Does saving it for marriage lead to divorce?

I don't see that anyone said you can't have a good marriage if you aren't sexually compatible or if someone loses their ability to have sex. But if you can't recognize that it is an important part of a marriage I think you are being short-sighted.

To each other in every other way. My last couple who got married in January, they'd been dating for 10 years, both virgins, they were both raised in the church, they learned certain principles and chose to live by them, they pray together all the time, support each other in everything, the guy was done with school a few years back, she graduated last year and that's when they both decided to get married. Not to have sex, they're the happiest couple I know right now. (I know, still in the honeymoon stage, yes, but these are people that put GOD first in their marriage, if all fails, they have someone to rely on, and that is very important)

I want to know how you hyperlink on the forums too! Share the cool!

Pumpkin, if you're referring to me, go back and read Clare C's comment. And please, where did I say that sex wasn't part of a marriage and read my comment again, I did not say that someone said if their partner loses their ability to have sex, it was a question, as I stated in the comment I wonder what those who believe sex is the only way to find out if you're compatible with someone would do if God forbids that someone can no longer have sex?

Pumpkin, I dont' see anyone that said it isn't an important part..I think we were just gathering when posters state it's crazy to wait; also I've seen this indicated on other threads on ww. I think we were not referring just to posters here, but people IRL also who seem to think that sex is automatically a deal breaker; that may mean they just didn't love the person enough or something. Or maybe just knew where they stand with their priorities in a relationship (not that there is anything wrong with that of course!).

Waiting is a personal choice. Its 2011 however, no one is going to look down on someone if they have sex before marriage. No one should be all up in your business like that anyway, and if you are an adult, what's it to them?!

I personally am happy that I did not wait because I would not want to marry someone and then find out that the sex is completely awful. What then? A lifetime of dissatisfaction? So much about waiting till you are married before you have sex leads up to the moment when you finally have it. I would hate for someone to be completely disappointed.

You can love the person, and yes, sex does not make a relationship stronger. But it is an important part of a relationship and everyone deserves satisfaction in that area. If something happens to the person you love and they cannot have sex anymore for some reason, I am sure a lot would find a way around it. However, I wonder what the divorce rate is for those type of couples.

Does saving it for marriage lead to divorce? No, because a lot of people who wait to have sex do so for religious reasons and therefore would not concider divorce, IMO.

Edited to say: Big shout out to Mags!!! Thanks for the grammar slap, I needed it!!!!!! haha

KM-CONSIDER not concider....grammar dear grammar LOL ;P

I don't think it's ridiculous, I have always believed that making love is the most precious and beautiful way to express your love for someone. quoting Michele S.-an outpouring and extension of all the other things in our relationship- It's certainlty not the most important thing either. I think Sharing that with lots of people that you don't love, is just wrong in so many ways to me. I think, maybe not for others, but for me, it would have ruined it. I want my husband to know he's special, and I wasn't sharing myself with every man in the world. This is not fact, this is just how I personally feel.

I am not saying a person should wait, I am just saying a person should have respect for themselves

OMG....so casual sex means you don't have respect for yourself?

My FH is special because he is the only guy I want to sleep with (and a million other reasons) but the fact that I had sex with other men before him means I know what a good thing I got and I am satisfied. LOTS of people get married and end up wishing they had experienced more beforehand. Some of those people cheat, just so they can see what's out there.

And no, Clare did not say sex is the only factor. She also mentioned living together for more than a week to know if you can stand to be in the same room with each other.

Interesting article, but I think that they left out a lot of variables. I feel like we could draw more from it if it addressed things like age. What are the average ages at which people get married for the first time in the North vs. the South? I do think that hormone-driven teenagers and college-age kids who are waiting to have sex until marriage may be more likely to jump into marriage than those who decide to have sex before marriage, and consequently, they may be more likely to have their marriages end in divorce.

We waited until we were married (ages 24 and 27), and compatibility is definitely not an issue...however, I think that physical compatibility is easily checked with many other things. We were physically attracted to each other, and just waited to act on that attraction until it was legitimized in the eyes of God.

Divorce rates are unfortunately very high in America, regardless of claimed religious affiliation (religious reasons being the most common reasons for abstinence). I think divorce has much more to do with other factors, and I think sex does too. People who put their partner's needs in front of their own and have partners willing to do the same will have marriages that work. People who go in expecting everything to be split 50/50 and to get as much as they give are much more prone to problems in all areas of intimacy.

I think probably everyone knows how i feel about the waiting part, after the whole shin dig i got myself into a little bit ago i know of quite a few couples who had sex before and are divorced (my parents are one of those couples), me and my FH and my brother and his girl, are actually the only one's who i can think of (or know of) that are waiting...

correct me if im wrong, but doesn't connecting to someone emotionally and spiritually make for a better sexually experience?? my FH and i love the thought that we are the only one's we have or ever will be with, relationally or sexually! my PERSONAL opinion is (and please dont jump on me for this that if a girl cant keep her legs closed or a guy keep it in his pants before...whats to keep them committed after marriage?

I do not think that waiting leads to divorce, just like I do not believe that NOT waiting leads to divorce. I don't want to generalize b/c that is a slippery slope.

I will say, sexual compatibility does matter regardless if you wait or not. It depends from couple to couple. For my FH and I, not waiting has worked for us I'm crazy about him and would feel let down if I had to wait 12 or so years to be with him. I would say it depends on the couple....ya....that's my stance.

"my PERSONAL opinion is (and please dont jump on me for this that if a girl cant keep her legs closed or a guy keep it in his pants before...whats to keep them committed after marriage? "

Wow, this is a really strong statement which I complete disagree with. I have been with my FH for 9 years, we are getting married on our 10th anniversary, never cheated on each other. We have lived together for the past 7 years, have two wonderful children. Just because we have both had prior sexual experiences before getting together does not mean we will not be eternally committed to each other.

Just because a person waited till they were married to have sex also does not mean that they will keep their legs closed or their penis in their pants. What if they decide that maybe they wish they had experienced more and start cheating to see what other people feel like?

The point is, if a person is going to be a cheater, they will be a cheater, whether they waited or not.

There are also studies that indicate that people with multiple sexual partners before marriage have a more difficult time with monogamy after marriage. It appears (from the stats) to apply more to people who had multiple sexual partners at a time, rather than serial monogamists. I don't know all the details of the control group, or the size of the studies, but it makes sense that the self control required for abstinence would commend itself to monogamy more easily that trying to just stop going home with the hot guy from the party.

Fact is no it's not the only factor, but it IS a deal breaker for some..and that's good for them, everyone has their right to place different weights of importance on various relationship factors..just knowing HOW important it is or is not and that either way could lead to issues down the road is smart.

Anywho maybe another factor about the higher divorce in the Bible belt may have something to do with traditional male gender roles; it would be interesting to see incidences of domestic or emotional abuse (not that it's always reported of course)..hmm then of course I'm assuming that those who are more in that culture/region ascribe to those roles; which may not be entirely accurate.

Zaidat B.-it was more of a question... but yes that is my personal belief! i have friends who are probably having sex with their special someone right now and their happy! but 2nd bride asked for a discussion and i gave my opinion...thats it...

It all depends on the people involved. Young couples who tend to jump into marriage are already at a disadvantage because they haven’t given themselves time to grow as a person/adult yet. How can you marry someone when you don’t even know who you are? When you add sex to that it just makes it a bigger issue. You should not get married so you can have sex/live together with someone, period. And if that is the basis of your marriage than your ARE doomed.

In response to Pumpkin's statement about casual sex, IMO I think it shows a lack of respect for each person involved. i would not want to date someone who had multiple partners because it would say to me that they don’t value commitment. Also I don’t particularly care for my junk to be all around town. HOWEVER, i know/respect/and understand that people view sex and promiscuity differently, that doesn’t make them wrong or bad people, just not my cup of tea. AND sex is incredibly important in a relationship!!!

I think waiting to get married to have sex is just as weird as people saying they put god first in their relationship. *shrug*