Does saving it for marriage lead to divorce?

People rush because they want to have sex?

Okay...first and foremost...how are you doing all the cool URL links where we don't actually see the URL?? I want to learn how to do that! As well as bold and italicized

I am not sure if it always will end in divorce if you wait. I did have a friend though who waited and well once they were married she found out that there was NO sexual connection there. I guess it just was horrible to the point neither wanted it. That started a whole lot of problems and well soon ended the marriage. So yes I think at times it can cause problems but wont always ruin the marriage.

I can say that I know some people who seemed like the only reason they got married was to "make it okay to have sex". IMO, that can't be a good main reason to get married... they were in their teens and with swirling hormones, of course you want to have sex!! But that's not a good reason to marry the first guy that you're sexually attracted to!

I completely agree. Not to bash anyones religious beliefs, but how can you marry someone you

a)never had sex with thus don't know if you're compatible with

and b) have never spent an entire week with since you're not allowed to live together?!

It just seems crazy to me.

I feel that it is very old fashion and doesn't always work in today's world. But somehow our grandparents generation had a very low divorce rate, so who knows!

Lol

Hmm I'd like to see better data than just census reports, like with studies that can look at causation..I'm not familiar with that research though..but I know at least research has shown those who are younger who get married are statistically more likely to get divorced..but ya i"ve wondered about this, similar to what southerngirl said, I noticed in undergrad in a christian fellowship group i had gone to, quite a few got married even before they finished college, I always wondered if they were getting married so it would be okay to have sex.However, that's not to say that all couples that wait are doomed or anything.

@Kristi, that lowered divorce rate may be due to the fact it was less socially acceptable to get divorced back then, as well as women were less likely to work outside of the home so kinda had to stay with their husbands.

Interesting discussion 2d :-)

I don't think you neccessarily need to wait but I do think a person SHOULD be very selective. I do want the 1st time with my husband to be as special as it can be, and I'f I've been a major slut leading up to this point, then I think that is just nasty and makes things so NOT special at all. I think holding out for as long as possible, and not having sex as a teenager is a very good idea. But that's me.

I kinda think I could go either way on this. I think a marriage could maybe work if you wait. I think it's not impossible but I'm sure there's going to be lots of opnions on this subject.

Why is it some people think that compatibility only relies on sex? I just don't get that. My husband and I are totally compatible OUT of the figurative bedroom. And we have been since day one: we think along the same lines, we have the same opinions on most things, we generally like the same things, we are considerate to one another, we love each other deeply. Our sexual compability is an outpouring and extension of all the other things in our relationship. I rutted and mated with other men in my past (hey, in the '80s, it was the thing to do!), and they were "sexually compatible." But, sheesh, I'm sure as heck glad I never married any of them! No, that would not have worked - outside of the bedroom, we were not compatible. So, it's always confused me how folks say they NEED to have sex with some one to "know" they are compatible. Say, what??

I think the divorce rate was so low for our grandparents because the stigma against divorces at that time.My grandmother however DID get divorced because her husband was abusive. She is a very faithful christian too so I really commend her bravery for that time. That had to have been pre-WWII because I know she was married and stationed with my grandfather during the war .Also social standards were so different then today. A lot of woman still played very traditional roles too. As long as the man is happy...lol

I can't help but think womans lib has more to do with the divorce rate being higher now.

I was just talking to FH about this the other day. The little things like, showering together and changing in front of each other are bonding experiences. I can't help but think it IS a blind leap of faith getting into a marriage where you haven't shared those experiences. There are always those who make the right choice, but I agree that some people do rush marriage just to be intimate.

Jaclyn, that's ridiculous. It's special with your husband because you love him and are committed to him not because you haven't had a lot of random sex.

Michele- sexual compatability does not equal good marriage. However being not sexually compatable can equal bad marriage. Sex is an integral part of marriage. If you want it all the time but your spouse doesn't, it puts a huge strain on your relationship.

Also I am skeptical of any research on this topic. There are so many uncontrollable variables....you can find so much research that supports either side of the argument. I don't think it is all about sex in any relationship. Maybe it depends on how seriously the couple take the relationship prior to marriage? Nothing really changes in me and FH life after we get married except some paperwork and an awesome party. We might as well be married now I suppose. As long as the relationship is always growing and being nurtured, I think that is what really matters and predicts success rate.

@ALN excellent point about the ages...I know a lot of girls in florida that get married because the stork is coming or to get out of the parents house, only for it to end in divorce shortly after.

Interesting question! If both are virgins then I think you wouldnt know any better and would have the chance to learn together. Plus he hasnt been told by some other girl that that weird thing he does is fantastic resulting in months of retraining.

I personally wouldnt go that route but I dont have an issue with mongamous pre-marital sex. My FH and I are in our 30's (first marriage) so obviously we have previous experience and if we werent sexually compatable then we wouldnt be getting married - he would be my BFF. On the same note - I would never marry a man I hadnt lived with for atleast a year - SO MANY things come to like once you are under the same route.

Regarding the article though, I am from the south and in my opinion divorce rates are higher bc of the age in which people get married. I googled some stats and the avg age of brides in the east is 30, in the south 21-23. I know many girls that married someone bc they were SO old (like 25), and just had to. (cont)

I would 95% are divorced now.

Heck at 28 I was getting the you arent married? Well you must be a divorcee or widow? Oh really, Im sorry, you will find someone soon honey. SOOOOO Irritating, I was perfectly happy waiting to meet my Mr Forever.

This is what helps contribute to the high divorce rates in my opinion!

Indeed interesting 2nd :-)

As Mags and Ab Z. said, we can't compare divorce rates now with our grandparents' generation because of the stigma, fewer women working, different social norms, etc.

I'm wondering if this has more to do with lower exducation, which usually equals people getting married at a younger age more than with sex? That is one of the things the article discusses too. And I don't think sexual compatibility is the *only* one, but it sure is an important one in my life ;-)

And hello Mrs. S- no facebook!

I swear FB starts more fights than anything else these days!

I think it's a strong statement saying that if the sex isn't as compatible then the marriage is doomed..as someone else mentioned there are things outside the bedroom too..having that mentality now that it's an end all be all kind of thing (people that think that) maybe may get divorced later on in life when a husband's equipment becomes more faulty..food for thought. sure there are pills but even so.

@Mags- yep chances are there isn't just one reason a couple divorces; communication, trust, etc.

Ab Z if there was only 1 reason a lot of rich lawyers would be out of work! LOL

Agree about facebook!

You took the word right out of my mouth Michele, I was laughing. I wonder how those who think compatibility rely only on sex who'd live if God forbids something happened to their partners and they can no longer have sex?

@2d, to answer the question, it depends on the person, there's nothing wrong with waiting, i would not say that's what will 'cause divorce but it's the intention behind it. I do know a friend who wanted to get married because he simply wanted to have sex with his girl, he couldn't come up with any other reasons, lucky a few of his friends at church talked him out of it and prayed with him and he learned how to control himself. That right there, if you have a lot of cases like that, yes that would lead to divorce.

In another note, there are plenty of people who waited till marriage to have sex, so far things are going great, I know both old and young couple who waited and their marriages are still going strong. They dated for years, they were very committed