Do over

How long have you been married? Is it a major anniversary yet? (10 years?) Then you could do a vow renewal with a party.
If your wedding was recently, I just think it would be a near impossible thing to explain to your guests that you want them all to come back because your wedding didn't go according to plan the first time around. People might even be offended---- like you didn't appreciate their presence and gifts at the first wedding. Honestly, probably no one else noticed what went wrong. I don't think you would have much success re-doing a wedding if you want it to be a traditional wedding with lots of guests. You mention the turnout was low as your wedding... but it would likely be even lower at a redo.

Remember that the important thing and goal of a wedding is that you got to marry your spouse. I would consider working through your feelings (counselling can be a wonderful thing) if you are feeling really down about it. But I don't think redoing the entire wedding will make it better. Again, you may have even lower attendance and then you will feel worse! Best of luck.

A vow renewal, especially for a major anniversary, is a great way to get a “re do” without blatantly trying to just do over the day— and probably better received (which I’d be especially aware of with low attendance as one of your issues with your wedding). But I would advise carefully considering how and if things would really be improved as you think about plans (Ex: if having someone give you away is very important to you— make sure that someone would be willing to do this for the ‘do over’/renewal)— I would be happy to attend a vow renewal/anniversary party but I will caution you this sort of thing may not garner the same level of excitement and interest as a first time wedding. So I’d look at why people may not have made the first wedding, and see if those are solvable problems , and plan accordingly. It’s not at all weird to want a redo — I’d just make sure it was possible to get what I wanted before going through the planning efforts and heartache. Hopefully you can figure out a way to get the celebration of your dreams !

It sounds like many of the things you feel you missed out on are lack of involvement from other people. How would having another ceremony change those things? Would those people be able to attend now and walk you down the aisle? The important part of the day is marrying your partner in life, the rest is simply a party to celebrate. Trying to get everyone together to "do it all over" may not go over well. Hopefully you can find a way to celebrate your marriage in a way that makes you feel you are making happier memories than your ceremony and reception.

View Quoted Comment Well first off, it was not well planned at all. Only 15 people showed with no gifts, decor was not at all what I want it. I had no one to give me away. It was more like a cheap get together more than anything. The theme and decorum was nothing of my ideas. It was nothing i dreamed of or envisioned. Yes I got to marry my spouse but alot of who I wanted to witness was not able to make it. Everything was all wrong and to this day i just feel like I settled. Not to mention my husband was my transportaion to my wedding seeing as though the day of the limo driver canceled. I appreciate everyone for coming and the 2 people who did get gifts but that is still something I cant let go of. I feel as though the only way i can get over it is to have a do over wedding or celebration only this time do everything the right way.

Why didn’t you do it the way you wanted the first time? Why didn’t you decorate the way you wanted? The limo part I understand because that wasn’t under your control.

View Quoted Comment

Agreed.
What will you do to change this? Why wasn't the décor right the first time?
Can you afford the "dream" wedding you want?
You can't control if people give you gifts- they will probably be even less inclined to give you gifts at a redo.
You also mentioned that a lot of people you wanted there couldn't make it. What will you do to change this? Will you give more notice? Speak to all your VIPs and settle on a date far in advance? Make it closer to where they live? etc. How do you know they will attend the redo?
Just some things to think about.

Well I guess it was more over to do with budget and my mother in law put together everything. We both was new at the whole wedding thing. I had no planner, could not afford a planner. I was just so ready to get married, i just wanted to plan it quickly. I am well aware that it was my fault the wedding was a rush wedding but I am still entitled to feeling like I want a do over. Now im not saying right away, but what I am saying is when I do get the chance to do a bigger better wedding of my dreams or vow renewal since I already am married, I want it to be a better planning with alot more attrndance. So to answer your question Marcia the timing, money, and no planning.

Well for starters, a much further date so my guest can plan accordingly. Secondly get a planner, its much easier to have a planner and a coordinator. Plan for just in case things dont fall through like my limo driver ... Ugh! I am still salty about that but whats done is done. And dont rush it thats for sure

I would just do a do over for a vow renewal for a significant anniversary

View Quoted Comment

I agree with this, but also recognize that it is unlikely that your future guests will think of a vow renewal as a "do over" of your wedding. I think generally, friends and family are happy to celebrate with their friends, but don't put the same priority on a vow renewal as a wedding (related to things like taking time off work, travel, gifts, etc.). And, since it sounds like budget was a huge factor in why your wedding didn't meet your expectations, I think it's critical that you and H are on the same page about how important a vow renewal/celebration in the future is to the two of you. Then, if you agree it's a priority, plan carefully for how you'll save/budget for the type of party you want. We have extended family members who hosted a lovely vow renewal on their 10-year anniversary. They were quite young and expecting their first child when they got married in a civil ceremony. And, honestly, I'm not sure even they thought at the time they'd be able to make it work. To their credit, they overcame a lot of obstacles early in their marriage, and by the time their 10th anniversary was on the horizon, they wanted to celebrate how far they had come and to honor the friends and family who had supported them over the years. It was a lovely party. They are probably coming up on their 20th anniversary now, and have a beautiful marriage and family to be proud of. I think they see that 10-year celebration as sort of a "do-over" of a start that wasn't exactly what they wanted, but they were also truly in a different place than they were the first time and I think that's what made it worthwhile for them.

Good luck to you!

Melle thats what I was thinking. Just the thought of doing it how my wedding should have been.

MOB so cal great point. Thank you.

I knew someone who tried that. The second "wedding" went even worse than the first. And if one of the reasons you're dissatisfied is that so few people came, that is likely to be worse if you have a redo. (People tend to give a vow renewal or anniversary party less priority than a wedding.)

If you want to have a renewal of vows for a major anniversary, when you've got the resources for a nicer party, that can be lovely. But do curb your expectations for how many will attend.

The main reason is how rushed it was and the main people much more like the person who was supposed to give me away and my brother and sister and my grandparents who are alive and well did not make it and hiw it was badly planned. Not because of how many people showed. Every bride deserves the luck to be given away because no one wants to feel like on their special day to feel like they dont have anybody. My father is in prison. Have not seen him since i was 16. I am 25. Not trying to give a sob story just saying. Most people arnt as fortunate to have a dream wedding and as fortunate to share with the main people who are supposed to be there. I was not planning on doing it right away. But i get the feeling everybody thinks i mean right away. Its not like that. The reason i want to even do it is more emotional. And its easy to say, go to therapy, talk to someone but guess what! Not everyone wants to talk and not eveyone, especially me can afford therapy. But hey. To eaches own I guess.

Looking through wedding “do over” posts, because my wedding ended with my dad head butting my husband, blood all over me (great in White!) My friend who just got home from the Marines sat with me and let me cry and scream, while my whole family literally blew up in a huge fight all around us... I walked away from my friend for 10 minutes and went to check on my mom who’s in poor health, and came back to see my marine friend had left our house and crashed down the road where he died on the scene... I wish we’d just have eloped. I want to do something just my hubby and I to focus solely on our love and commitment and to get to go to bed embracing that love, not go to bed covered in tears and blood with a broken heart...