Does anyone wear white?

Grandma is stuck in the 19th century. Most bridal gowns these days are ivory, champagne, etc. rather than pure white because those shades are more flattering to a variety of skin tones. Depending on the fabric, stark white can make it look like a cheap prom dress. Also most couples these days have "done stuff" before marriage regardless of what color you wear. Ignore her.

The trend of brides wearing white was started by Queen Victoria back in 1840 - until then, western brides wore the best dress they otherwise had. Over time some have taken to interpret this as appearing 'virginal' but its just patriarchal dialogue to try and assert misogyny and the values of the 'ideal' woman.

Wearing ivory, champagne, white, cream etc has nothing to do with your sexual status and grandma has a really outdated patriarchal view of this. I wouldn't dwell on her comment and otherwise encourage you in future to just block out any unwanted comments or advice - everyone will have their opinion but that doesn't mean that it is right or should be shared.

Not every opinion should be shared, sorry grandma 🙈

Besides the fact that it's normal for dresses to not be pure white nowadays, so what if you've "done stuff" 😂😂

Stark white does not capture well in today's high-quality photography, that's why designers now create multiple shades of ivory-white to colored wedding gowns. Misogyny aside, don't pay people no mind if they're not paying your bills, i.e. FH's grandmother. I know several brides who hated their pictures and did not order any albums because of how their dress looked. That's such a shame for investing so much into that day.

When I went dress shopping, my bridal salon only carried 2 dress styles that came in an all white option. If you're looking for a way to talk Grandma down off her ledge, that might be something you could tell her. Because honestly, the industry has learned that stark white isn't exactly flattering on everyone and doesn't always photograph well, as mentioned before.

You can also just accept the fact that you and your dress are gorgeous and old-fashioned views on the color don't matter 🤷🏼‍♀️ But I know it's hard to ignore the people close to you.

What a weird assertion 😂😂 most grandma thing ever to say.
Just tell him to tell her that it’s customary for the bride to wear a shade of white and ivory and blush are considered to be within the appropriate shades. If she doesn’t believe you direct her to a dress designers website.
It’s not traditional for the groom to wear white though so… that’s wrong lol

Like others have said, stark pure white is a hard color for most people to look good in - plus it doesn’t usually photograph as well. Bridal industry has pushed the more flattering ivory tones, and in 2022 very few people care if you’ve “earned” pure white or privilege or not 🙃 this kind of comment is not unexpected from older generations though. Just brush it off and know that you will look fabulous in whatever shade of white or ivory you choose!

Pfffft. I'm wearing mostly black! I can only imagine what your partner's grandmother would say about me! For me, the best way to handle people expectations is to just know that you can't please everyone. Even a little bit. If you try and please one person, you'll bother another. At the end of the day, the only two people who matter are you and your partner. Those are the two people you have to make happy. Wear white, wear ivory, wear pink, wear black, wear a deep green tuxedo. Who cares! Just make sure you're happy with how you look. Opinions are like a**holes, everyone has one.

And don't worry about the "done stuff" comment. First, thats such an old way of thinking and second, it's literally not a single person's business. And only grandma is going to be thinking that as you walk down the aisle. Everyone else is just going to be thinking "wow. She looks amazing. And so happy."

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Yes yes yes yes yes!! Just came to echo this comment! OP, try not to worry about what your FH's grandmother says. This may not be the first or the last time that others chime in with unsolicited (and inappropriate!!!) opinions on your wedding and your wedding planning process...so this will be a good exercise in letting these things go in one ear and out the other

So confused how some people think their opinions matter.

For most skin tones, pure white just doesn't look good. If I, a very white and of Scandinavian descent person, decided on a pure white dress, I would look so washed out and unflattered. Most dresses I tried on were either ivory, champagne or blush which seems to be pretty common now a days. My dress LOOKS white so no one will know the difference in pictures anyways. If she has that much concern about it looking like you have "done things" she would have a heart attack knowing I've lived with my fiancé for 4 years prior to us getting married.