Dress Shopping.... fmil

She does not need to attend. Cite store capacity restrictions and leave it at that. It sounds like she's the type no one sets boundaries with.

Just say no. Dress shopping is a very intimate and vulnerable experience. You may be clipped into a dress that is 4 sizes too small for you, with your shapewear and bra exposed in the back. You may be trying on dresses that show more of the girls that you like. You may not like the way you look in some of the dresses. Only take people in front of whom you would feel comfortable being half naked. Your FH should understand this and respect your wishes. Ask if he'd be comfortable trying on ill fitting Speedos in front of your mother.

"No" is a complete sentence.

My bigger issue is... does your FH know that his mother behaved this way? If he does, *why* does he want to subject you to that?

He needs to set boundaries with his mother, and she needs consequences for her behavior.

I recommend you say "no." Refer back to COVID precautions the store is taking. I did not invite my FMIL dress shopping with me.

If cocos is done and you can bring more I would have your fh speak to her. Also, if she comes and complains you don't get the dress she wants them let that roll off your back. She can complain all she wants but it's your decision and she needs to respect it. I would almost have fh talk to her about that but sounds like she may feel you were talking bad about her. Does he know why you're hesitant to have her there?

Hi Honey!! You have a legitimate concern. Like others have mentioned, this is where covid regulations work in your favor 👍 I invited others to my fittings once my dress was chosen and the decision was made. If you want to please your fiancé, you could invite fmil to a fitting to see the dress. Good luck girlie 😘

As people above have said, ‘no’ is a complete sentence. You could always invite her to the initial shopping trip. Based on the number of brides who have posted about dress regret from the first place they visited, I wouldn’t buy a dress the first time anyway. I had my mom and sister come with me the first time and then I just went by myself to a few other places.

I went to one with my mom and then invited my MIL to another appointment. That appointment never Happened because I found a dress already.


You could go have an initial try on get ideas, listen to your mom and sisters feedback. Then you could invited her FMIL along to another appointment where you’ve already got an idea of what you want. If she gives feedback just say I’ll keep that in mind.

This is your dress shopping experience, not your FH's, and not your FMIL. I would just be very honest with your FH and tell him that you only want your mom and sisters to go and that is that. He cannot force you to bring his mother with you.

Don't bring anyone you don't consider essential. And don't bring them if from past experience you know you may not have the same vision. Them saying yes to features you don't want, trying to sway you against what you usually want, means they are unhappy or you are. People who have never shopped well with their own mother, or sister, are best not taking them to the first shopping. You need to try on a bunch of styles you might not think of, as what flatters you most might be a style that rarely exists outside gowns. Like a drop waisted dress with body hugging ruching, or ball gowns , or illusion lace tops and sleeves rather than strapless. Go by yourself or with a friend, pick a couple of types, or even narrow down to a few specific dresses. Then when there is nothing you would dislike , bring someone emotional. More than you know go by themselves, don't believe TV crap. And can try twice as many gowns. And I mean pre covid. You know you have a different vision. You know she will bear a grudge if she is not listened to because you don't like her choice. But you are not offering her dessert. You get stuck with any bad choice. And, if you choose what she like and your mom hayes, you will pit against moms against each other at the very beginning of wedding planning. Don't. If the moms have different tastes you are sunk.

View Quoted Comment Will definitely cite store restrictions. Even if boundaries are set she has a hard time following them. Sigh...

View Quoted Comment Definitely a vulnerable experience. Will use the speedos line on him. Lol

View Quoted Comment He understands why I don’t want her there he just doesn’t want her to feel left out. But I keep telling him that she won’t be of any use and I really don’t want any negativity there. He just keeps hoping I’ll change my mind.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for the suggestion! Might just do this!

View Quoted Comment You have to keep enforcing boundaries. Do not cave in because she feels she is exempt.

View Quoted Comment This is worrying. He should respect your choice on the matter and not pressure you.

View Quoted Comment My fiancé actually was using TV in his argument. He was saying how most of them seem to bring their FMILs to their appointments lol. I’ve already said no but for some reason he just doesn’t understand. My mom and FMIL definitely have different views.

View Quoted Comment Reality shows are made solely for drama and ratings. Nothing you see on tv has any basis in real life.

View Quoted Comment He needs to accept your decision.

View Quoted Comment It was not a national thing to bring your bridesmaids and both moms to appointments , before 2008, when Say Yes to the Dress started the tremd. Whole bridal parties only ce if they had an appointment with consultants for their BM dresses. Brides often came with 1 or 2 people. People started bringing an entourage for just the bride. And within a couple of years, began putting up maximum 2 guests with a bride. Or 3. TV calls it drama seeing emotional upset on camera. But real shops found that the larger the number of people, and wider the negative emotions, the more their sales went down. Taking 2 and 3 sessions more than they used to. A lot of unhappy tears. A lot of ending sessions because people were angry. Friends want tge bride boho, she wants wedding cake,, strapless with no back, mom wants slee es and ribbons. MOH and mothers directing sales consultants. A lot of places ask size of your party. If bride is the only one trying on, frequently they limit it. Another problem, sometimes after the first visit, brides come back with different people, MIL instead of Mom. Sisters instead of bridesmaids. And often problems. Sales down. Or, bride has gotten sick of the opinions, gets the dress
And 3 days, 3-6 months, or at pickup time comes in. Does not want the dress. Let herself be convinced. Much of the time she went looking on her own, and found another dress, after spending 3-5 hours with full attention of a sales staff, and bought one, nothing is not acceptable to the store, forget a refund. For those who have not gotten a new dress, they won't cancel, unless bride gives them an order for a more expensive dress. What never shows, is the residual anger and unhappiness when mother hears her own daughter siding with someone else. Or MIL crows about it. Or fool bride did not listen to them, only to her girlfriends, break a mother's heart. FI is believing Un-reality TV. Real fairy tales often come with jealousy that leads to poison or death, mostly perpetuated or agreed to by a parent, or sibling. Life is not like TV and the movies. Avoid problems. Let FI take his mom out to make sure his guys are to her idea of perfect.