Dollar Dance/Honeymoon fund/Wedding fund/Donation Ideas??

Our wedding guests are 80% FH family and they are loud and comfortable and easy to be around and the rest are my imidiate family and some friends so i dont think i need to worry about anyone thinking things are "TACKY" in my opinion people who think those things are tacky are rich or just not comfortable with their guests or have some high standard of specific ways weddings should be done based on over glamorised wedding stories movies and websites. Do what you and your guests are comfortable with and im sure everyone coming knows what we want and is fine with it. everyone coming is someone we talk to all the time. I just wanted to hear other people's creative ideas.

And I think dollar dances are more common than other ppl think. i had never heard of them b4 but ive only been to one wedding and i dont remember it because i was young. So im not up on all the wedding things. But everyone ive talk to has suggested it and its not a cultural thing for them.

I'd just subtly spread the word that you don't need any household items, and would prefer cash. I'd just do the card box. If it's really not required or expected, why are you making such a big deal out of it?

I don't think dollar dances are tacky, even if they wouldn't go over well here. I'm not rich, but I think asking outright for money is tacky. Our vow renewal is going to be very intimate with only 60 guests. They are all people we are close to, and comfortable with, but I wouldn't tell them, "we want cash." Even more so because they are our closest friends and family. The money you spend on a celebration like a wedding is your choice. You can't look at it as recouping costs by asking for money. That is why people think it's tacky.

I wont tell anyone we want cash or ask for it. I just wanted an idea of a card box but with a dif name so that if people wanted to put cash in they could. this all stemmed from someone asking me if i was doing a dollar dance and me asking what it was for. then i realised people do things like that to make a little extra money and thought oh, i could try something like that. Im not one to ask for things like gifts or money. But when i learned it was common I got interested. Im not trying to make "such a big deal" about anything. Just looking for ideas. thats all. simple as that. Im not going to stress over it if it doesnt get done or if i decide not to do it. Just a friendly, Whats everyone else doing type of question for those who are also interested in the idea.

Have a card box. Why rename it? The cards *do* typically hold cash, so that's already what they're for. Do a dollar dance if you want. Don't register for anything. People will most likely give cash if you're not registered anywhere. Tell your immediate family and wedding party you prefer cash since you don't need household items (to spread the word) and tell people directly if they ask (in a polite way obviously).

Not attacking, but I agree with Pan and others. Also, I'm poor and I could care less what the "Jones" are doing. Etiquette exists for a reason. I try to be polite everyday, not just while planning a wedding. I think it comes down to people not wanting to be rude to the people they care most about.

I am overly sensitive to how people feel in regards to me coming off rude and I absolutly hate asking for things and will not ask for gifts or anything on any occasion. I dont want to be misunderstood as someone who rudely requests for cash or anything like that. Just trying to be creative and toy with the idea without doing a dollar dance.

And i do think we have decided to do a simple card box. I didnt even know before joining this site that people brought gifts to the wedding. This is how little i know about weddings and how little i expected people to help out or give me things.

Just wanted to add, sorry if any of that sounded rude. I'm just tired. Also, I see we posted the same time. I stand by what I wrote about the card box. They're pretty much already for cash, so why change the name?

Edit: And I posted the same time again. It's okay to register for gifts; it's the norm (but never put registry info on your invites). It's considered rude to directly ask for cash for the reasons others posted. Stick around this site and you'll learn all sorts of things. I know I have. I was clueless about a lot of stuff until I found WW.

My point about the dollar dance was, it actually has cultural roots, whether that's based on where you live or your nationality/heritage. It's an event. It's a fun lively dance and people participate so they can get up close and personal with the bride and groom in a funny and traditional way. If it's common in your circle then do it. It's just not a good comparison to what you're proposing.

I think sometimes people feel like etiquette is hoity-toity and has no place in their relationships, and that makes me sad. Really, it's just a set of guidelines to help us treat each other well. I'm super comfortable around my family and friends but I want to treat them even better than I treat anyone else!

There's a difference between being uptight and judgy, and being polite. KWIM?

The regular cardbox sounds like a good plan.

Also - making a registry doesn't mean you're asking for gifts. It's not like you advertise it - you just make it, and either wait for people to ask you about it, or put it on your website. The only ones who will know about it are people who will seek it out b/c they want to give you a gift.

I know it feels weird, but it's actually really helpful to your guests. Most of them will want to give you something to start out. The registry is just a way to make it easy on them so they don't have to sit around brainstorming and worrying about what you might be able to use.

Good luck~

I dont know what KWIM means lol...still trying to catch up on all the lingo on here.

I understand what you are saying and I am going to stop trying to explain what I am talking about because i dont think i can properly explain it. At least i know some girls on here are thinking the same as me and know what I'm talking about. If you knew how kind and timid I am about the whole asking for gifts or favors or anything I am you would understand that its not at all what you may be thinkiing.

I do think that the "etiquette" people set in their minds or get from websites and the wedding world/community makes alot of people expect things they wouldnt have come up on their own (bridal showers/grooms cakes/parties/favors/what have you..) and I think that its so individual. Its a wedding to celebrate your union and its your friends and family and its your thing.

The woman who directs sales at our venue was trying to tell me my idea for the processional was all wrong and against traditional

...etiquette and all this stuff about the whole ceremony tying back to the brides mother and all this stuff about the mother sitting down and then the ceremony begins, and that the brides family sits closest to the bride...and all these things that should be each individuals idea and own decision not based on some "etiquette" the bridal industry has come up with. for example, my mother doesnt even want there to be a wedding so why would the ceremony for us as her individual client be surrounding the idea that it all ties into her?

Thank you for all your advise and I hope My original discussion topic matter doesnt make anyone think that I am trying to just nab every dime i can from guests and ask them directly or that I am rude. That is not at all like me.

Ahhhhh I think I see what you're saying.

And I agree with you, I think the wedding industry in particular misuses "etiquette" to sometimes make people feel like there are things they "have to have" or "have to do". That can be really confusing b/c a lot of it really has nothing to do with (what I think is) the true meaning behind etiquette. And sometimes people misuse "etiquette" to sell stuff. Like, this planning book I got as a gift when we got engaged. There was this whole section on how it was thoughtful and expected for brides to give their WP these "responsibility cards" detailing everything they had to do. Guess what? You could buy them from the same publishing company for $29.95. Pshah!

I think the money/gifts arena is one where you just have to be kind of aware of how things might make people feel. It's not like anybody who loves you is going to defriend or disown you for setting out a cash box, it just might get a little awkward and you don't want that. So etiquette can be helpful here.

I think Miss Manners would probably say your venue person is actually being rude and closed-minded. Every family is different. I like reading her Q&As and I read one recently from someone who's BFF was a "drag queen" (her words). She asked if it was appropriate for her to stand with the bride in a dress, or if she should be asked to stand with the groom in a tux. Miss Manners basically said "Let her come as she is, and it's inappropriate of you to ask her to change their gender for your wedding." Yay Miss Manners! How's that for hoity-toity? lol.

Oh and KWIM = know what I mean.

I didn't know what all these acronyms meant when I started posting here either and now I catch myself using them in real life. lol.

I agree with Kris. I agree with you a lot Kris xD

Manners and etiquette in their true sense (I think) are about being aware of other people's feelings and sensibilities, and are guidelines meant to help you avoid causing people distress or awkward situations. In short having consideration for others.

"bridal showers/grooms cakes/parties/favors/what have you" are all optional things that have nothing to do with etiquette If you choose to do things like showers, it is etiquette to not host them yourself, because again it's like asking for gifts and can make things awkward or give people the wrong impression. In fact the ladies who expect and demand a wedding shower are going against etiquette, because it is not required that people throw you a party and give you gifts and it's rude to demand one. For some people it's traditional, but it's not etiquette. Grooms cakes are a pretty recent fad/trend. Not etiquette.

I get really tired of the wedding industry abusing the term etiquette. It makes things confusing.

Unless dollar dances/wishing well or tree is a common custom in your circle of family and friends, I advise against it. No one wants to have their wedding talked about for negative reasons for who know how long (and people/guests remember the bad a lot more and longer than the good) if you prefer money, just let both sets of parents and bridal party know that if a guest should ask, you guys could use money for various household repairs and to put towards a honeymoon. There is nothing wrong with having a honeymoon fund registry to help get the preference of money over material items for guests. I check the registry, if there isn't one, then I give money. Just remember there will be some more traditional guests who prefer to give physical gifts. So maybe have a small registry of items you will always need like towels, drinking glasses, bedding, etc.

I think in this instance people are using the word "tacky" to mean "rude"..so yes it would be rude to ask for cash, so using this term you are actually agreeing with many of the people who are calling it tacky..but sorry if I missed it, I am not sure how what you are doing with regards to the card box is the norm..I had a gift table and labeled a bird cage box as "cards"..If they put money in cards, that was their choice..not sure how this would be requiring people. where you thinking of a sign asking for donations?

With regards to the dollar dance, it depends on your region..but it sounds like you've made your mind up with whatever you want to do as well as decided what types of people most of the posters are on this thread. I'm not rich btw, wish I was tho!

I am from a german background and the dollar dance is very traditional at german weddings. Even if your not german you could have the DJ explain the history behind it or you could have the history written on decorative cards for guests to read...i think if you include the history behind the action it is in no way cheesy or worth laughing over. I cant imagine a wedding without one...

ps: if you fiance or yourself have goofy family or friends im sure they will eat this dollar dance up! Especially if your DJ allows requests they may pick songs they want to dance with you which I have witnessed being the entertainment of the night-SO funny!