Do i part ways with my bridesmaid over politics?

So many great & valid points have been said! Definitely need to have a come to Jesus meeting with her. She shouldn’t have lashed out publicly at you.

Ugh. This is the worst. 2020 has already been an incredibly stressful time for couples trying to get married. The tense political tinder box we are now enduring on top of it just isn’t fair. I have actually cut 4 family members from my guest list over the past couple weeks due to political b.s. (they are not aware of it, but they will not be getting an invitation unless they offer apologies for their actions). 2 of my aunts have blatantly attacked me on several occasions (completely unprovoked!) on social media because they do not agree with my choice of presidential candidate. I took the high road and did not respond any of times this happened. I simply deleted their rants. But after the most recent attack, I realized that not only do I not want to align myself with people who could support the things they were supporting, but I also did not want anyone at my wedding who did not love and support me unconditionally; and their actions showed me their love and support had very clear conditions. Where your friend did apologize, there could be potential for the 2 of you to talk it out and resolve your issues. I would think about whether you feel you could move past this incident and look past her beliefs and continue a close friendship. Because, unfortunately, politics right now are tied to deep seeded morality and personal beliefs.

For me, it would depend entirely on what the differences actually are. I’m all for agreeing to disagree on many things, but some things just don’t fall into that category. If it has to do with racism, women’s rights, LGBT rights, or things along those lines, I will absolutely cut people from my life. I don’t post political things online (for work reasons), but I absolutely pay attention to what others are doing and have distanced myself from a lot of people because of it. If your core values are completely different, maintaining a friendship can be very difficult.

I’m sorry but this is the year to end friendships for people who support hate speech. I don’t know if you support the man with the red hat or if she does but whoever supports him does not respect black people, lgbtq, immigrants, women’s rights and the list can go on.

View Quoted Comment I couldn’t agree more.

So the exact same thing happened to me... I didn’t post who I voted for but I made a comment which caused her to message me demanding to know who I voted for and when I told her (my best friend since high school mind you) she said she didn’t know if she can trust me anymore.. I hadn’t asked her to be in the wedding yet but I certainly was going to... not sure what to do now so I wish you the best of luck.

Posting or discussing your political opinions is going to end your relationship with many people on the opposing side during this election. I think in the past politics was not this divided but in 2020 and this election with these candidates and these issues...it is. Anyone who says politics should not change relationships is coming from a place of privilege. I would say your relationship has likely ended

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THIS.

I am honestly terrible at being friends with people "on the other side of the spectrum" because I view my politics as very central to my moral choices and how I live my life. (Also, NJ has an election every year, so, uh, you CANNOT get away from it. And I mean every year. If I'm counting right, 2021 is governor again!) But to me, politics = policies = how we want the world to go. So.

FB, however, is a terrible place to talk about these things. (I had a long time friend on the same part of the spectrum of me... block at least 8 of us... because she got upset about a new slang term... and we, uh, asked her to chill out about it.)

I think you need to actually TALK to her, and then make decisions.

Your first mistake was posting who you voted for online. I’m sure realized this. There are a lot of people on my social media who say if you support so and so candidate unfollow me. I am more than happy to do so. I have no time for people who do not know how to handle an opinion different from their own. That is so immature and speaks volumes about that person. My own cousin and I have completely different political views - we just met before the election to hang out and discussed them. Civilly And without argument. Because at the end of the day, we are family, and everyone is entitled to their own opinion. This is America. And also, at the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter - We’re both still broke lol and Biden or Trump isn’t going to change that. And if someone believes otherwise, they are fooling no one but themselves. It’s sad, but I would probably just end the friendship. Her being unable to handle an opinion that differs from her own does not extend solely to the election.

Same situation here, but she broke it off not me. I posted something political (which I've been doing for months but 3 weeks before the wedding is when she decides to get offended) and she said she doesn't feel comfortable being around me (someone who "doesn't respect her beliefs") or attending the wedding due to it. I am heartbroken since this is my 3rd bridesmaid that has dropped out (all for different reasons) and she doesn't seem to want to continue the friendship. I am part of the LGBTQ+ community and am terrified for the results, and her directly supporting the candidate that is against me and my community is a dealbreaker. If my bridesmaid can look past the racism, sexism, homophobia and etc and feel comfortable with that, than yeah maybe I don't want her as my friend anymore. I've had the same gut-wrenching awful conversations that have ended friendships, about religion as well, as I grew up in a well-known high demand religion that I have since left and am morally opposed to. If your bridesmaid is open to discussing why she is hurt by your decision (and vice versa) than maybe you can mend the friendship. Refraising what PP's have stated, there is a definitive line in american politics right now where you are either for human rights or your not. I would tread carefully and reevaluate your friendship.

Been thinking a lot about this since I posted and made peace with just being patient with her and letting her choose whether or not to end the friendship. PPs are right--politics is personal and always has been and the disagreements cut to our moral core.

Some people on this forum are really jumping to conclusions about the situation so I'll end it here. I'm upset with her but now I'm tempted to get defensive of her and that will only end poorly for me. She had her reasons for voting the way she did and so do I. I don't think she's a bad person and if she is open to it I am going to be friends with her again like some PP suggested.

Biggest learning experience here was that I should not share who I'm voting for.

View Quoted Comment I absolutely disagree with this, and this way of thinking is why we as a country are where we are today. People are allowed to have different beliefs and you should not lose friendships over them. If this was the case, I would not have married my best friend of 25 years, 30 days ago and most of my friendships I would not have. I respect every one of my friends that have a different political standing than I and they respect mine. Now, with that said, I have lost friends and even family members that chose to not have that mutual respect of our differences and we parted ways but those are very few and their views were very extreme. But, I do believe that there is always common ground if you truly want the relationship to work.

View Quoted Comment This can sometimes work out, & it’s so great when it does! Something like “I think sales tax should be X% “ or “I think we shouldn’t have sales tax at all” is a case where it should be fine. But in other cases it’s too simplistic of an idea, unfortunately.

To use a common example, if Friend A says they don’t think an LGBTQ+ person should be able to get married, Friend B, who is straight, might be willing to ignore that. But Friend C is bisexual & now knows Friend A has no respect for them as a person. And Friend D is also straight but chooses to support their loved ones instead of staying friends with Friend A. All this is compounded if Friend A is also voting for candidates who try to take away people’s rights.

There are plenty of other examples where one person might make another feel unsafe in a supposed friendship. So while I love the concept of everyone getting along, it’s really tough in certain situations, especially those where one person is showing hatred & fear. I say this as someone who tries to find that common ground, but I have a huge amount of privilege to be able to make that choice.

I agree wholeheartedly.

I personally could not be friends (let alone in a relationship) with someone who wasn’t as socially progressive as me, absolutely not. Racism, social justice, reproductive rights, and equality aren’t ‘political’ – they’re defining moral perspectives which completely alter a person’s character.

I have a friend who is much more right wing than I and she is also very religious (I am an atheist) but we get along well because she is all for womens’ autonomy of their own bodies and marriage equality. If she weren’t, I wouldn’t be able to be friends with her (and I am sure she would feel the same way). Same applies here.

View Quoted Comment Well, there’s our difference. I don’t truly want the relationship to work if the other person supports a candidate who mocks people with disabilities, jokes about sexual assault, doesn’t believe in science, and cages children.

View Quoted Comment This is beautiful. I don't understand when it became acceptable to push your opinions or beliefs on someone else. Obviously there are extremists on every side who promote hate and inequality, but if you are friends with that person you most likely know they are not one of them. That is the only time I would end a friendship, if someone wished harm on others - at the end of the day we are all people, and should learn to respect everyone’s opinion even if it differs from ours. This is called maturity.

View Quoted Comment Thank you!! That is exactly how I feel and how I wish to see our country one day!!

View Quoted Comment I think this response is very mature of you and absolutely correct. I posted about my situation with my best friend earlier in the thread and that’s what we did as well...we were patient with each other, we took the time apart needed and realized that our differences in political beliefs didn’t matter because we needed each other in each other’s lives. I understand people allow politics to cut through them morally because a lot of sensitive topics are discussed. But a lot about each individual politician is so hidden in social media and other media, which makes up stories and tailors what you see based on who you support (there’s a whole documentary and many studies explaining all of this), so it can be hard to discuss with two very passionate people. I hope you guys can figure it out ❤️. Best of luck!

View Quoted Comment Same same same. If you’re on of the 71 million, you ain’t one of mine.

No way! Political differences can get heated, but that doesn't mean the relationship has to end. Braving these waters together can be tough, but it's always better to try to understand each other. No matter where either of you falls on the political spectrum, you two can find a way to put your friendship first.