Do i have to make my sister a bridesmaid?

If you don’t want her in the bridal party, don’t have it. Sounds like it’ll just be more stress if you do. I think my family expected me to ask my cousin to stand up since I don’t have a sister or really many close girl friends, but we aren’t close at all so there’s no point. You want to be surrounded by supportive people on your day, and if she’s not leave her out.

I would say not to make any decisions at this point. Usually it is recommended not to choose wedding party members until 6 mos from your wedding, because relationships can change drastically in a small amount of time. Your relationship with your sister is living proof – she went from your “best friend in the world to a stranger” very quickly. Wait until the end of this year/beginning of next year to decide on your wedding party. Who knows, you may have completely repaired your relationship with her by then

Was there a fall out or just distance? If there has been bad will and cruelty, of course don’t ask her!
If it’s lack of time spent together and distance, maybe wait a bit.
The past year has been so hard for people, and many relationships have suffered. If she’s toxic and has harmed you, then that’s one thing. If she’s been caught up in her own life for whatever reason, since she is family, you may want to give her more leeway. I am not saying to accept bad behavior, more that her life may have struggles that have caused her to withdraw.

View Quoted Comment That’s what I feel but I don’t think my mother would ever forgive me 😩 I don’t want people who don’t have my best interest at heart standing next to me and I know that my sister does not.

View Quoted Comment I think that’s a totally valid point. There was definitely a lot of toxicity and she really, really hurt me. I think it’s possible we can get to the point where we can be courteous but she cannot gain back the respect and trust that she lost from me. Thanks for your insight !

I think you have a lot of time right now, and I probably wouldn't make any decisions just yet! Maybe your being engaged/wedding planning will bring you and your sister closer -

If not, you don't HAVE to have anyone in your wedding! Don't add anyone from obligation.

View Quoted Comment There was absolutely a fall out. A string of bad decisions on her end, irresponsible, cruel actions that hurt a lot of people. Because I voiced the littlest amount of “this is a bad idea”, she told me point blank there was not room in her life for me anymore, twisted my words and tried to turn the rest of our siblings (4) and our parents against me, and started this slew of she’s the victim crap. Basically I think she’s a bad person but I feel like if I don’t include her anyways it’ll just make it worse 😩

Having her in the wedding party seems to me to be more trouble than it is worth. If you aren't close to her, what is the point in having her there. I get wanting to avoid drama, but it could easily get worse with her there.

I wouldn't include here. You're still over a year away, I wouldn't make a final decision until you're 9 months out

If you don't want her as a bridesmaid, don't make her a bridesmaid. And have your niece as a junior bridesmaid. You have plenty of time to think about this though. You don't really need to ask anyone to be a wedding party member until around the 1 year mark. So, maybe between now and then, the decision will become a bit easier.

View Quoted Comment Well it sounds like she’d be horrible as a bridesmaid. It sounds lime you are concerned people will give you a hard time for not asking her?
A good trick I learned when people who butt their noses in and ask questions - like “Why isn’t your sister a bridesmaid?” is to look them right in the eye, and ask them, with a slightly confused tone “Why do you want to know?”
It works WONDERS. Just keep repeating it.

View Quoted Comment I’m sorry you are going through this, I hate when mothers play favorites like that - she isn’t thinking about what you want at all. My future mother in law is doing something similar. My fiancé doesn’t want to invite his half brother because he’s ruined every special day for my fiancé and his mom thinks we are doing it to intentionally hurt her which isn’t the case, and keeps telling my fiancé to get over it when it’s his half brother who won’t apologize for his actions and his entire family makes excuses for him. My fiancé’s grandparents said they wouldn’t attend if we didn’t invite his half brother, sucks because my fiancé loves his grandparents but if they don’t show up for that reason he’s going to be heartbroken and he said would probably not speak to them since they aren’t supportive of his choices. My heart breaks for him and for you, but at the end of the day you have to do what’s best for you. I know it’s hard but you and your husbands happiness comes first, and if people can’t support that then they don’t need to be apart of it.

My sister isnt in my bridal party at all. I have a total of 11 on my side. She will be attending as a guest. She was acting upset at first but I told her flat out. I need ppl I can depend on period.

Your attendants should be your best friends only. Do not ask anyone out of obligation

Absolutely not. You are not obligated to and if you have her in the wedding out of obligation you will deeply regret it. You will end up just being stressed because of her and she will just bring you down. Just read through all the posts on here about people regretting their decision on bridesmaids there's plenty of them. Stick to only the people you truly want by your side on your big day. People you can trust, rely on and who are going to be a good support team.

I won't answer the question about your sister coz all previous posters said it all; but I want to write about this:"I’ve promised my niece (older sisters oldest daughter) that she can be a bridesmaid (she’s 12 lol )" : it's not a big deal at all since junior bridesmaids/ junior groomsmen are "a thing" 🙂, usually for an underaged but too old to be a flower girl/ring bearer. If you want the 12-year-old niece as a bridesmaid, fine. Just make sure not to bombard her with annoying duties/tasks lol. Jr Bridesmaids/groomsmen are usually involved with fun stuff (even bachelor/bachelorette when it's a kid-friendly event) but not with duties/tasks as you only ask them because you want to honor them.

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Nobody should be bombarded with annoying duties/tasks. The only job of any wedding party member is to get the selected attire and show up at the wedding on time.

View Quoted Comment I agree. However some brides and grooms, especially brides, expect them to offer an emotional support, help her to ease her nerves (not a big deal), or to greet/usher the guests, escort them, chat or dance with single ones etc ... I know my fiancee and I would never expect that from our groomsmen,groomswomen, bridesmaids.

It's about the women most special to you (if you plan on a bridal party). If your sister isn't it, there's really no reason to ask her to be one. I would only reconsider if your parents are asking and covering the financial side of the wedding or you're having every other female family member part of the BP but her...

Your mother's time to pick MOH or bridesmaids was 20-30 years ago. She missed the deadline and her opinion does not apply to you. You are having a couple of representative family people, nice because they are close friends as well as family. That is enough. Your wedding is a while off, and bridesmaids are best chosen at 6-8 months, and you may have an additional newer friend you want, then. But not a sister you prefer be a guest. I am on excellent terms with my 4 sisters, and did not have any of them. If you get back on good footing with this sister, let her sit alongside your mom, and enjoy watching you get married. There is no sister or SIL or cousin requirement, and having the least bit of ill will pop up in your wedding ruins it for the whole wedding party. See how things are a few months, about 6, before choosing dresses. And remember, this decision is just yours. No others involved. No obligations.