Dress Code Question

I don't have an exact answer to your question because it is hard. People may not feel comfortable wearing long dresses if you write "cocktail attire", but may feel pressured to buy something more formal if you write "formal attire"-- although "formal" is a step down from "Black Tie". I think "Semi-Formal" would cover it and make people feel comfortable with short of long dresses.

I do think your invitation and website look and venue choice speak for themselves though. I'm getting married on the beach in July and using watercolor flowers as our theme. I'm sure no one is going to think they have to wear suits. If I knew someone who had a very elegant theme and was getting married in an elegant location, I would know to wear a nicer dress. People will wear what they are comfortable with and they are your friends and family so they won't feel too awkward, so don't stress too much if you feel like your wording isn't perfect.

I agree with Emma...most people will dress nicely for a wedding unless they are specifically told not to, or to dress comfortably.

We're getting married outside, in a park, so on my cards, I said "Guests are encouraged to dress creatively and comfortably. Please keep in mind that we are planning an outdoor ceremony. High heels and uncomfortable formal wear are not recommended."

I think you'll be fine not stating what to wear, but worst case, someone else had suggested to put something on your wedding website, I think that is a good idea, if you really want to make sure that people aren't in jeans.

You usually dont need to put a dress code, but you know your guest best. The last wedding I attended was late on a Friday night and there was everything from gowns to causal Friday work clothes. If you decide not to include the dress code still include something on your website about dress. I for one like when the attire is included because I am usually over dressed. Once I went to a wedding in a knee length satin but very formal dress because it was a late evening wedding and I knew the BM were wearing long gowns and the GM tuxes. But it was a church hall reception (I did not know this NO WEDDING WEBSITE) and they only included a 1 page invite with no reception card (now I know to assume that means the reception is at the church). Well all the other ladies were in nice dresses, not even cocktail style, more like dress-y sundresses. I felt really over dressed. some guidance would have been nice but on a website.

For all those who say that the imvitiaton shows some kind of implication of what kind of dress..... it does not.

I got a fancy invitatino based on the suite of stuff they used for a shower. Based off the invitation, I would have said cocktail attire. Glad I asked, as it's a casual backyard BBQ.

FSIL send out her invitations. They were literally the most boring thing I've ever seen. They were done on really nice paper, but the invitations themselves said to me "Cocktail attire" and "This couple is boring" when it's actually a black tie event.

So...

Please don't set a dress code for you guests. I recently went to a wedding that was supposed to be "formal" attire. I stress myself out about what to wear and to even try to define what "formal" really meant. The only people who actually wore long formal dresses were the bridesmaids. Everyone else wore what they wanted to. I even saw a man with jeans on and a girl with a maxi dress on with a sleeveless jean jacket... Just trust that adults will know how to dress appropriate for a wedding.

I'm with the "no dress code" crowd on this one. The look of the invitation, the venue and the day and time of the event are enough indicators of appropriate attire. Maybe showing your folks all of the responses to your question will help sway them that this is really the best approach. Unless its "Black Tie" you should leave dress code off of your invite.

Thanks everyone! This was very helpful and we went with the no dress code route. If people ask, we can spread the word, and if needed we'll put a note on our website. Invitations are ordered!!

We got a bunch of questions so we did put it on our website ("nice casual").. We are getting married on the beach but at the same time, these are pictures we are going to have forever so we don't really want to see ripped t shirts and board shorts.

Does it really matter, I think when people go to wedding they like to dress up or the wear dress casual, I would just leave it....

FWIW - Crane Blue Book indicates that it is not appropriate to place attire requests on the invitation, but does acknowledge that some people may not gather the formality of the event from the location and time of the event. They only notate for Black tie events, that it is an option for placing the term 'Black tie' in the lower right hand corner of the invitation. They are silent as to other formalities.

All that being said, I find Crane to be a good baseline for etiquette; but, I do take them with a grain of salt. Sometimes, it seems that they are a little stuck in the past and not always applicable to current situations.

The only thing we put for dress code on our website was that I kindly requested that no one show up in a wedding gown....haha... We trusted our guests to dress appropriately and they did. We did not really care what they wore as long as they were there to celebrate with us.

No need for anything on the invite unless you are actually doing black or white tie. A friend recently got married and everyone was asking her what they should wear...so she created a Pinterest board with all sorts of examples and shared it on Facebook. I thought I was odd, but FH said he appreciated knowing more about the "vibe" since it wasn't totally clear from the invitation. Just an idea if people ask later, but I agree, adults can dress themselves.