Does anyone else's FI have problems with the bride getting the attention?

My DH was a little salty that my bridal shower was girls only but he didn't really care that much. (he just wanted to open gifts too lol) DH has said a few times that yes it's our day but it's mostly for me because it's what I wanted but he helped every step of the way and he wasn't throwing diva fits about it or anything. We all knew it was our day and we would correct someone if they said it was my day but it wasn't a big thing, your FH sounds a little insecure.

My FH couldn't care less. Honestly, your FH sounds incredibly childish. He was upset because you got an engagement ring and he didn't? Seriously?? It sounds like a child throwing a temper tantrum because he didn't get what he wanted.

@Richard.. my least favorite thing! I had some dumb girl ask my friends "so who's the boy in your relationship?" and I snapped back "The whole point is that there ISN'T a man, ;al13*?!" And maybe a few words NSFW.

The engagement ring thing is a bit much, IMO. Seems like this might be indicative of a larger issue. FH got a little salty when our engagement pictures came back and his whole face is only in, like, 3 of them (I did too). But that's about it.

Having spent years working in male-dominated fields, I know the feeling of being looked over because people assume you have no idea what your doing. It rankles a bit.

However, your FH does seem more than a bit insecure. I understand wanting to make it about "us" instead of just the bride. And it sound like you have gone above and beyond to make it an equal playing field. But just like I have had to roll my eyes and grit my teeth when ordering a car part because the guy behind the counter doesn't expect me to know what to do with it, he needs to realize that society doesn't expect him to take a huge part in the planning or be the center of attention. Not saying it's right. It sucks. But that's something we have to just let roll over our shoulders, and maybe twitch a few times while suppressing sarcastic comments.

Thankfully, all of our vendors have been wonderful to work with. They have included my FH equally- to the extent that he wants to participate. Yes, most communication comes through me, because I'm the one keeping on top of it. But they realize his opinion is just as important and make the effort to speak to both of us in person.

I actually have quite the opposite issue.. he's all about it being my day and I keep reminding him that it's our wedding! He doesn't seem bothered by it at all, but I want to make sure that he also feels special too!

My FH knows it's not about the wedding; it's about the marriage... so nope. Doesn't bother him. I definitely make sure though that he knows his opinion and input on our wedding day is just as important as mine is.

Sounds like your FH a little insecure..

My FH knows it's society that thinks it's all about the bride, not me, or our families for that matter. He doesn't get all butt-hurt because of it. Plus, he's included in everything, even the things he wants nothing to do with.

The situation with your FH sounds deep rooted by another insecurity. He has to understand that you are personally doing the best you can to make the attention on the two of you, and if that's not enough, then that's too bad. The engagement ring thing is a bit extra, IMO.

My FH keeps telling me " I want you to have the perfect wedding" and I have to remind him it's OUR wedding. He did mention once that he wished guys got an engagement ring but he wasn't upset about it. I try to plan all vendor meetings on days we're both off and though they usually do gravitate towards me I make sure he's included in the discussion. I also only make appointments with vendors I've shown him. If he doesn't like them then they're out. I think just making him part of the planning is important though I care way more than him about most of it.

He's never like this when he doesn't get attention. In fact he hates attention which is why I don't get why he's like this, right now.

@Mrs. coakley he wanted a ring so people would know he's taken. When I get hit on by aggressive men at work I just flash them my ring. We both had promise rings but his doesn't fit him anymore so I think that's where that came from.

It's not like he throws a tantrum or anything I can just see his face drop every time he hears someone call it "my day" instead of ours.

@kelsey he just wanted to have that moment with his mom. He's walking her down the aisle

@Brianna nope. This is the only thing he's "insecure" about.

We've talked about the whole "we're pregnant" vs. "I'm pregnant" and we agree that men that say "we" are insane. So I don't think the pregnancy will be the issue. But it would bother me (and probably him) if someone called our kids mine instead of ours

Sounds like he wants to be a bride too.

I get the ring thing. FH kinda wanted a ring too, but we just never got one. But since I got to show I was taken, he kinda wanted the same thing. Which I thought was sweet, but that got lost in everything else.

Jo and muchkin I deal with the Male ego Everyday I work in a Transmission Repair shop some of them men that come in here make me want to throat punch them and others are super respectful so it depends on the guy... OP your FH sounds a bit immature about this hope he comes around!

@OP well I would get mad if FH and I have kids, and someone said they were just mine lol that's not how the baby making process works. Maybe this is just because it is one big, special event in life that he wants to feel like he is a part of too? It sounds like he is getting everything he wishes (walking down the aisle and a ring). As far as people saying it's just your day and not you and FH's day, just ignore it. Some people are still very stereotypical about weddings.

So, my FH doesn't take as active a role in planning as I do. He has opinions and I ask for them. When he doesn't have much of an opinion on something, he tells me, "It's your day." And then I correct him and say, "It's OUR day." And it catches him slightly off guard and he beams, which I think is cute.

I got my FH an engagement ring too. He didn't ask for one, but he wears it pretty proudly and loves it. Some people see it and assume we are already married, but it's not a big deal

"he wanted a ring so people would know he's taken. When I get hit on by aggressive men at work I just flash them my ring."

that seems abnormal and unhealthy. Just you know- say no. But I'm a believer that my "no" is more important than stressing that I'm married- I'm not property- I'm not interested because I'm not interested.

you shouldn't continue to be interested because you have another man to contend with- you should stand down because *I* said I wasn't interested.

I'm married and I have 2 rings and a band- and I wear them about 3 times a month maybe at this point- otherwise I don't wear them.

@jo I say “aggressive” because usually the ones that take “no.” As a complete sentance aren’t that aggressive. It takes me saying about 5 “I’m simply not interested” before I finally tell them I am engaged. It’s not like they’re like “hey” and my immediate reaction is “BAM! I’m engaged!!”

TJMaxx.

He thinks it's "not fair" that you got an engagement ring and he didn't? Does he think it's fair when he gets a BJ and you don't? Sorry, I'm not usually crude but this guy sounds like a child.

I can totally understand him wanting to be included but it sounds more like jealousy than it does lack of inclusion. At least, it does from your description. It's more - you got this and I want it and it's not fair.

Just sounds like there's something bigger going on here and you shouldn't have to constantly bend over backwards to reassure him. Maybe a frank conversation or some couple's therapy would help get to the real root of the problem.

^^^ ding ding ding

Sarah- exactly

The people who won't just take no- and only stand down because "there is another man to contend with"

don't even care that your engaged- they just don't want the hassle of dealing with a man.

I refuse to let my married/not married/single/dating/unsingle status be my reason for saying no.

No I'm not interested is enough.

"I have a boyfriend" or "I have a husband" is not an "excuse" or write off- I refuse to use it.

I get that some people do- but for me personally- that's a huge no no. My inner feminist bitch can't do it.