I thought it might be good to get someone else's perspective on this that isn't involved...
So my father and I aren't emotionally close - for reasons I would rather not get into here, but suffice it to say it is for my own self-care as an adult. We do have a relationship, but it is largely focused on what is going on in my life or his on a more superficial level.
My father is contributing about 1/3 to my wedding, my mother is contributing about 1/3, while my fiancé and I are covering the remaining 1/3. I appreciate the help my parents are providing, as we simply couldn't have the type of wedding we are without it.
As an older bride, I had become a bit out of touch with wedding trends as most of my friends have gotten married. At the beginning of planning, I thought I had to ask my family if they would like the traditional roles as part of proper etiquette, and because my parents are contributing financially. So I asked my father if he would like to walk me down the aisle, give a speech at the reception, and have a father-daughter first dance. He said yes to them all. I am okay with him walking me down the aisle, and giving the speech at the reception, but I feel increasingly uncomfortable with dancing with him. I feel like I am not honoring my boundaries by agreeing to dance with him.
I expressed recently that I didn't really want to dance with him, but that since I asked him, if he really wanted a father-daughter dance, that I would honor his wishes, and he laughed and said to me, "Well, since you put it that way, we're dancing!"
I recently even broke my toe (maybe a subconscious way of trying to get out of it? hmmm...), and he texted me saying "Well, even if we just get to sway back and forth, it will be fine." Yuck.
My father can be manipulative, and he often puts on a good public face while leading a less than wonderful private life. He likes to shine over my mother (and did so during the divorce), and I feel like this is more of the same.
I think I have already not honored myself by asking him, and I now have to dance with him even though I don't want to. I obviously have even tried to talking to him about this, but he seems pretty set on this, so I guess I should just dance with him? I tell myself it's only 4 minutes, but it seems so disingenuous and wrong after everything I've experienced with him.
Sorry if this is too personal for this type of forum - wedding planning is obviously just bringing up some of my ill feelings towards my father, and it is weighing heavy on my mind and my heart. 
Are there ways to alleviate some of my discomfort while sticking to my word?
