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Master November 2022

Do i invite the officiant?

Chrysta, on August 31, 2020 at 12:09 PM Posted in Community Conversations 0 13

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This week’s planning goal is to get info from restaurants for our rehearsal dinner. As I was making the guest list, something occurred to me... are you supposed to invite your officiant to the rehearsal dinner? I know you probably would if it was a friend or family member, or a pastor, etc. from the church you go to; but we are having an out of state destination wedding and I will have never met our officiant until the day of the rehearsal. In this situation, would I be expected to invite her to the rehearsal dinner? It just seems like it would be super awkward to invite someone to a dinner where they don’t know any of the other guests and vice versa. Also, immediately after our rehearsal dinner, I have arranged for a private walking tour for our group. I feel like if I invite her to the rehearsal dinner, it would then be rude to expect her to leave when everyone else is going on this tour. And we have already maxed out the number of people for the tour (actually, we are 4 guests over the max, but the tour guide has graciously made an exception for us), plus tickets are $50 each. Do you think our officiant will be expecting an invite to the rehearsal dinner? Would it be rude, under the circumstances, to not extend an invitation?

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Latest activity by Yvonne, on September 2, 2020 at 5:19 PM

Legend June 2019
Melle · on August 31, 2020 at 12:13 PM
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I definitely invited mine to my rehearsal dinner. I invited everyone that is needed at the rehearsal, basically
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Rockstar July 2022
Lisa · on August 31, 2020 at 12:16 PM
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Personally, I would invite the officiant (and anyone who attends the rehearsal) to the rehearsal dinner.
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Master October 2022
Jana · on August 31, 2020 at 12:22 PM
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Yes you invite them. They are also invited to your reception as well. However unless they are a family friend, they will often decline.
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Super September 2020
Leanne · on August 31, 2020 at 1:18 PM
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I just ran into this last week when we were getting our final rehearsal list together. We invited him, but he declined since he’s older and he’s trying to minimize public events right now.
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Master November 2022
Chrysta · on August 31, 2020 at 1:26 PM
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It looks like common practice is to invite the Officiant. Which I have no problem doing, I just didn’t want to put her in a position where she may feel awkward. But, as Leanne pointed out, she could always decline if she doesn’t feel comfortable attending.
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Master 0000
Judith · on August 31, 2020 at 1:46 PM
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I have never been to a RD where a professional JP or clergy for hire or any officiant not clergy for their own church, was even invited. When we were looking for JP to come to our venue, some were retired clergy, or teachers or professors of religion moonlighting. They would all stay for an RD, or the wedding meal itself, for extra money. Presumably to speak, do a grace or blessing. It was quite clear, this would be added work time. So if your relationship is merely professional, I would not even ask.
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Super March 2021
Kimberly · on August 31, 2020 at 2:21 PM
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I agree with Judith. If this is purely a professional relationship an invite to the rehearsal dinner is not necessary.
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Master November 2022
Chrysta · on August 31, 2020 at 2:30 PM
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I guess I never paid attention to whether the Officiants were present at the rehearsal dinners I have been to. I know for sure they were at the last one I went to, but that is just because he was one of the couples closest friends who got ordained in order to marry them. I just wasn’t sure if this was one of those etiquette things I wasn’t aware of and the Officiant would be expecting an invitation. I don’t want to come off as rude, but also don’t want to put the officiant in the position of feeling obligated to accept an invitation to a dinner where she won’t know anyone
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Master November 2022
Chrysta · on August 31, 2020 at 2:34 PM
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Thanks Kimberly! I was kind of feeling the same way, but wanted to make sure that wouldn’t be interpreted as rude. It just seems like it would be awkward for her. And I would be worried about whether she felt comfortable and would feel like I needed to be a good host and ”entertain” her the whole time since she wouldn’t know anybody. And to be honest, I would really just like to relax and have a good time with our guests the night before the wedding.
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Master 0000
Judith · on August 31, 2020 at 3:05 PM
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We did not go to any exotic location, just the Catskills in upstate NY, but it was a meeting point between our family homes, work, and school, so all could drive. But our JrP mentioned doing 13 weddings and 8 rehearsals Thurs to Mon night of Columbus Day weekend, after saying he did not mind if we had no rehearsal. I imagine the number of time slots in different venues would make a difference, too.
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Expert July 2022
Jmz · on September 1, 2020 at 1:56 AM
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If you don't want to come outright and ask, I would invite them but expect a decline. Our officiant made it clear that she didn't think we even needed a rehearsal the day before (nice 👍) and that she would like a wedding invite, but won't stay for the reception. We also won't meet her in person until our wedding. Maybe when you send the invite you can also email them saying you invites them because you weren't sure if they'd want to be there or not. Perfect opportunity for them to say "oh no, thank you though!" 😊
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Master August 2019
Rebecca · on September 1, 2020 at 5:15 AM
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Yes, though in our case, our officiant was a dear friend, and the rehearsal dinner was at my ILs. (Who not only made an amazing meal - I married an Italian, I am so lucky - but figured out how to deal with vegan, gluten-free, and non-dairy diets. Bless them.)
But anyone at the rehearsal should be invited, 'cuz they did work.
That said, if you don't know them.. they may not come at all.
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Dedicated January 2021
Yvonne · on September 2, 2020 at 5:19 PM
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Invite the officiant; it is their call if they decide to go or not!
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Do i invite the officiant?

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