Don't assume people know proper wedding etiquette - rsvp Edition

I love this post. I didnt know much about wedding invite etiquette before I started planning my own. I like the idea of being completely up front about all of it. I'm a mother also and wouldn't get offended if I got an invite that said adults only.

We did all of this and still had people cross out the number and write their own. My favorite was "2.5 - Bringing our one-year old "

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Wow, even with writing "Adults only" on the invitation?

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. I’ve never seen anyone add extra people to an rsvp (for any event, including weddings) and I’ve never assumed my child was invited anywhere if her name wasn’t included on the invitation. It’s odd to me that this is a thing honestly because I’ve never heard of these issues before getting on this site and I’ve been married before and helped lots of friends plan their weddings.

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I'm not having a kid free wedding, I am only stating that as a guest I really appreciate the clarity of knowing whether or not my kids are included. Just writing parent's names doesn't clarify that. And you aren't saying "children aren't invited" on the invitation, you are saying "adult only affair." Therefore, you aren't writing who isn't invited. It is not rude! To think otherwise is just absurd. I would think it is more rude to make parents guess whether or not their kids are included, or having to make a follow up call saying sorry but you can't bring your child. However, as I stated....this post was in "my belief." Therefore, just my 2 cents. Then again, like you said...could be a social circle thing. I am middle class, and therefore average.

I did this but only because my wedding planner suggested it I had no idea. I thought just addressing it would have been fine. and with putting adult only people were still asking can they bring children lol.

If Anyone of my guests thinks it’s rude to put “Adults Only Affair” on my invites I would think had a stick up the 🍑. It’s like do you get mad at a bar for posting a sign that says 21+ Because they are telling you who isn’t welcomed inside? My venue has a an open swimming pool by the dance floor and I just don’t want to be liable for any small kids accidentally getting bumped into the pool while we are all dancing. God forbid an adult gets drunk enough and falls in. Alcohol, pool, and wild dancing just isn’t a good situation to put a kid in sooo al that is stated on my wedding website.

Thank you! I have been trying to figure out how to word invitations so that people who don’t get a plus one won’t bring one because they assumed it’s ok. I have been thinking about adding something along the lines “adults only affair” on my website but you got me thinking I might need to add it on invitation.

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I guess I'd rather my guests be rude by asking than me be rude by putting adults only (and by saying "adults only" you are saying no kids, which is saying who isn't invited. You can argue otherwise but it's just semantics) but that's just my 2 cents. Everyone is different in what they consider rude or if they mind coming off as rude.

All of this is so true! I couldnt agree with you more!

I addressed my invites specificly to those invited & did the "we reserved __ seats" but some people still didn't get it. A friends invite was reserved for 1, but she literally scratched it out & changed it to 2.

I wished that I could love this post,

Thank you!!! Adding “adults only affair” is not rude. It’s a vital piece of information that guests need to know. Why beat around the bush and add unnecessary steps of calling and going to the website to search for answers when you could literally put three words on the invite.

I agree with the X seats reserved in your honor, that's a great way to reiterate who is specifically invited.

But I'm sorry, you are very wrong because IT IS RUDE TO LIST WHO IS NOT INVITED. Just because you don't think it's tacky, doesn't make it right.

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This, 100%. It's totally rude of a guest to ask you if they can bring kids/plus one/whoever. Let them be rude and just tell them "unfortunately the invite is just for you and mr. smith, hope you can make it!".

Don't assume your guests are idiots.

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If your children aren't listed on the invite, they're not invited. It's not that difficult.

Thanks for sharing your experience and giving us some clarity.

Thank you for this!!!
We plan on putting we have reserved x amount of seats in your name on a rsvp card with the invite(we are doing online rsvp)

My only fear is im going to say its for mr and mrs smith, you have 2 seats.....well mr smith cant come so mrs smith assumes well i have 2 seats im going to bring my daughter.ugh i can see it happening
How can i avoid that??

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I agree!!! I'm using your advice

Thank you for sharing this! I do think that if you are wanting an adult only reception or entire wedding in general it is important to share that. Assuming that people will just "get the hint" is not fair to those people and it is all together avoiding backlash. I know that it is tough to tell people you love that they can't bring their entire family but if that's your choice you have to hold to it.

This thread sounds like a ton of stress.