everyone will enjoy.

I would be really hesitant to equate "CAN'T" to "don't care".

There's a difference, and reacting as if they don't care can cause a lot of hurt feelings and miscommunication.

My BP wanted to take me away for a weekend trip and the one planning it kept thinking I was angry/didn't want to leave DH. Even though my MOH kept saying, "no, she can't take off work." It took a very specific conversation for my bridesman to understand that I loved the IDEA... but I really, truly, couldn't take that much time off work. (I'm in the restaurant and arts industries.) Once everyone understood that it was a logistics issue... well, that's not personal.

View Quoted Comment That’s what I was wondering, I don’t want to do a second bachelorette party because we already have enough stuff going on and it’d be burdensome for me as well but I was wondering if it would be something to make them happy to attend. If not then I wouldn’t bother having my MoH plan.

View Quoted Comment I’m totally introverted too that’s why I’m okay with not doing a second party I just wanted to make everyone happy. That’s why I was wondering if I needed to do it to make them happy lol I’m fine either way.

View Quoted Comment I understand in your situation and I was totally fine with my bridesmaids who can’t go because of work and other personal things. What I was trying to say is will they appreciate us having a second bachelorette party locally so we can all celebrate when they are available? Or is it not that big of a deal and should we just throw the one party out of state. I’ve had to decline bachelorette parties because of work and things as well I get it and I could really be less upset or annoyed they can’t go I’m just wondering if we should plan something locally for those who are unable to attend.

Of all of my bridesmaids (11 total), only 6 COULD go. Whether it was a work/school conflict or that they simply couldn't work it out financially. We've also had a couple of bridal party dinners/brunches so them not being able to make the weekend trip wasn't a big deal at all. And we honestly had a blast with a smaller group!

To your actual question, you could always ask them if they'd like to do a local spa day/girls day at another time! If it were me and I wasn't able to attend someone's bachelorette weekend for whatever reason, I would love it if a girls day was planned that I could attend!

I wouldn't stress about the second party.

When my best friend got married years ago, her MOH wanted to have a girls' trip to Disney. I was on very limited income, and after spending almost a thousand dollars just to be in the wedding (between the dress, shoes, professional hair/makeup she wanted, and wedding gifts) I simply couldn't swing not only paying for my own way, but paying my share of the bride's way. I politely told the MOH I couldn't afford it, but would be willing to still pay my share of the bride's way (so that she could still have her bachelorette party despite my inability to attend.)

There was talk of a second party, something simple like movie night at her house, but it never happened. I was completely fine with that.

I understand what you are actually meaning when you say "do they care?" You are asking if their feelings will be hurt/if they will feel left out if you don't have another party. To this I say, probably not. Most women understand there is only one bachelorette, and if they can't make it to it, there won't be another thrown just for them.

View Quoted Comment Great idea!! Thank you ☺️

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much for understanding and that’s very good to know and makes me feel better about the idea of second party. Also that was very sweet of you to offer to still pay the brides way! ☺️

View Quoted Comment Yeah, I don’t want a “party” because most if my close friends don’t really know each other and I’d rather have a dinner party if I am going to be managing people LOL
My oldest is really wanting to have one for me so we compromised and me, her sister, her and two of my friends who are also close to my girls will go to this place where you take sledgehammers and break stuff. It is totally bizarre but I think will be fun. Unless someone loses an eye.

View Quoted Comment That's entirely a "know your crowd" situation.

One I recently hosted for my friend I felt like since I was the maid of honor they wanted it to be all on me and not help with plans at all but when I made the plans they wanted to change it up a lil. I get I'm MOH and it's part of my "job" but none even offered to help in any way. For my own I'm planning it with all my girls equally. They all seem to want to help plan.

I really wouldn't worry about throwing a second bachelorette party for those unable to make the one that's currently being planned. For my bachelorette party only 2.5 out of 5 were able to make it. (I say 2.5 because 2 were there for the whole time and 1 was only able to join for dinner, so she was only there for less than half the time.) The other two ladies who couldn't make it at all were unable to because of work or travel. They both would have loved to be there if they could have, but they also understood the situation and that sometimes things just don't work out. Assuming those you chose to be in your bridal party are actually good friends, they will likely understand the situation and be okay with not going and not having another thing planned specifically so they can join.

For you, since there's already so much you have to think about and plan for the wedding, I'd say to just prioritize your mental health and not add another thing to your plate if you don't have to. Yeah, I was bummed that they weren't all able to make it to the bachelorette party, but it was more important that they were standing there with me on the wedding day.