Does saving it for marriage lead to divorce?

I come from a strong catholic family... they don't particularily love that me and my FH live together, but I felt it was part of our relationship moving forward. I also felt that saving myself (not nessisarilly for marriage) but for someone very special to me was important. So I made him wait Months and Months before I let that part of me go. needless to say My FH and I have been together for 5 years now and thankfully I am going to marry my first! I think if you really believe he is the one... and he has waited around long enough that you feel comfortable letting him take something like that from you then give it to him as a gift (not to sound cheezy haha) but in the long run.... you don't buy a car without taking it for a test drive!

Really? she didn't, I guess I didn't understand this line, her exact words

"never had sex with thus don't know if you're compatible with"

Are we talking multiple partners at once? Or perhaps a person who was with the same person for 3 years and they broke up. Then got with someone else for another extended period of time, and lived a monogamous lifestyle.

I would never be with someone who had a reputation for having more than one sexual partner at a time.

I don't think it is a question about waiting for sex. I think it has to do with how old these groups are when they get married.

Where I live it is VERY common to get married at a young age. A big handful of the girls I went to high school with are already married, along with more that I went to Jr. College with. Most girls here don't wait until they have graduated from college before getting married, and the average age is lower then 25 (22-23). When I was going to school in the small town the school was in, you only went to Jr. College as a woman. That was all that was readily available. I had never met so many girls who desired to be dental hygienists. There are FAR more smaller "country" towns in the south then there are in the northeast, and the smaller country towns hold on to customs much stronger then the more progressive northeast.

Just a view point from a southern girl.

@Edith W. thanks for the inspiration.

Yes I put God first in my relationship, I will continue to do so in my marriage, whether you think it's weird, and believe it or not I do not think it's weird that you don't. We're all free to make our choices, I respect yours.

To answer 2d's question, the answer is both yes and no, like someone stated before it all depends on the intention of the couple or even just one of them.

In my church I know many young couple who waited till their marriage and I do not believe that their marriage will in any way shape or form will end in divorce. They are all strong individual who put God first in everything they do.

I will not deny there are a few kids at my church who also may view marriage as a license to have sex and not understand all the commitments behind it all, now any of those kids get married, yes there will be a higher chance of them getting a divorce because the minute they realize there's more to it than just sex, they'll ran.

What an interesting question raised by a woman who married another woman - one wonders about the motivation here. To think that someone would rush into marriage simply for the sake of having sex seems somewhat ridiculous in 2011. A marriage that was based soley on sex would be very likely to fail - whether one waited or not.

Plus, from the statistics that I have heard, waiting until you're through college and well established in a career makes marriage harder - both to become so and to stay so. One of the reasons being that you have focused so much on self for so long, it is more difficult to focus elsewhere.

Studio g- What the heck is that suppose to mean? What does it matter if this topic was started by a woman who married another woman?

There is also a BIG difference between someone that sleeps around with multiple partners at once and someone who is with 1 partner at a time. Having sex before marriage does not make you more likely to cheat! I dont recall who said that but its just dumb.

Also...people say on here all the time about not having sex because they have God in their relationship. I just want to say that God is love, and he is in my relationship all the time. We also enjoy great sex with his love! Its fine to have your own opinions but some posters seem to get a little too high and mighty about putting God first in your relationship. Having premarital sex does not = not putting God first in your relationship.

FH and I are waiting until October 15th. We've been together for almost 6 years. Has it been a test of faith - YES. But I wouldn't say that we rushed into marriage just to have sex. I'm not worried about sexual compability. I'm sure the first time will not be exactly the way hollywood describes it, but we have the rest of our lives to figure it out. As my dad always says "sex is like pizza - when it's great - it's great. When it's bad, it's still good."

I think it depends on the couple. I know a couple of different "Christian" couples who got married very young (under 21) and are divorced (by 25). It seemed to me that THEY got married because they had common interests, a little bit of immaturity, and thought, "Well heck, if we like each other now and we're committed to God, let's get married and do the dirty!" Now that they've grown up, they've had to deal with divorce because they changed as people and weren't compatible anymore.

On the other hand, I know a wonderful couple who waited several years after reaching adulthood before they found the right person, and were abstinent the whole time. I think their abstinence was a personal choice, but the focus of their relationships were to find the right person no matter how long it took. Which, in turn, IMO, shows maturity.

As for the divorced couples who seemed to marry to DTD, their Christian beliefs also changed after they had real life experience. Just a side note...

My FH and I are waiting till we get married and I personally don't see anything wrong with it. We are both 25 years old and have a very strong relationship with each other without having sex. I think a lot of people assume you have to live with someone before you can really know them. That is not necessarily true. My FH and I have knwon each other 5 years and have dated for 3 of those 5. We were best friends before we started dating and we know everything about each other. We both are very spiritually grounded and have a mutual respect for each other. We are compatible in every way and I know that when it comes time for us to consummate our marriage, that we will still be the same two people as we were the day before our wedding. Only we will be closer. I'm not so much into the ideal that waiting makes it more special, but I do think waiting shows that you know there are some things that are worth waiting for in a relationship.

Sherley to clarify i meant sexually compatible with (since the discussion is about sex I figured people would figure that out, evidently not clear enough- my bad). Pumpkin's right, obviously sex isn't everything but sexual compatibility AND living together is a huge part of a relationship.

While there are certainly those who who seem to get married just so they can have sex, I'm guessing the divorce issue is more related to a young age. I also think the trend of getting married young in the south is much more about cultural expectations than it is about having sex. I'm from Florida-not quite the south, but the small city I grew up in was close enough. It's just simply more a culture that you get married young. Parents (especially moms) seem to really put pressure on kids (really girls, i think) to get married.

Now to the other stuff...

I got married this year, at age 26. my husband and I were both virgins. While we did not have sex before marriage, and so I suppose "didnt know" if we were sexually compatible before marriage, we certainly knew there was sexual chemistry there...kissing is all took to establish that and that was established pretty quickly. I do think that sex is quite important to a relationship, but I also think that it requires effort and compromise....

Like many other parts of a relationship. Sure, one person may want it more than the other....or maybe they have different preferences for what exactly they like. If course, you can find all that out beforehand and work it out, but I think its certainly resonable enough to figure it out within marriage too. That may mean compromising and giving of yourself to make the other person happy, but arent' we all on here willing to do that for our men and our marriages?

I will just say in my experience, sex hasn't been the easiest and we are stilling learning and figuring it out. I can say that I am enjoying the process immensely and I love that this is something my husband and I are learning together. It's a very sweet and special bond for us.

AS for not living together, obviously, we also followed this. I can say though, that we traveled to my parents house for over a week in which we were staying in rooms just across the hall from each other. We did, in that time, get to experience a week

Of being together constantly during our waking hours. We also got twice got the experience of traveling together (flights across country, car rides, etc), and I think you learn a lot about someone by traveling with them.

We also spent lots of time together, pre-wedding and lots of time talking about daily living type things (cooking, cleaning, expectations, schedules, etc) and I can honestly say there hasn't been a single BIG thing that I've discovered about living with my husband that I didn't know before (you know, other than sex). I've learned lots of little things, but nothing that would be a deal breaker for me. We were able to talk and be honest with each other and learn enough about each other before marriage that we already knew we were compatible when it came to issues of daily living. And for the differences or frustrations, we simply talk it out and compromise-just like any of you couples do who are living together before marriage.

Okay, did not read all the comments, but here is my take--

I know many, many couples who waited to have sex and did not live together before they got married. All of these couples are still married, and still show every bit of evidence that their marriage is happy and healthy. Some have been married for as little as one year, and others it's been 10-15 years.

I also know some married couples who didn't wait and are still together-- once couple for 30 years and counting, in fact.

HOWEVER-- all of the divorced couples that I personally know did *not* wait.

So... if that makes sense... I know happy couples on both sides of the spectrum, but the only ones I know who are divorced had sex before marriage. I do not *personally* know of a single couple who waited until marriage and has gotten a divorce.

EDIT: BlueDaisy, totally agree with you... much of what you said has also been true for my husband and myself.

Anyone who waits to have sex until marriage for religious reasons likely does not believe in divorce, hence why they appear to have a higher success rate in marriage.

Sex is what makes you one!

Which is why you have sex on your wedding night! When you get in arguements you have make up sex; which brings you back on one accord! Sex is a big part in relationships, but if sex is bad its cause thats how you make it. You have to communicate with your partner about your sexual needs.

My FH and I grew up with non-religious families. So, the whole saving yourself for marriage wasn't really put into our heads. I think it all depends on how one was brought up.

We have been living together for 4 years. Living together has had a huge impact on our relationship. We have fought about random nonsense, and fixed it. I personally wouldn't have felt comfortable getting married to someone if I didn't live with them. Since people change when you live with them, seen that in many relationships with friends, family, and other couples.

I think it's personal preference.

Well, our situation is more complicated because we haven't actually had sex mostly because my fiance has erectile dysfunction and we threw a lot of money when we were trying to correct it, but unfortunately, we really got no progress at all. It isn't his fault and I dated him for so long and I am perfectly fine if we never have sex because we still have an awesome relationship and I wouldn't have it any other way.