Do i have to invite my soon to be brother in laws girlfriend?

I know etiquette says all bridal parties significant others but.... if my FH siblings sig. other ever punched me that would be a definite no. Regardless of a drinking problem I would absolutely not allow her at our wedding. I wouldn't need to be looking over my back every two seconds to make sure I wasn't about to get attacked again. I say just have him talk to his brother and tell him that it would be inappropriate if she attended. What do your FH parents say about this?

View Quoted Comment My FH was the first to say she wasn’t invited anymore. When I told his mom, she wasn’t really happy and even said “you can’t do this to his brother.” And which I replied that me and FH are very firm she can’t come. I know it’ll cause a very big problem because not everyone in his family knows what exactly happened so when I inform everyone that she won’t be invited to any pre wedding events or even the wedding it’ll come out eventually.. just not sure how it’ll all go or how to even really approach the topic other than having my FH talk to his brother and parents about it.

Its a a shame it has to come down to this but I just feel very strongly that she shouldn’t be invited.

I would not. You just have to have a real honest conversation with your future brother in law. He already has to know how inappropriate she is?! Your wedding is a very special day and I would not even want to risk that clown being there. You'd likely be worrying about her actions all night. Not fair to you. I would definitely take some time to inform the family about her past actions so they are aware of why she has been uninvited.

Are you prepared for the BM to not attend if you don't invite her?

View Quoted Comment Yes, we have already talked about him deciding not to come. If he doesn’t, so be it.

Holy crap. Yeah I would have your FH have a conversation with his brother, explaining why she’s not invited (ik it’s obvious but if he’s he best man, a polite conversation might need to happen, just to avoid hurting feelings). This girl sounds awful I don’t blame you for not inviting her. It’s your wedding day, it’s not about anyone but you two ❤️

Yeah, I would definitely not be inviting her. I don't think it's worth taking that risk when she can be way too problematic on your Big Day.

I think this is one of the few situations where you need to not invite her! Also make sure not to give FBIL a +1.

Well in similar fashion FH is not asking his own brother to be in the bridal party (still invited to the wedding) because his younger brother dislikes him over legit politics it's the dumbest most immature thing so FH said fine screw you then, you don't like me you aren't gonna be in my wedding. His mother of course didn't like this, just like your FMIL is saying it's rude to not invite the gf. Hell no!! I wouldn't invite anyone who punched me in the face! Seems like you have it figured out. If his brother refuses then, good riddance.

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Repeat offenders don't deserve another chance at your wedding without at least cleaning up first. It doesn't sound like she's made any effort at all to sober up and adult when she had opportunities to show by example. That would tell me that she doesn't care enough to be there and if you've only corresponded via letter, there is a lot of work that needs to be done - ONLY if you want to. Safety first. She's caused scenes and punched you. There is no place for that on YOUR day, even if it hurts FBIL's feelings..

You are not required to invite anyone to your wedding and although I would usually say, you should probably assume she will come, this is a completely different situation in which you have every right to not want her there. I agree with another poster that maybe just put his name on the invitation/envelope and state that there is only 1 seat reserved for him.

I wouldn’t invite her!! She’s not blood related on either side and if you’re worrying about her behavior, it’s going to stress you out. I’m sure they both would understand why she’s not invited...but they’re most likely going to be dramatic when you tell them. So just be prepared for that, and don’t take anything they say personally. How long ago was this incident? Have you seen each other much since? If every time she drinks, she gets wild, then it really is best to keep her away on your special day. If that was a rare occurrence a while ago, and she’s never behaved like that again....then maybe she was going through something or has a mental illness that can be brought out with alcohol or other substances.

If you decide not to invite her, stick to your guns!! Even if it means his brother won’t be there as a result. Hopefully your fiancé and his brother can have a talk and it will all work out!

View Quoted Comment This. Physical harm at any time of any kind would get an automatic uninvite from me. Bro-in-law only on this one.

I would have to agree with everyone on here that said dont invite her. Since you know there are a lot of issues a drinking problem and an open bar I would say no. If you do choose to invite her to be respectful then if there are any issues at all she would need to leave. Personally I wouldn't feel comfortable inviting her because of the part experience and I dont feel like am explanation should be necessary.

I would still invite her otherwise it could cause some unneeded tension between him and your future husband. Don't have an open bar, and if you do make sure your tenders know who she is and that she CAN NOT have more than x-amount of drinks, Legally bar tenders arent supposed to give anyone enough to get drunk but since its a private wedding, there's no real reason to stop anyone.

View Quoted Comment Don't have an open bar? So the couple should change the nature of their reception, and in a social grouping that may well stick to traditional manners, that hosts pay for whatever food and drink they serve, and guests never open their wallets ... you want them to offend most all of their guests with bad manners, rather than simply not invite one person, who has assaulted the host before when drinking? That is like not reporting Mom or Dad for punching their teenage daughter in the face, because the kids grandparents would consider it embarrassing. So you condone abuse. The bride was assaulted. The FBIL girlfriend does not get a free pass, as though she made a faux pas like burping loudly. Why should bride accept that? Would you invite your best girlfriend to bring her husband to your house at Thanksgiving dinner if he punched out your husband at a previous party? No one has a right to get drunk and hurt someone else, and when they do, they forfeit the usual social invitations.

I want to thank everyone for their advice. Not sure when the right time will be for my FH to tell his brother his girlfriend isn’t invited but, it is definitely something I am putting my foot down on and not budging for anyone. Thank you everyone!

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Why am I the only "for inviting her" person you have decided to attack? It isnt bad form if she apologized for what she did. I would rather accept her apology and keep the best man than to potentially lose him and cause future issues. I did say they could still have an open bar but suggested they ensure the bartenders know exactly who she is and that she can potentially get violent if she drinks. Setting your best foot forward for a new life endeavor is not a bad thing especially since she apologized. If we are talking about "manners" it said that the girlfriend was already invited and the bride doesn't know what to do. Would it be "proper" to simply un-invite her? Or should they take her apology at face value and to set aside the task to the best man to reign in his girlfriend if she starts acting abnormal? I am inviting some people to my reception solely because my fiancee doesn't want to hear about it until the day he dies. Does he like them? No. Do I like them? No. But the community we are a part of and would like to remain a part of considers them to be highly important and so we suck it up and enjoy the time we have. Some people (especially mother in-laws) would never let you see the end of it if the best man pulled out. Just food for thought. At the end of the day it is her wedding. She can genuinely do whatever she wants.

Address the invite to him. When he asks if she can come have his brother kindly remind him that she isn't welcome there for obvious reasons.

View Quoted Comment Perhaps I reacted more strongly because your comments went against several things, not just one cited by others. This is an etiquette and advice section. Look in any standard book on etiquette, or one on wedding etiquette, or any reputable columnist, Miss Manners or similar. There is never any need to invite anyone who has ever assaulted ir otherwise abused or committed a crime ( like theft) against the hosts. And girlfriend punched her this year. . Also, hosts should not expose other guests to an abusive, possibly assaultive drunk, or anyone with a history or serious antisocial behavior. Certainly not to please a relative who regularly is expected to get drunk himself, who does not care that his girlfriend assaults others. Excuses can be made and new chances given for a minor thing, throwing up after drinking or eating yoo much, or telling someone off, over time. But not for abusive behavior, that calls for long term cutting the person off of all social invitations, unless a major reform has happened, like someone quits drinking for a year or more, not a simple apology by someone who goes right back to drinking. Standard etiquette. . . Also standard: It is nice for a host to accommodate to medically necessary dietary or accessibility needs, or extra help for someone with special needs or dementia. But hosts ate never to be asked to change the nature of their function, or deprive all guests of something they planned to provide ( alcohol in a free, open bar) because of expected or previous bad behavior of a single or few guests. Hosts may exclude their own relatives, or in this case, the girlfriend of one. An uncle who asks people to dance, then fondles them, or has before? Etiquette is, he is not invited again. You do not say, hosts should not have dancing. You do not invite a guest you know pulls kids into private places and molests them, ever, and no host should change their party to tell everyone, children hosts wanted cannot come. . . Last is a general societal rule: As long as people get away with grossly inappropriate behavior, violent, abusive, against the law ( intoxication), because people like relatives, friends and coworkers want to sweep it under the rug, nasty behavior will be accepted as normal. Society needs to have consequences. The girlfriend needs to learn the societal rule that is the basis of etiquette: Anyone who acts out seriously toward other in social situations will not be invited anywhere, they will be publicly shunned. People may call the police and press charges for simple assault and intoxication in public that results in bad behavior. And any parent if the groom, or brother, or friends who insist on the presence of the person who behaves badly, should not be listened to. Hosts plan parties, and are within their rights to not invite any person or relative who has behaved badly, permanently, and anyone else who does mot like it, need not attend. . . I have no grievance against you personally. You just are the only one I read that suggested overlooking a drunken assault, closing the planned open bar ( for a cash one) as though host must accept bad behavior, and that B and G should give in to pressure from relatives who think drunkenness and assaulting the bride recently are no big deal. The Trifecta of bad etiquette.