Do or Ditch: Prenups

View Quoted Comment I agree that getting assets sorted out ahead of time is not a bad idea at all, and this is similar to why husband and I ultimately chose to sign an agreement. It wasn't anything official, but we discussed what would be most fair to both of us in the event of a hypothetical divorce, wrote it down, and we each signed it. I don't intend to ever see that sheet of paper again, but at least we have it if needed. Putting together the agreement also prompted deeper discussions on finances, which are always good to check in on. You bring up a good point that there will almost always be differences in finances and goals between both people in the couple.

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I would hope that two people in a marriage would have compatible goals because if they stay married one way or another what one does is inevitably going to affect the other. If not, I see that as an issue for financial and marital counseling.

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If you have private student loans (not federal loans) - check to see if they have a death discharge. Some private loans can go after a person's estate (marital assets) for money owed.

View Quoted Comment Life is long. There are big financial goals like if you should have children, and smaller financial goals, such how to save for this year's vacation. Teamwork is ongoing in a marriage and outside counsel adds new ideas and skills. It's not a penalty.

View Quoted Comment I think any two people will surely have different approaches to finances. We all have our own histories-- gains, losses, cultural hangups, secrets. It's good to touch base with your partner on a shared life plan. I see the value in prenups because outside the divorce part, it puts it all on the table. Perhaps I'm more private so I needed a structured conversation. But there are those who unfortunately equate self worth with net worth and they think even a conversation is unnecessary because they don't have much. But, you bring yourself to the marriage. Your contribution is valuable even if you are afraid to put a number on it. I like your method of writ

Oops edit: I like how you and your partner wrote it down on paper with the intention of putting it away. The legal costs are surely intimidating.

View Quoted Comment Sure, I just don’t know that a pre-nup or an attorney is the best form of counsel for those kind of issues. A financial advisor or marriage counselor, yes. Personally, I’d want no part of a pre nup that contained provisions for having children or who paid for vacations. At that point if we’re not into the marriage on an equal basis, I’d have no interest.

View Quoted Comment That reminds me, some prenups/ postnups include clauses if one spouse stops working to raise children, go to school, or any reason. Some couples feel uneasy depending on one income for several years at a time. Alimony and child support aren't guaranteed. Protection does go both ways. I had a friend who put his wife through college; he paid all bills. They were supposed to take turns. But, she divorced him shortly after graduation and tried to go after his pension. They say you don't divorce the person you married.

A prenup was a no brainer for us (actually just signed it yesterday). My fiance had a brutal divorce from his first wife that dragged on for years, and we both have children and significant assets (we're in our late 40s). in addition to wanting to protect our kids' interests, a prenup makes it so that we stay together because we choose to -- not because we can't face a messy, expensive divorce.

It was also important because (as another poster said), if you don't have a prenup the state decides who is entitled to what rather than the couple. Both of us being lawyers, we have very specific ideas about terms we want that are not standard (e.g., neither person gets alimony ever under any circumstances and he does not acquire any ownership interest in the house I own even if he contributes money for repairs, etc.).

I certainly don't think everyone needs one, but there was no question for us that we would get one.

View Quoted Comment This is actually a good idea that I think I might use. I’m in a situation where I do have property in my name and a decent inheritance because my dad unfortunately cashed out his pension the day he retired, right before taking his life.
And, despite having a loving relationship in the beginning, my parents had a nasty divorce that resulted in them not speaking unless necessary, and my mom paying back lawyer bills for literal years on end while my dad paid a high child support when he paid for most of not all of child and healthcare costs. So it’s fair to say I’m at least a little terrified of divorce and how ugly it can get, especially in the courts and when children are involved.
Although I wonder, how would it work out if we plan on selling our house (my dad’s old house) and buying a house “together” but technically with the money from my dad’s pension + profits from his house? Would it still technically be my property? Or would it all depend on whose name is on the title?

View Quoted Comment I’ve never thought about it that way, that you don’t stay together just because you can’t face a messy & expensive divorce! When you put it that way, it really does sound like a no brainer. I’m definitely considering it because I do have assets

View Quoted Comment They never said that would be in the prenup. They’re talking about how people’s financial goals may not always be the same and how they can change. That’s not what a prenup does

We've talked about it and I don't mind signing one if he wants it.

View Quoted Comment These are good questions to ask a legal prof.

View Quoted Comment Exactly. Smh

View Quoted Comment Interesting point that everyone technically has a prenup! I hadn't thought of it that way before, but it makes sense. That's a bummer that it's so insanely expensive to officially sign a prenup in your state.

View Quoted Comment No - as long as your partner did not co-sign on your student loan, your partner will not be responsible for your student loan debt after you're married.

View Quoted Comment I've heard about states that exceedingly limit who can legally officiate a wedding - I'm so glad my state isn't one of them! That is crazy to have to get married at a courthouse first just because you want a close friend or family member to officiate your ceremony, and they aren't a religious official or qualified judge.

View Quoted Comment The whole point of my post that preceded LM’s was that certain things can be better handled personally than legally( ie a prenup, the main topic here. I took her reply as a response and in that context. SMH too.

View Quoted Comment And that response was to yours where you say if a couple doesn't have financial goals always aligned then they shouldn't even be married. I call bull$#@+ that you and your partner are always financially in sync in your marriage.