Dreading My Sister’s Wedding-help

So sorry that you have to deal with this. It is very rude of them not to invite your partner as couples are a unit and should both be invited. It is against standard etiquette to only invite you. If they are wealthy and want people staying at the fancy places, you would think they would follow normal etiquette.

Honestly as much as your parents may want you to be there, if my parents and sister had refused to include my now husband in the invite (whether married or not-a year is a long time to be living with someone/dating someone) then I just wouldn't go. Its one thing if you all had only been together for a month or so but thats a little while and the fact that they still didn't include him is just rude. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this drama. Hoping things work out for the best.

Y’all are wonderful. Thank you!

Also, thank you for helping me feel like I am not completely in the wrong here.

Easy! Don't go! I know you would disappoint your parents but, you have your own life and if they can't be generous and nice enough to include your plus 1 they shouldn't be mad if you don't want to go. If this situation is making you sick to the point of throwing up and depression... you do not need to go and put yourself in a place where you feel the way you do. I have always been a firm believer that toxic is toxic family or not family.

Its totally fine to not go to a wedding because you don't get along with the family. It's totally fine to not go to a wedding because you have finals (we're specifically not doing ours during the school year because we get it!). It's totally fine to not go to a wedding because you don't want to give up the time or money to travel. It's totally fine to not go to a wedding because they don't invite your partner if you live together, ESPECIALLY if it seems like it's out of spite. It's totally fine to not go to a wedding if it seems like you will be coerced into renting a fancy car and staying at a fancy place you don't wish to pay for. It's totally fine to not go to this wedding if, even if for no reason, you are dreading it and the thought of it makes you want to throw up. For it to be all of these things...girl, don't go! This is your life, while your parents may have some sorrow about you not going, it sounds like the bride will not care at all. Even if she did, it sounds like you still shouldn't go, but really. This is your whole life you are stopping, at a busy time, to go to a wedding you and the bride both don't care about you being at. Someone is going to be dissatisfied in this situation, either you or your parents. Even if it was an equal amount of dissatisfaction, it's okay for you to choose yourself, but do you really think it is equal? Your parents will not be staying up at night, feeling anxious to the point of throwing up, because you are not going. They will be petty for a hot minute and then focus on your sister and wedding planning. It won't be a second thought to them after a week. I'm not saying they don't care about you, I am just saying that people focus on their own lives and decisions, especially when planning a wedding where audis are involved, I'm sure they have other things to focus on right now. If you don't go, they'll be disappointed for a moment. If you do go, you'll be anxious all year and out a good amount of money. Don't go to this! Blame it on the finals.

If you want me to go to an event, invite my SO. If you don't want me to go to an event, but want to pretend you want me there, invite me without my SO. Then when I don't go, you can pretend it's my fault for not attending because I was "invited."

Sounds like a manipulative and in insincere invitation to me. I'd politely decline.

I wouldn’t go.

I wouldn’t go for several reasons: disrespectful of your new relationship, disrespectful of your new career goals, travel and extremely odd requests (everyone has to rent a silver Audi?! What?)

IF you feel powerful, tell your family why you won’t go. Make it clear this is not about jealousy or hurt feelings about your sister getting married but that you refuse to attend an event where you as a grown woman in a relationship are not being treated respectfully.

IF you are not feeling powerful (this is ok too... we can’t always be strong!) tell them you have finals and can’t get out. What a great excuse!! Sure, they don’t sound like they will respect it but it’s true AND hard to argue with.

If I were you and you were still worried about your parents, I would send a gift. I may even send a nicer gift than I otherwise would have - since I’d be so grateful to be missing the actual event. That should help to smooth over any hard feelings.

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. If you are sick over going, take care of you and don’t go. Nothing is worth that. And this is from a girl who broke out into full body hives for three weeks after her sister last visited - and we even get along! She’s just very narcissistic and stressful to deal with. I have also had to learn when and where to set boundaries and stand my ground. Life is much easier when you are able to do so.

Take it from someone who is also considering not going to their BIL's wedding: If you are experiencing that much stress, do not go. Your wedding day you should be surrounded by the people you love and love you, and if it isn't mutual or even one-sided at this point, you should not feel bad about not attending.

I have no idea why you would even for a minute consider going to the wedding of this sister, especially to "please family" who will not accept your current SO. If you can take the time off school, and have the money, have a nice long weekend adventure with your SO, anyplace that is not where your sister is getting married, without you. People can only constantly be nasty if you keep going back for more. Stop it. It will do wonders for your mental health. To quote a friend, blood is thicker than water. It also is a carrier of lots of diseases that will shut down your organs, and kill you. Continue to see your family when they are being nice. But sister's nastiness, and parents deliberately not inviting your SO, call for a time out from family things til they apologize, or you can no longer remember what you have good reason to be angry about.

It’s incredibly rude that your partner wasn’t invited. I think as others have said, that’s reason enough to not go.