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Dedicated July 2022

Dress Shopping.... fmil

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Honey, on December 31, 2020 at 2:30 AM

FOR SOME BACKGROUND: when my fiancé’s brother got married his now wife invited me and FMIL dress shopping. She also had her family with her. After FSIL chose her dress, FMIL and I went back home. On the ride she was complaining the entire time how my FSIL did not listen to her opinions and didn’t choose the dress that my FMIL wanted. Now this was almost 6 years ago. However, her attitude today is pretty much the same about almost everything. If you don’t listen to her or act on her opinion and what she wants she feels offended and can become very emotional.

NOW: I will start dress shopping sometime during late summer/fall for a dress. I’ve told my fiancé that I would only want my mother (who’s paying a portion of my dress) and my sister (who’s my MOH) and my other sister (who’s a bridesmaid) to come shopping with me. I would be allowed this many people assuming things become better with COVID. If not I would only be allowed one to two. My issue is that my fiancé wants me to bring his mom to my dress shopping experience. But I don’t need her opinion and won’t weigh anything in any decision I make. I’ve already expressed my concern about this but he just doesn’t want his mom to feel left out. I understand that but I just don’t see the point of her being there. Low key I’m hoping I am only able to bring 1-3 people including myself.

Has anyone have to deal with something similar? How did you handle the situation?

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30 Comments

Dedicated May 2021
Jenn · on December 31, 2020 at 3:54 PM
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So I never understood the "tradition" of having your FMIL and FSIL and everyone at the dress shopping. If everyone sees your dress, what surprise is it on the actual wedding day? And what about the pressure of having to find a dress on that day because everyone made the time to come?? When I'm trying on THE dress,, I just want to think about walking down the aisle and imagine my FH face and not what my FMIL will be thinking about 😂
Nope.
Just say no hun. This is your right. This is such an intimate experience and you don't need any negative or having to overthink trying to make everyone else happy. I actually just used the excuse of "I want everyone to see me for the first time in my dress on the wedding day" (because when I used the covid excuse, they asked me for photos)They are still annoyed at me for it, but as the bride, its my right. You do whats right for you❤
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Devoted August 2022
Nicole · on December 31, 2020 at 4:02 PM
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I don't think it's expected to invite your MIL unless you want to and are very close. I personally will only be bringing my mom for such a vulnerable experience.
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Devoted August 2022
Nicole · on December 31, 2020 at 4:06 PM
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Also, does your MIL have any daughters? If so, she might understand how special it is to shop with her own daughter, as it would be for your mom.
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Master July 2018
Mcskipper · on January 1, 2021 at 11:44 AM
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If HE doesn’t want HIS mom to feel left out, he should take her suit shopping when he goes!!

To be honest, I just didn’t want my mil at my shopping experience. I felt a little bad, but it wasn’t what I wanted, so I didn’t invite her. Instead, to “include” her, I took her with me to the try-on appointment when my chosen and purchased dress first came in! That way she had a special experience, being first to see me in MY dress, but too late for her to weigh in with any negative opinions 😂
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VIP October 2022
Samantha · on January 1, 2021 at 6:42 PM
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Set the boundary now so you don’t have ti deal with her overstepping your entire marriage.
Just because she wants to do something, doesn’t mean she’s entitled.
You also have a ready made reason - your mom and sisters are the only one’s going with you. You also don’t need a reason. If she is rude and pushes, you just need to keep saying “this is what I’ve decided.” And the nuclear option - this is a “shots fired” mind you - “why is is so important to you to push me to do something I don’t want to do?” Keep it about what you want to do, not her.
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Dedicated July 2022
Honey · on January 2, 2021 at 4:56 PM
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Her and I aren’t really close sometimes I do share wedding things with her but I have refrained myself from doing so. She can become very pushy at times. She only has two sons. I guess that’s why she feels the need to be involved in our lives more than needed. But I’ve already made it clear to my fiancé that I won’t be inviting her. He just needs to get over it.
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Dedicated July 2022
Honey · on January 2, 2021 at 4:58 PM
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Thank you Samantha. Definitely will use that line!
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Expert May 2022
Molly · on January 3, 2021 at 1:39 AM
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Before I started the process my fiance wanted me to ask his mom to go (I knew her style was going to be completely different than mine and she most likely wouldn't approve of the dresses I liked). He still thought I should ask her since he asked my mom for her opinion on the ring. I pretty much used the COVID excuse and said most places are only allowing 2 other people max, and I needed to bring my mom and sister. So I never ended up inviting her. After I found some dresses I like I did show her pictures.
If you really have to bring her, may bring her to a later appointment once you have already narrowed down the dresses you like.
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Expert September 2022
EGD · on January 29, 2021 at 2:42 PM
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May be too late to this, but if not I have a suggestion.
I'm planning on only taking my mom, my maid of honor and one other bridesmaid who is my best friend dress shopping with me, I don't want my FMIL to have any opinion or influence on the dress I pick, as I don't really like and her and she doesn't really like me.
However, I am also a people pleaser, and she LOVES to barge in on other peoples lives. If it comes to the point where she is making a big deal of "not being involved" she will be invited to the FINAL dress fitting, just so she can see the dress prior to every one else, and feel she had some part in dress shopping. But I will try to be avoiding that at all costs.
She did not try with either of my FSIL's however, she thinks her and I are "closer" then she is with them since I have lived in her house for 6 years with my FH, so I'm not sure how she'll react to our wedding planning, and I am marrying her "baby" so she's a little more high strung when it comes to him.
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VIP October 2022
Samantha · on January 29, 2021 at 4:19 PM
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Why does she even need to know when you are going? No need to tell her anything.
If she asks directly, she’s already being rude, no one should invite themselves anywhere. When someone does that, it’s ok to demur and say “oh at some point I’ll got.”
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