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Vanessa
Just Said Yes September 2024

Do i have to invite his adopted daughter

Vanessa, on January 24, 2024 at 8:33 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 4
New here. We are in the Early stages of planning a very small ceremony. 20 included vendors is our max at my dream location. We have had issues with his adopted adult daughter ( his ex's kid not his blood child) . She caused lots of issues in our past we even broke up a few months because of her. Trying to get along with her is impossible. We now are stronger then ever. He realized the daughter is a huge problem because he had drama with her (that used to be blamed on me) when we broke up. We don't include her in any events or holidays now because of the drama. But we want his blood son to (attend actually be in) our ceremony. He doesn't want her there either because of her negativity, but wants to avoid aftermath drama too. We definitely aren't telling anyone anything until closer to our date but Our plan is not to tell her until the day before and say it was last minute elopement thing we lives states away.....ideas??

4 Comments

Latest activity by Amber, on January 28, 2024 at 5:09 PM
  • R
    Rockstar June 2018
    Rae ·
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    If he wants his daughter there, she should be invited. If he doesn't she shouldn't. You are sharing a lot of backstory but what does he actually want? It should be a black and white answer.

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  • Cece
    Rockstar October 2023
    Cece ·
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    It sounds like he wants his cake and to eat it too. He doesn't want to invite the adopted daughter, but also doesn't want the fall out from the decision. Unfortunately, that may not be possible. If she's going to get upset and/or cause drama about it, then that's what she is going to do. I don't think lying to her (falsely claiming it was a last minute elopement) is going to cut down on a reaction/drama though. She will undoubtedly find out when her brother is not only invited to, but also a part of, the wedding. If your fiancé doesn't want her there, he needs to stand firm in that decision and handle any backlash that may happen because of it. It's ok to not want to invite toxic people to your wedding!

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  • Vanessa
    Just Said Yes September 2024
    Vanessa ·
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    Thanks. We have been going back and forth on it. No matter how we do things, she's gonna be drama regardless. Not inviting her is what he thinks is best at the Moment, fortunately it's still a year away. Positive results could happen. Thanks for you input
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  • A
    Dedicated April 2024
    Amber ·
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    If she doesn't live with you, I'd ask the people you're inviting to your intimate wedding to respectfully please keep your wedding to themselves. Let them know you're very excited & nervous about the wedding & planning & have decided to only invite your very nearest & dearest & that you'd like to make an official announcement after the event.
    This way it conveys the importance of the guests keeping the information to themselves & makes them feel really special that they get to come to a very special & exclusive event.
    After the festivities have concluded, you could always take his daughter out to dinner to share the news. I'd say invite her over but if she has proven problematic in the past, a public place may be best to keep everyone feeling neutral. Let her know you're very excited to share the news & because you're both private people, you had a very small wedding & just wanted to share the news. I'd follow with directing the conversation onto her & ask how she's been, how's work, what has she been up to, etc.

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