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Dedicated October 2020

Do we invite his sister to the rehearsal dinner?

Neena, on October 22, 2019 at 12:18 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 34
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Background info: his sister and I do not get along. She did not ask me to be in her wedding party even though I was the only sibling’s significant other that was not asked. I was not invited to attend the rehearsal lunch either. Fast forward to my wedding. She is not in our wedding party but her husband is so literally same situation, different wedding. Now she’s the only sibling left out. We have a very large wedding party so we are only inviting those actually standing up in the wedding, doing a reading and our parents to the dinner. Must we invite her? I realize it’s a petty situation but I’m not going to pretend to be friends with someone who has been nothing but awkward and rude to me for past 5 years. No one batted an eye that I was not invited to her rehearsal. What should I do? Before you say invite all the wedding party’s SO, we will not be doing that because this is a thank you dinner for those directly involved and spending money and giving their time to be a part of our day.

34 Comments

Latest activity by Nicole, on October 24, 2019 at 11:53 AM
  • Taylor
    VIP October 2020
    Taylor ·
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    How long had you been dating your FH when she got married? If it was a new thing, I would get not being invited. Rehearsal dinners are for the wedding party and the bride/groom's immediate family. She falls into that category now. My advice would be to be the bigger person.

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  • N
    Dedicated October 2020
    Neena ·
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    Thank you for your reply. We had been dating for 5 years already and been engaged 3 months!!! I couldn’t believe it!! I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to cause any unnecessary tension the day before the wedding. Also, I was not included in any professional pictures with the family. Do I really have to have her in mine?
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  • Taylor
    VIP October 2020
    Taylor ·
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    If you had been together 5 years, I do think that was very tacky of her. As far as the photos go, you weren't technically IN the family at that point. It would have been nice to include you in one or so but at that moment in time, y'all could have easily broken up. Imagine if you hadn't been dating your FH at that time and you went back and saw family portraits with his then girlfriend in them. That would be a little weird. I think you need to include her in the family pictures because she is your family. You can take as many pictures with your bridesmaids (excluding her) as you want but she is your FH's sister. Take the high road. Kill her with kindness.

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  • N
    Dedicated October 2020
    Neena ·
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    Technically we weren’t married yet but after 5 years and an engagement that’s a slap in the face. Makes me want to exclude her from mine since even though we are married I don’t consider her as such. She’s only conveniently into family when birthdays and holidays are around the corner. Makes me so mad. Can’t let this witch ruin my day lol
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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    If you exclude her, be prepared for that to cause issues with your FH’s entire family. Are you prepared for that?
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  • Shelby
    Expert November 2020
    Shelby ·
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    If the lunch is just for the bridal party then only invite the bridal party, as you stated you are paying for this lunch as a thank you to everyone for being in the bridal party. The sister is still invited to the wedding.
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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    I wouldn't ask my brother's girlfriend to be in my wedding party either, I would have only asked if he was married or engaged. It is rude you weren't included in the rehearsal lunch for sure. I would never attend a rehearsal meal if my husband wasn't included, so I would try to find a cheaper caterer or venue and include all the SOs.

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  • N
    Dedicated October 2020
    Neena ·
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    Thank you for your reply. Honestly, I don’t care for any of them and they don’t care for me either but I guess I’ll have to send her a pity invite lpl
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  • N
    Dedicated October 2020
    Neena ·
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    Thank you for the reply. Honestly, I wish more people would understand that. Nothing personal (but it is lol) but this is for those involved with the wedding.
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  • N
    Dedicated October 2020
    Neena ·
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    I’m asking my sister’s boyfriend to be in ours. There will be some with and some without him. If he was some sleezeball loser then Of course I wouldn’t but I like to think I’m a good judge of character. I consider him family and actually attempt to get to know him and make him feel as those he’s one of us.
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  • Shelby
    Expert November 2020
    Shelby ·
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    I totally understand. Like I said your paying for it. If people are contributing to costs then I would say yeah sure invite her and everyone else’s SO’s, but since you only have the wedding party coming to this particular event then that’s the only people who should be there.
    I wish you luck though in case you do get slack from the rest of his family..
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  • needmorewine
    Expert May 2016
    needmorewine ·
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    It is poor etiquette to not invite the SO's of your bridal party to the rehearsal dinner, and especially spouses. You should invite her and all other SO's. Part of thanking the wedding party means putting their comfort first, which means inviting their SO's.

    It was rude of her to not invite you to her rehearsal dinner. Don't stoop to her level.

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  • N
    Dedicated October 2020
    Neena ·
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    Thank you Shelby!!
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  • Aleaj
    Expert October 2019
    Aleaj ·
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    I was in this same situation. I do not get along with my husbands sister either. She was not in my wedding, but just so she didn’t feel left out, and since i invited my other immediate family ( grandparents) she was invited to the rehearsal dinner, but still didn’t come. Lol Honestly, if no one cared about you in her wedding and since you aren’t including SO’s, no i wouldn’t invite her. If she says something about it, just simply say you weren’t inviting SO’s to the dinner.
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  • N
    Dedicated October 2020
    Neena ·
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    Thank you for your reply! I will agree to disagree on one thing. I don’t think it’s rude to not invite SOs. My hubby has gone to rehearsal dinners without me and I was not offended. It’s a few hours away from your SO. It’s not like I wasn’t invited to the wedding he stood up in. I think rehearsal dinners are strictly for those directly involved in the wedding. How awkward would it be to sit there while everyone is getting thanked and given a gift and you don’t get squat. To me, a few hours away from hubby is not a big deal of it means he is getting appreciated and celebrated for his support.
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  • Anna
    Super August 2020
    Anna ·
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    I think it's easier just to invite her. Since you were upset to be purposely singled out and excluded from her wedding events then I would choose to be the bigger person and take a different course of action with your wedding. Otherwise, you can't be mad at her for her decision at her wedding. The reality is that most people have family members they don't even like that much (think, MIL issues !) but still invite them to these events. Such it is! High road is always the best road.

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  • N
    Dedicated October 2020
    Neena ·
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    Girl!! The struggle is real I’m telling you. I wish I could use that line or say that the RD is only for the wedding party and our parents but my hubby kinda screwed me and asked his brother in law (sister in law’s hubby) to be his groomsman so not I gotta play coy and invite her and hopefully seat her at the other end of the table so I don’t have to look at her ugly face lol
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  • kymarmck
    Super March 2020
    kymarmck ·
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    This one's tricky.

    We're inviting all of our siblings (none of ours have SOs though). If any of our siblings had SOs they would be invited, even if we didn't like them. I think there could be tension between SIL & BIL if you do not invite SIL.

    If you don't care about the tension, I would say go for it and don't invite her. But if you do care about causing some tension then I would just invite her and hopefully no drama ensues!

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  • N
    Dedicated October 2020
    Neena ·
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    Thank you for the reply. Yes I am starting to see there is no way out of this one. I’ll have to take the high road and invite her and hope she can’t make it lol
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  • L
    Lady ·
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    Yes you need to invite her. REgardless of your relationship with her, she's the SO of a wedding party member and they should all be invited.

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