"Don't Let a Relationship Stand In The Way Of You And Your Wife"

I was in a relationship for 3 years before my FW. I don't see how it has anything to do with our relationship or marriage.

I was with my ex-husband for almost 7 years. The relationship I had with him is irrelevant to the relationship I have with FH, except for that he’s my daughter’s father so we still see him.

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Maybe I poorly worded the discussion post. What I'm asking is would you interfere in that relationship to get with your now wife?

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Maybe I poorly worded the discussion post. What I'm asking is would you interfere in that relationship to get with your future husband?

View Quoted Comment I’m not sure I understand the question. Are you saying if I was still with my ex when I met FH, would I have left my ex for FH?

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I would never intrude on someone else's relationship. If they're with someone else, they're not my soulmate.

You mean would I sabotage their relationship so I could have a shot? No, I'm not a homewrecker. I've done some stupid relationship stuff in my younger days but I refuse to be the reason for somebody else's hurt like that.

Are you asking if, when we met our future spouse, they were in a committed, long term relationship, would we attempt to get them to leave that person for us?

Because absolutely not, and I would never want to be with someone who tried to do that to me. It isn’t romantic—it’s disrespectful and treating you like an object to be passed around and possessed rather than a human being capable of making your own decisions.

I was in a relationship when I met my FW and although she’s since told me that she had feelings for me while I was with my now-ex, she never let on to them and did her best to work past them so we could still be friends, because she respected me and my decisions. It wasn’t until about seven or eight months after that relationship ended that she started actually expressing interest in me, and even then, she still waited for me to make the first move because she wasn’t sure if I was ready to start dating again or not (it was a nasty breakup, my ex cheated, yada yada). I wouldn’t have dated her if she had tried to interfere with my relationship or with my grieving process after my relationship ended.

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If you were single but your future husband was in the relationship would you still try to be with him?

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I completely understand your perspective. I once heard someone say "God wouldn't give you someone else's husband" and it really resonated with me.

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Yes! Perfect wording of the question.

But would you be a "homewrecker" if they are not married?

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Yes, that is what I was trying to ask.

Wow, you have a really great point about being treated like an object. Thank you for sharing your perspective.

This was totally us. Not that I homewrecked a thing but moreso he was in a relationship when I met him and I fell so in love with him. However I NEVER wished to interfere in his relationship because if we were meant to be, our time will come.

View Quoted Comment Exactly! It’s fine to fall in love with someone in a relationship—it happens all the time—but if it’s meant to be, it’ll be, without interference. Besides, if you really love them you’ll just want them to be happy, even if it’s with someone else.

View Quoted Comment What happened for the two of you to get together?

I was a bit confused too but I read through some of the comments and I understand now. I would never break up someone's relationship. That's trashy and disrespectful.

View Quoted Comment Absolutely not. Trying to get with someone while they’re in a relationship is awful. Also in my opinion, if they’re willing to step out on a long term relationship for you, they’ll be just as willing to step out on you.

I guess I can answer this one as a Yes.

FH and I have known each other since we were 12 but we weren’t always dating. We were long distance and broke up because we couldn’t cope with it(we were still teens) so we dated other people but always had this “one who got away” feeling.
We lost touch for a while, later FH was dating a woman he was deeply unhappy with even before reconnecting with me. I had gotten out of a relationship recently. He called me out of nowhere one day on my birthday, just to say hi. We ended up best friends again. He decided to break up with her soon after so he could have another shot with me and boy it wasn’t pretty.

I don’t feel guilty for what happened because I never got involved in it. I didn’t even know he was hoping to get together with me until after their breakup but good gravy it got UGLY. I’m talking stole his messenger login to message me hate messages, me the little homewrecker. Oh well!

I would never intrude on anyone else's relationship and I would hope no one would try to do that with me. It's very rude and disrespectful. If it is meant to be, it will be. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, but you have to be patient. If it happened naturally without any intrusion like others have admitted above, then that's a different story and that's okay. No one should actively try to break up a couple to try getting with one of them.

I guess my views on soulmate would interfere with this scenario. If my husband was committed to someone else I’d move on.

IMO there’s no such thing as a single soulmate for a person. Yes, my husband is awesome. If he wasn’t available I wouldn’t ruin his relationship for a selfish unsubstantiated belief. I would continue on my journey with different people.