Do you approach the matter of finances with the future in-laws, and if so- how?

You should never approach them asking them if they plan on contributing! If they want to contribute, it’s up to them to reach out to you.

You don't, you never ask anyone if they will be contributing to your wedding. It's an old tradition that parents pay for their childrens wedding. And it's a tradition that a lot of parents drop nowadays because they are getting ready to retire and don't want to go in debt over their adult probably working childs wedding. Yes it's obviously nice when they contribute however if they want to they will let you know. It's something you should never bring up.

Also you can approach then about the guest list they gave you and tell them you can't afford to invite them. Or just simply tell his mom she can only invite x amount of friends.

And they don’t have any right to make a guest list for you unless you told them to. It doesn’t matter if they’re contributing or not. The only person that should be making the guest list as you and your fiancé.

You don't. Many (not all) couples feel it is their own responsibility to pay. Even if it means a smaller event. Parents and other people will offer if they decide to without being prompted but many parents don't contribute. Be aware that when you receive money from others, you lose the ability to make the final decision on purchases/guests.

I wouldn’t approach them, wait and see if they offer. You are entitled to cut their guest list to suit who you actually want there.

You don’t. If they can and want to contribute, they will offer. If you can’t afford to host their friends, or simply don’t want to, tell them no. The guest list isn’t theirs to decide on.

Agree with PP's. You dont' ask them or bring up the subject all. If they want to contribute they will offer.

I would have your FH approach his mother about anything $$ related. If a discussion needs to be had about the # of guests and the impact her list has on your budget - he should do it.

You don't. They know they can offer. Plan for the wedding you can comfortably afford (without going wedding poor). That may mean that some of their guest list cannot be accommodated. If it comes to that, they can make a decision independently if they want to contribute, but they should never be solicited.

You don't bring up the topic of whether or not they're contributing financially. They'll offer to contribute if they want to. I went into wedding planning assuming me and FH would be paying for everything, which made creating the guest list easier for us. FFIL and FMIL are nice enough to offer to pay for the rehearsal dinner, and my mom is splitting the venue cost with us.

If you can't afford to host all of the people on their guest list, then just go through the list and take off whoever you both aren't close to. Then politely tell your in-laws that it's nothing personal, but you both can only afford to host for whoever is currently on your guest list. Parents tend to forget that weddings aren't a family reunion or class reunion. FH and I had cut down on our parents' guest lists too!

I get where you're coming from. I'm an only child so my parents were super excited about my wedding and said they would contribute from day 1. FH parents are the most loving and giving people but their whole family is terrible with communication. I told FH to ask if they could pay for the DJ (only 2.5k but would be great help). As close as I am with them . . I would never have that conversation with them. FH eventually asked and they were thrilled to help. I think your FH should be having that convo with his parents . . not you.

Yep, I agree with everyone above. But if she gave you a guest list, then that is something you and your FH can address. Tell them that the number of guest on their list isn't in your current budget. Then see how they respond. If they don't respond with an offer to chip in, then move on and say "Our budget only accommodates (Whatever number) of people from your list" and ask them to narrow it down. Or if they sent a list when you didn't ask them to, then you can absolutely say that having any additional guest isn't an option with the current budget.

But anyway, there are ways to lead down the path without asking explicitly, and also without seemly like you are looking for them to give money.

So I have a different take on this than it seems like other posters do; I think it depends on the relationship. My FH approached his parents and asked if they were planning to contribute, while making it clear we didn't expect them to, just that we were trying to get an idea of what we were working with.

If his mom sent back a huge list of people, I'd have your FH tell her "we can only afford to invite X number of people". That opens the door for her to offer to contribute.

I think you should let your FH handle it since it's his mother. If she provided you with a guest list of people she wants, then it's not unreasonable to approach the topic of them contributing. But I'd let your FH handle it instead of you since it's his parents. I personally think that her providing you with a giant guest list definitely opens up the door for your FH to at least inquire about the possibility of them contributing. If they don't intend to contribute, then they shouldn't be providing you a guest list! If that ends up happening, then the two of you would need to tell them "sorry, this is the number of people we can afford to host, so this is the number we can allot you"

I would not ask. Proceed as if they aren’t contributing. They will approach you if they want to contribute.
If they do contribute - if you’d rather not have then make requests/strings, maybe have them host the rehearsal dinner and let them plan it however they want.
If they don’t want to do that, but want to give a set amount, get into the nitty gritty. What, if anything, do they want in return? What are you willing to concede?

I don’t agree with the PP. We went thru this with my FH and his family. We had a discussion with them about who they expected to be invited to the day-of aka their “must have there” and their “want to have there” and asked for a list. We told them we would get back to them after going thru the list. We told them about our budget, how much it cost per person. Then my FH came to his mom and said something along the lines of “We have no expectations of any financial contribution from you guys, but wanted to let you know if you felt like you wanted to, it would be put to great use and very, very much appreciated.”. They knew how much my parents were giving us (I have a close relationship with my parents and we've talked about the amount prior). My FMIL said she would talk to my FFIL, then ended up venmo-ing us.
We actually weren’t expecting them to contribute but being the grooms family (my older brother got married a few years ago so my mom gave me great insight) sometimes feels left out of things and I didn’t want them to feel like that. We were open to suggestions from my FH family but they didn’t want to overstep. Giving financially has actually allowed them to open their opinions which has been great. Ultimately, their money got them their “must haves” and “wants” so we appreciate them paying for their friends. It was a win-win!

You don’t bring it up. But based on your budget you both could probably say something like, “Based on our budget, each set of parents can invite XX number of guests.” If they want to chip in to invite more then you can give them the per person amount and be sure to set a guest number cap and deadline date to submit their guest list.

You don’t. Plan the wedding you can afford without anyone’s financial input. Do not ask for the money. They know how to offer if they want to help. If the parents do help that’s great, consider it extra padding.. but don’t plan your wedding based on promises or potentials to pay. I know someone who’s parents said they’d help with things and then backed out. You don’t want to be in a pinch. As far as the guest list goes— only you and your fiancé make that. No pay no say. If you gave them the liberties to make a guest list then you have to be clear on how many YOU and FH allow from their side. Best of luck!

I actually disagree with most of the PPs... One of the golden rules in wedding planning is "no pay, no say." Now I certainly don't think it would be appropriate to just flat out ask for money from them with no context, but because FMIL has already given you a large guest list, you have the right to know if they intend to contribute or not. If they don't intend to contribute, then you'll have to tell them you can't accommodate all of those extra people. FMIL can't demand to invite loads of her friends and expect you to pay for it