Drama planning events?

The wedding events seem to draw out the strong emotions. Some people have been soured about weddings, often from family experiences. Probably things have gone rather wonky also subsequent to the covid fiasco. If it does not look like the bachelorette party would go well -- and there is not too much planning and financial commitment -- it might be good to take have the rest instead.

The one thing we are reminded about with the FMIL situation is that we cannot really control details of what people will do that is not part of the wedding ceremony and reception. So with the AirBnB stuff, that is the FMIL's choice and beyond your say -- unless you guys are paying for it. Otherwise, it is her choice.

In the end you should have your marriage. Be strong in it to preserve your new independently-joined life.

I learned years ago with my first marriage many of the traditions we learned from television about weddings, planning and the events surrounding it is not how things go in reality. Weddings bring out so many emotions and unfortunately lots of negativity. Bridal parties are not always helpful so don’t put too much expectations on them. Sometimes you have to delegate more than you hoped for as well then someone may pick up where you left off. Make your expectations clear then see what happens. But be mindful no one may pitch in as much as you want or need. Also keep in mind you don’t have to do all the traditional gatherings if you don’t want to or have no one to help. Focus on your ceremony. MIL can sleep on the moon if she’s paying… If you are paying tell her what fits in your budget and leave it at that. Good luck.

You need to express your dissatisfaction with your people. Tell your mom the bridal shower wasn’t what you expected. She agreed to host and dropped the ball which makes you upset. Tell your MIL unfortunately having her own Air BnB isn’t in your budget but she is more than welcome to pay for it on her own.
Start telling people no and stick with it. If you don’t your wedding isn’t going to be yours it will be everyone else’s and you won’t have a good time. If they start drama because you have expressed what you expect from everyone then that’s a them problem, put your phone on silent and go do something you want to.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for the advice 💓

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This is really good advice.

I would also add that no-one owes you a shower or a bachelorette. Having a wedding party is a chance for you to honour them in your life.

As a past bride and more so a wedding planner, i have had to deal with challenging family situations like this. I would strongly recommend you set your boundaries from now or you will become a doormat forever for them! You can do it in a kind way but most importantly stick to your decision- if you budge an inch they will push you a mile. Let everyone know this one day is about you and you are not wanting to be a bridezilla or come off as difficult but you are just asking people to be a little kind and flexible for your one moment - THIS DAY IS ABOUT YOU !!!! So (for example) if you are contributing to MIL's accommodation- $x is how much you are able to give towards it but if she wishes to take that and upgrade herself thats her prerogative, otherwise she will be sharing an air b&b with x,y & z. Take it or leave it! You should not have to make people do things for you- ever!!!! If they are not making effort to throw you a bachelorette keep the money or take yourself and maybe one friend on a weekend away to a spa! I have learnt & seen too many times with manipulative in laws that if they think early on they can break you by pushing they will continue to do it. Send a respectful message to everyone involved and let them know your feelings and position in a calm and civil manner, if they dont realize theyre wrong and apologise/rectify it then you know who the issue is!

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With all due respect, I disagree. The day isn't all about the bride, or even the wedding couple. Once you involve other people (ie your guests), their needs and feelings need to be considered. If you start telling everyone "this is all about ME", there will be bridezilla vibes immediately.

I do agree that setting boundaries is healthy and effective.

If your MIL wants to rent a place for just her family, that's her choice.

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Someone else had started a topic and said this was all about you, the bride. But like you have mentioned, once other people are part of the wedding, they have their desires and level of participation for them to work out. the MOH and bridesmaids only are obligated to stand by you (and hopefully WITH you) at the ceremony. The bridal shower is optional -- but if it was planned but left adrift after that, sure, you might have to make it happen yourself.

First I'm srry that you dealing with these green eyed monster ppl why does these happen I don't know. I am dealing with the same problems something I did deal with. I've had ppl tell me that they are jealous of me living their wedding thru me. The whole shopping dress bachelorette party and bridal shower week I had. Alot of arguing because they are single wanting there person. But I really think that you and your FH both need talk about all that has happened from his mom about the Airbnb just of her and her family. And is excepting you both too pay for it and also your about your mom. But also go to her and see if you can have a heart to heart talk. And I hope that what you dont want that you both need to stand firm and together about your wedding. And all of those other things can wait to be address. Happy planning and I hope everything else goes well the way you and him want.