“Don’t call the bride”

I think the issue with contacting the bride/groom directly, is that if everyone does it, it would be overbearing for the bride/groom. If people contact the parents/wedding party, the questions would be spread out among multiple people, so people don't feel the pressure as much. Usually everything doesn't go perfectly, so the bride/groom might be fighting some fires as well.

I’ve had a few guests contact me as they were having trouble getting room block rates or were told there weren’t rooms left. I think guests do not want to bother the bride. They apologized, but it was unnecessary.
I didn’t mind straightening it out with a couple of phone calls.

I don't understand this either. I can more so understand don't be texting up their phone on their wedding day, but not all guests are close enough to the parents, friends, etc. to ask and it's weird (to me) to try and reach out via social media. If I don't know them, chances are they don't know me or if I'm truly invited. I've been invited to weddings where I only know the couple. And not all the information will be on the details card or the invites. There's only so much you can google on your own.

Biggest offense I've seen is don't ask about children and don't ask about plus ones. Depending on your circle, a lot can be assumed and if there is no clarification on babes in arms or children in general and same with guests. I find it so odd how up in arms some get over a simple question. and if they are getting enough of them, just put it on the website and direct them there. Couples come here for advice on etiquette and other questions, why do we hold guests to higher standards?

My issue with this is that as the bride, I'm only one half of the couple. I'm not the only one getting married who's able to answer questions. For the week of my wedding, our planner's information will be on the website so people can go to her with questions.

I know my “day of coordinator” has specifically asked me for a “day of” contact number that isn’t me that she can call if she has a question so I gave her my MOH’s number. So, my MOH can funnel any last minute questions. I don’t anticipate there being many, but you never know.

I personally don’t have a problem with this. My planner has said she is the one that will handle the day of and I shouldn’t have anything to worry about so she will handle all questions and concerns. My “bridal party” are next on the phone tree and they all know exactly what the deal is. Next is my mother who has been helping me plan the whole way so she know what my vision is. There is no reason I should have to handle any of that on my wedding day. If I didn’t have a planner maybe it would be a different story but I have no problem with a “don’t contact the bride” rule, there’s really no need.

Of course people shouldn't do this on the day of. In general, I didn't mind people asking me questions -- for example a bunch of people asked me the dress code or what color the bridesmaids were wearing so they wouldn't match. Most of the questions came from younger people, our friends who don't have much experience with weddings. They didn't know that when there's no dress code listed that means default to cocktail attire; they didn't know that if the invite only lists your name, that means no +1. So we had to clarify those things. And by "we" I mean "I" because my husband usually didn't know the answers either.


What I did mind was when guests contacted me or my MIL just to complain about something. Some complained our registry wasn't big enough, another person complained our invite didn't have enough information even though she had already seen the wedding website and RSVPed yes. Those kinds of things were stressful for me.

If it's before the wedding day, I absolutely think it's fine to reach out to the bride/groom with questions! I know I am happy to answer whatever questions my guests have ahead of time. Every time I've heard the "call anyone but the bride" quote, it's been in reference to contacting them on the actual wedding day. The couple getting married will likely be extremely busy the entire day of their wedding, and probably won't have time to also answer multiple phone calls/text messages from guests. Instead of interrupting the bride in the middle of getting hair and makeup done in order to give directions to a lost guest over the phone, or stepping away from taking pre-wedding photos in order to take a phone call from someone asking what time the ceremony is, etc., someone else can be the contact person for day-of questions, so the couple can focus on everything else that they need to get done that day.

I absolutely don't mind questions before the wedding day. I want everyone to be prepared and know what to expect, especially if they are in the wedding party, needed for photos, have another role, etc. What I will mind is calls/texts the day of the wedding. Personally, I feel that is not the time to ask me questions. I'll have enough going on and honestly, I probably won't have my phone on me anyway. I've also created timelines, checklists and have provided detailed information in the form of texts and on my wedding website that has everything a person could possibly need to know for the day of, so there really shouldn't be any questions anyway. I guess we'll see on Saturday.

Agreeing with much of the sentiment above! I don't mind people asking me questions before the wedding, as long as it's not something that the answer to is either already on the website or you can research it first... Being that our wedding is an international destination, I've totally expected people to have questions around transportation and accommodations - I've also done a pretty thorough job of listing a lot of useful information on our website, so very few people have even had questions to ask. I had one friend, though, really inundating me with detailed questions about flights and car rentals - I was literally Googling flights and rates for everything FOR her, which was something she could have absolutely done herself. This was stressful for me on top of planning everything else. But otherwise, I absolutely do not want anyone asking me questions on the day of the wedding... I won't be on my phone and I'll be focusing on being present and enjoying myself. I will 100% have a point of contact whom I will share with our guests as my proxy.

I didn’t have time to answer my phone and take care of problems on my wedding day. That wasn’t my job. My job was to get married. I already dealt with all the headaches of planning/hosting while planning. This is why I had a day of coordinator. I distributed the wedding party phone numbers and a schedule the day before. I was late myself to the ceremony spot and was forgetting the things I was responsible for I can’t even imagine the stress of dealing with everything else gone wrong (husbands stolen watch, lost bartender, clogged toilet, locked closet. All issues from my wedding day). No thank-you. Plus I didn’t even have my phone most of the day.
So no I don’t think you should call the bride if you have a question or issue on wedding day. Call and ask someone else or figure it out.

I definitely agree don’t call the couple the day of the wedding. A congratulations text is fine for most people and will be seen after the wedding is over. But the original question is for anytime during the planning period between engagement and leading up to the rehearsal. Which some people have issues with contacting them for any reason and many guests are not mind readers and don’t have the same vision that someone who is actively planning does and guest experiences vary from one event to another even in the same social groups. Also some circles don’t utilize a wedding website.

It's because people tend to think things are a bigger deal than they are, or they simply don't read, and that causes undue stress.

One person asking about the dress code is one thing. But multiply that across 100 guests, and it gets stressful and exhausting very fast. And realistically, why do grown adults need to be told a dress code for a wedding in the first place?

Add in that probably 60% of questions a guest has for a bride (before the wedding), the answers are available somewhere and they just didn't read. This is just how people are in general, they skim information and if they don't immediately find what they're looking for they call, and it doesn't change for a wedding.

And finally, sometimes guests use questions as a foray into a complaint, or otherwise to hassle the bride about something they don't like. "Why are my only options beef or chicken?"

Unless the wedding planning is truly a clustercuss, the room block information is available somewhere (call the hotel - it's literally their job to help you book), if there isn't a specified dress code you should figure out how to dress yourself based on the time/location like every other grown adult, you don't need to know the color scheme or the timeline of the day beyond when you need to be there. General rule, aside from "where are you registered?" you really don't need to call the bride.