Do Friendships change?

Uhh, I wouldn’t say a shift in my friend group, specifically. I would say where I am in life, no one can relate to being engaged. I have friends who are in relationships and I have friends who are not in relationships. Most of my friends are excited that I’m engaged, and low-key want me to pick them as bridesmaids, but I feel distant because I’m the only person who has found their other half. Most people my age, (22), don’t even think about that yet, but I’ve been with my fiancé for over 4 years and we both felt we were ready. I can relate to you by saying I get your distant feelings, i can see why some of your friends might not get the hype of being married. Maybe they want to just let you rant or vent and not saying anything to be “all ears”. Idk about what all drama went down, besides from your description, but maybe some of your friends felt that way. Personally, I would just talk to them about it. Maybe it’s all a misunderstanding.

Yes, friendships change. They should respect you that your time will now be spent with your spouse, and you should respect them in that they have no interest in marriage, yours or their own. If you want to keep these friendships, make a concentrated effort to let your friends do the talking. You were self-involved with your wedding and now it's over.

Yes, your friendships change, and you’ve probably changed, too. As someone who is getting married in my mid-30s, I was on the opposite side of this. I noticed some of my friends getting distant as they found their significant others, and I found it difficult to hang out with some of them without them bringing their SO along to everything. And of course they had nowhere near as much free time. It was a transition for all of us, but it’s totally natural for relationships to evolve once you have such an important person in your life. Even something as simple as going to the movies. Before I met FH, I would text several friends to see who wanted to go. Now, unless I know it’s something he’s not interested in, it’s just so easy to turn to my guy sitting on the couch next to me and say wanna go see this? I’ve made a concerted effort to continue getting my girl time in too, but it’s just not the same as before. Maybe your friends feel some of this. Also, as someone who was single for a long period in my 20s, it is hard to relate to someone complaining about their MIL. It’s not that I didn’t care, I just didn’t have suggestions. And honestly, there were days that I thought I wish I had MIL drama because it would mean I’d found my man lol. So yeah, if you’re not in the same stage, it can be hard to connect as naturally and you have to work harder to find more common ground. I would try making new friends too (while still maintaining your old friendships) so that you have a place to vent about married problems to people who can relate.

View Quoted Comment The thing is, they were radio silence and I had consciously avoided talking about the wedding to try and enjoy just being together. I always checked in on them during the wedding and even sent them food when they got busy. My wedding planning isn't over as the reception is in May. Yet I'm constantly trying to hang with them, trying to throw a party at mine but they seem so disinterested to hang. I honestly think they don't want to come over mine cause I live with my husband, so feels the only reason why they suddenly distant because I'm married and they don't feel comfortable with my husband even tho I don't take him with me if I do see them.

To acknowledge your first statements, and in agreement with other posters: Yes, relationships and friendships do change. It is a reality that can be sad since most people will move in completely separate directions by the time they are 25 in terms of location, life circumstance, education, career, marriage, and/or children.

Transitioning of Roles and Priorities

First and foremost, you are now transitioning to be someone's wife: Your husband, the family you create (if you choose to), and the family that both of you will be marrying into will be your main priorities. As you put it, it is a MASSIVE shift.

-A marriage cannot function without the understanding that your husband should be the most important person in your life, and he should reciprocate that prioritization.

Side Note: If you and your husband eventually want a family, look around to see how many true friends your own parents have, and how you anticipate changing as a parent. If you have friends or family who have recently become parents, ask them how their lives have changed, and what those shifts have felt like.

-After that, work generally takes priority because of the home you create, and supporting each other in life financially. Here is where you may make more of your friendships as a married adult- but navigate this with caution. At the end of the day, coworkers are generally seeking the same things you are: Career advancement, financial stability, recognition, etc.

Side Note: It is extremely important that you and your husband are on the same page regarding money. More often than not, contention regarding finances is a cause for divorce.

-Friends are very low on the list. If you are lucky, you will have a couple of very close friends who are like family, and they will be supportive of you and your husband. These friends will likely be married themselves, or in a committed relationship. If they are not, most will be working towards being married, or are prioritizing their career advancement.

Side Note: You will be lucky if you get to see your friends 1-2 times a month unless you live very close by. Outings cost money, and money will usually be spent on your needs, your husband, and your family.

Friends Not Knowing What to Say

Sometimes, well-meaning friends don't know their boundaries, and don't know how to approach that conversation.

For examples:
-Your friends may not want to show up unexpectedly out of respect to you and your husband, especially if they don't know much about your husband.

-They might not invite you to parties where most people are single, or to bars because most people there might be open to flirting, sex, raunchy conversations, etc. It's generally not appropriate to invite married friends in these circumstances because it is seen as opening the door to trouble.

-They don't know how to support you in general, or they are having mixed feelings about their own lives. Maybe they feel insecure about themselves or envious that you found someone before they did. Insecurity that is internalized (and not used to lash out) is forgivable, and so are some internalized feelings of envy. Acting harshly or in a deceitful manner is not excusable, and in some circumstances, not forgivable.

It might be worth meeting with some of them one-on one to spend time and do something fun like a spa day to get to talk to them on a more personal level.

Do Some Soul-Searching

-Would your friends have cause to think that you are gloating or have become a bridezilla? Or maybe that since the wedding is all you talk about that you haven't respected some boundaries or realized that you were interfering with study time?

-Are your friends sparing you some details of hardships in their lives because they don't want to stress you out or be angry?

-Do you have a "bad apple" friend that is poisoning the others?

Only you know the answers to these questions.


Some Perspective

I have been with my fiance for many years (we are in our 30s) and have no children together and have not been previously married. We've worked security type jobs and are awake when most of our friends are not, and have a couple of weekdays off, and not weekends. Most of our friends are married and have children, and have regular 9-5 jobs. Additionally, my fiance and I are moving to a different state before our wedding.

One of the hardest times happened after I had finished looking at wedding venues and found out that one of my friends (and oldest friendships) had been murdered. Before his death, I had wanted to ask his wife, who is also a close friend of mine to be a bridesmaid. Given the circumstance, I felt it was inappropriate to ask. I instead helped her with death notifications, and other needs she had. Her husband will have a place on the memorial table.

It was very challenging planning a wedding while trying to help her as she was grieving. About six months after her loss, I just expressed how terrible I felt because I just didn't know what to do or say, especially since on one hand I felt happy, but on the other hand, my heart ached for her and the loss. She was very gracious about the matter, and explained that sometimes it just helped knowing that someone was happy and that they had something to look forward to.

Most life transitions are either gradual or sudden and not always on our terms.

These transitions will always bring the unexpected and there are situations where you will choose what feelings and traditions should be honored.

Honestly. I had a rather negative experience with my wedding and my bridesmaids (most of whom were some of my best and closest friends) 😞


A wedding or really any huge transitional life changing event, seriously has a way of opening eyes as to who is really in support of you and/or your relationship.
I’m not saying this is the exact same situation as what I went thru.
I just had girls that I thought were in my corner, completely change during and after my wedding day. & some of those bridesmaids—haven’t talked to me since and vice versa.
Of course there were red flags well prior to all this. They gave flags and vibes that they weren’t really that great of friends / they still had a lot of maturing to do. But I’m the type of person that gives and gives and always does her best to see the good in everyone. So I didn’t want to even acknowledge it at that point. On top of being immensely busy in general due to my job at the time as well as planning a wedding all on our own.
But of courise everything came to light during wedding planning and not long after my wedding.
Just got to the point I am now which is Being more than fine with having no friends versus having fake/toxic people in my life.
Again just all completely my experience. And a bit of venting lol.
But yes to answer your question shifts in friendships do tend to change. Whether significantly or even just minor changes when any time someone in the group goes through a major life change.
I wouldn’t say to just stop trying with your friends. At the same time though I’d also say that you shouldn’t be the only one that’s ever trying. Like the only one to make plans to hangout all the time etc etc. like I did for long periods of time.
It is a two way street and they have to do their part to maintain the friendship also.
So do your part to maintain these friendships but I also agree with someone else to try and find new friends also that possibly some may be married as well so that y’all can have some more common ground.
Perhaps that will help. 🌸🖤
& I apologize if I messaged too much 😆 I tend to talk a lot.
But just always want to make sure I’m coming off clearly and hoping that while a wedding can change how you view others or even how they possibly could view you too : if they’re your actual true friend, they’ll be there for you no matter what. As you should be there for them if you’re their true friend.
Change has a way of growing an individual. Greatly or remotely or even lengths in between. So while it can be fine to lose some friends, if someone is meant to be in your life and they want to stay in your life. They will be and they will show effort in order to stay there.
Just what I’ve experienced in what all I went thru years back. Hope it helps.
& Best of luck with everything 🖤