Don’t want a wedding

I don't like the fact he is listening other people's opinions and more important, the fact that your opinion is not more important than other people's and because they changed his mind!
In my mind, this is a 'dark orange flag' because he should put your and his feelings/opinion before anyone else's.
I knew from day 1 I didn't want a religious ceremony even though we are both catholic (but not practising) , my fiance didn't care either way even though secular ceremony was his choice #1... but his family wanted us to have a church ceremony, especially his mom's side but he said no because he put me and himself first! He would have accepted the catholic wedding if I wanted it.

Seems like now he is just all over the place and doesn’t know what he wants now. And it makes me sad because I wana marry and now it’s going to be even more time and just like just saying yes to make him happy but then suck because I have to wait. He says what’s a month or 3 months from now if you know we are going to marry. … Then saying he feels convicted if we don’t marry in from of a pastor. But now that will cost an extra $350. That we didn’t need to spend and according to him and the budget that he didn’t wana spend. He saying that even Vegas is not the budget because we are spending on a trip prior. And, How it seems secular and no memory to look back on. Over all why he is he like being the girl and I’m the one like the guy. And everything is fine with us … but all the arguing is from getting married and how and etc. I’m like can we avoid the arguments and get married haha

I think you both need to make a list of what each of you want and don't want. Yes, he does seem all over the place, and maybe he is just excited.

Once you have both gathered the list of must haves and must not haves, you two need to really sit down and go through each list and come to a compromise on a wedding/elopement. The biggest part is, when you two come to a compromise, don't change it unless both of you want to.

This won't be the first time y'all have to compromise, and it won't be the last.

You guys need to have a real talk about what you each like and truly want and find a way to compromise. I like Janet's idea of making lists because that's an easy way to get out everything you want without the other person's opinion shutting you down first. It sounds to me like he's taking other people's opinions and views into mind because that's more of what he wants than your idea of an elopement.

I'm the one in my relationship who could take or leave marriage. I've always told my fiancé that there doesn't need to be a ring on my finger to "hold me down" and keep me with him. Marriage to me is just signing some paperwork since I know our relationship won't change much after we get married. Marriage and a wedding is very important to him though, so we had to come up with a compromise that worked for both of us. Finding ways to compromise will be great for your relationship and so will learning to communicate to each other what you both want when you don't agree.

As planning starts, people start to realize and reprioritize what is really important to them in a wedding. Sometimes with a little thought to what sounds like an exciting idea (Vegas), can lead to thinking about what you would miss. For him, sounds like it’s the religious aspect. That’s a big deal as it’s an important sacrement!


It is both your wedding AND his, so it is important you both get a say and what you want— and wedding planning is often the first really major compromise situation, and you’ll both need to do so. You shouldn’t get exactly what you want just because you’re the bride. I’ve seen plenty of men who want the big wedding coupled with women who would prefer to just go to the courthouse and they have to work out a compromise and generally neither party gets exactly what they want but they land somewhere that works for them. To do this, you both need to focus on the few key details that are most important to you and figure out how to create an event combining each of your lists. While you wonder what his delay is, he may wonder what your rush is. Actually working with a pastor before getting married is really a great thing, and honestly would probably help you work through this very issue. They can help build the foundation for communication and understanding, so it may actually be beneficial! A great reason not to rush a wedding is if you’re having trouble overcoming this first big compromise scenario of wedding planning itself. Working on communication together would be a big help.

I agree with others you both are going to have to figure out what you both really want and then compromise. In a relationship you will find there is going to be more than a few times you will have to compromise for one another.

Thank you for all the replies! Much thank you and hope this will break that barrier.


And I’m a be real … we aren’t having sex till marriage so to put off another 2 months is like killing me. And, “not saying he is but it’s like he is teasing me” and the deprivation of it.
So what’s you’re take on that.
Feel like he is testing my patience
Of course I wana marry him but not having sex till we married.
And then I’m already compromising him being on and just getting on testosterone that I might add too.