Long post..sorry..just really scared and sad right now
This friend and I have been friends for 8 years. Half the time I feel like she doesn't even like me because of the things she says to my face (and behind my back), but I am quick to forgive and give benefit of the doubt because I am a non confrontational person and I really want to see the best in people.
FH and I got engaged over in Europe on vacation; we were gone for a lil more then 3 weeks. Arriving back I got to see a few friends, her being one of them. After a brief "hello" she doesn't say congrats, or how was it, she just asks, "Who is your MOH?" I said, we don't even know the date of the wedding, and laughed it off. A week later I still didn't ask anyone to stand up because there was literal no plans to be made yet for the wedding. She gets upset and almost every time we hangout she asks the same question. After a while of me avoiding the question she "volunteers" to be the MOH, "If you don't know who you want, I will be the MOH." I said I don't want to talk about the wedding because the date wasn't set yet.
Finally I get to go to visit a venue with FH, his parents, and my parents. I honestly had a wonderful time, and it was really fun. I hangout a few days later with this friend again. I finally in two weeks mention something remotely about my wedding, and say how much fun going to the venue was. Not two sentences in she snaps at me saying, "I don't care where you have it, as long as I get to be in the wedding party." Broke my heart, I didn't mention wedding plans with her for months besides asking her to be a bridesmaid. My FH said I was bullied into asking her, and sometimes I agree.. I honestly need to get a spine.
But I asked another BM to be with me when I asked her and the other girl because I was nervous since I was just asking her to be a BM, not MOH. A MINUTE after asking them both to be my BM's, and them being so happy. That girl then said, "Who is your MOH?" I looked at the ground and said another girls name, who is my best friend. The other friend who was there, said that girl's face turned so dark and so angry for a good ten seconds before she regained her cool. The good friend leaves a few minutes later and I am stuck with this one girl. She hounds me why I choose that one friend to be MOH. This was 7 months ago.
Since then she has gotten legit upset that my MOH is planning a Bachelorette party for me. By ignoring the MOH's message, and then going straight to me complaining and saying that she didn't think I wanted one anyway even though I never said that..
She has bashed all my other BM's and MOH besides my soon to by SIL. I never mention the wedding really to anyone cause my mom and I are doing majority together and I love that. But if I even remotely mention the wedding slightly this girl pulls out her phone and ignores me. One time she stopped me and said, "Can I take a shower?" (We were at my apartment). I gather a clean towel, and some stuff she can use to take off her make up. My back is turned to her and I hear my front door open. FH is home from work. I turn around and this girl is topless, no bra no nothing. FH doesn't know this, turns the corner and sees everything. I quickly get up and shut the door. Hand her the cleanser without another word and walk out. Other times she will come over to get away from her house to sleep over since my place is so quiet. She will always sleep on his side.. just weird. One time she said it smelt like him. Weird. I know she doesn't like him like that cause she has a bf who she loves. Plus she puts down FH and that is when I get defensive. I don't mind if she is mean to me. I mind if she is mean to the people who I love.
In between all these there are a lot of other comments, and things that just make me speechless. But what set me off was a week ago. She asks.. yet again.. Why I chose the other friend to be my MOH. I thought this was resolved and done with. I don't answer, she continues to talk. Just bashing my MOH and my relationship. And she says, "I know you didn't want to leave anyone out., but why did you choose her?" And she goes off in a round about way saying that she should have been chosen. The only thing I ask, "Do you feel left out?" And that's when I think she realized what she was saying and then apologizes.
I had just a breakdown the other day with my best guy friend. And he said she is emotionally and mentally abusive and this friendship needs to end. She does something awful then comes back saying she wouldn't know what she would do without me. Her own parents came to my place uninvited one time saying "Thank you for being a great friend to my daughter." Because she doesn't have a lot of friends..
And just yesterday she said, "You and (her bf and her best guy friend) are my top 3 best people in my life." I feel so trapped because I know she is toxic, but I still want her to be happy. I want to grab her hand and show her positivity because she is constantly sabotaging herself and being just a negative person. I am constantly having panic attacks when I think of her.
I decided after the wedding that our friendship cannot continue. If there was no wedding, it would end now. But I can't kick her out of the wedding party and my life so mean and harshly. That would be just mean and awful of me. I'm sorry, I just feel so sick to my stomach and wanted to vent because I know no matter what happens when this friendship eventually ends, it will be very ugly.
